year slipping day by day
nothing new happening today.
yet another winter has passed
melancholy days gone at last.

lets see new bloom
swim across green lake
for these are moments no one can take.

lets reach beyond that last shadow hill
see if the lake is silent or just still.

we'll make it back before next winter comes
and we'll find out what we have become.

i know my next step
it is right there, as clear as sky
yet i can't seem to move any further
i am hacked
unable to tell
i am not me anymore
somewhere inside
buried in the mess of thoughts
i know i have to escape
take charge of my shell
may be my courage is lost too
in the same puddle
where i kept myself safe
long before when i knew
i am the only one who can rescue me
so i did what i could
i managed to isolate me from myself
and this is as far as i could get
i have been keeping this innocent delusion
that i am fine
no more i wish to entertain this silly idea
NOW
I   NEED   TO   SNAP   *BACK

this feeling won't go away
like my lungs may collapse any moment
awake from chilling terrible dream with no remembrance
these constant silence and sudden scream
my surrounding is load, deafening me
i panic sometimes thinking if this is my whole life
but now i am horrified
i begin to see
pattern
whole world is moving round
unable to get around
placed in this slow moving infinity
this knowledge haunts my mortal core
and if i am to ever feel nothing dreadful
my wish shall be buried under the tombstone
even before my time comes to sleep there
i shall tell them i stopped living without them anyway

on my second lazy morning when i heard noise again
i knew i woke up too late
there was this pair of bird planning nest in my basin
today only he came back or is it she?
skilled mason, lets assume it is he
its not the first time though
they came yesterday too
i threw off all the twigs and threads
letting them know its my place, clear message
despite that i might add
he seems very persistent
must have promised his lover,a nest in this particular place
if its a challenge given to him
he'll fail this scheme.
alas! he'll never hatch an egg
despite of his toil, collecting shining reel, slender sticks and
nutmegs?

your piercing gaze surely does know to
reach my heart without me knowing,  
you were here,you have been always here
cooped up comfortably inside my thoughts.
your love seems to know no bound
i can't recall if i have encounter anyone like you
believe me darling i did looked around.

when you try harder and its not enough
just stop trying and do it!

when you are not even trying
and  way passed the deadline
only questions remains
what am i doing?
why?
only if i had at least one answer
answer to why i feel this choke?
and my tears just ready to flow
why this reluctance ?
why can't i point out what is it
and after all that questions without answer
what now?
what i think i should do?
why can't i move?
which excuse is it this time?
that's holding me here.
why am i arrested within?
why i feel like i am devouring my own tail?
yet the circle remains the same
and if this is true, why can't i stop?
why this choke is not enough ?
why it keeps suffocating and not just end it?
why can't i just even try to stop?
what do i need to stop?
why my question only have vague answer?
and why every unsure answer have another question?
why that question leads to more questions?
does it ever end?

when i  sensed the mysterious thing,
i didn't let 'the mystery' know
that, i noticed it.
So i can escape the fate
of knowing the unkown.
Even if its not predator
with those innocent eyes and
its sharp claws and jaws,
may only be defender.

May someone help me
if it feels under attack
by my lingering thoughts.

we may see her but she is not present here

she was comfortable to go and see
now she prefers to
world where she doesn't exist
she peeps through and through
almost loosing herself here
no anchor has a strength
to pull her this side
she leaned to feel
life without vile

that world has succeeded to beguile
now she has walked too far in
she can't reckon if she is two steps in
or by miles.

i always wanted to be free
free from every trouble
free from my burden
i always wanted freedom for some vague reason
reason i am not sure if it is even real
but i don't see no bars holding me here
am i the one caging myself in this bizarre illusion?
every time i try to reason with myself
it ends up in conclusion
this is what i am, plagued with thoughts of rage
or it is just too big of a cage.

You never touch me enough
I am the one at fault in that regard
Hello sunlight!
Make my color tough
I will cherish this
I'll wear your feeling this whole cold winter
My soul oh soul
I am on a roll
Dosed on cholecalciferol