no i don't  prefer  to  be  alone
its just that silence is more profound  
whenever i am around people
yes i do fear for my spirit depressing down
but i feel like i am gasping for air among others
yes i feel ridiculed by my odd deeds
but i was just being honest to myself

If I speak up
Do you have patients to wait
For me to come to the point
And will you not be mad
If there was no point at all?

so i have been distracted from reality of death again
now i hope finding my way among all adding few years more
how perilous and sad you say i sound
i am but a great admirer of life
mourning of its inevitable end
then i finally understand
and came to appreciate of death too
i realize we need life to feel that too
and to really know death is every bodies' doom
we have no choice but to rejoice of this finite gift
and see to it that we lived it all and lived it well

this gush of rush moving so slow, its almost stagnant
holding mania  within so firmly that it resembles sadness
patching up all the leaks but still couldn't stop some drops
its dragging me all over the places i have been avoiding
i am utterly far outside my zone, chill running down my bone
even distractions are now questioning "you ok? whats with your tone?"
no! leave me be, don't judge or care for me, i'll be fine
i just need some time alone with me

Some wounds shatter you
Some only leaves a scar

I was always in search of answers

           But
  
                     Now I am in search for the question.

Finally in this grey time I understood the value of
                                     'What, why'

my demon prefers a pin-drop silence, with no shroud of hope
and I am trying to escape. In my mind, I shout, shout loud. Hush! she says everything is ok, you are happy here.It's merely your silly mind so full of doubts. Our looks are alike, still so unlike me. Her eviction, constant contradiction, her weary words puts me off. she says everything is ok! but her incessant rally is sufficed to say, it renders me to reflect otherwise.

come*   and   go   as   you   please
one  slip  at  a  time,  sinking  with  thee
i­  see  no  way  out  of  this  salty  sea
we  ­are  bound  to  be  here
and  it  seems  we  cannot  flee
so  i  hope  ­you  are  not  trying  to  drown
for  i  might ­ drown  with   *thee

Sometimes I feel so old
Like I have been here forever
Seeing same things happening over and over

And

Sometimes I feel like I am so young
Like I have all the time to figure out what's what
Discovering new things everyday

But

Sometimes, I feel exactly 28yrs old and I know that i know not enough to decide but it is still necessary to comment and have half boiled opinion.

that spectacular view of blue sky
blinding us from cold dark places
and don't we love a good lie
like "love you forever"
one of these days somebody ought to say
"lets be together till time ends us"
maybe its gloomy and not a sweet lie
and don't you love the concept of forever
we dwell on impossible longing
tasting ******* like first cigarette
lets tell ourselves new lie
we'll conquer the world with love
and in the new dawn when sun rise up
we'll be singing same song without any lose

We should see one more sun rise and fall, we'll linger in the moment when it's about to set, we'll watch that radiant red and yellow sky, birds flying back to their dwellings, in that warmth of dying sun we shall promise each other one more sun...
Will you come to see next sun, I wonder...

Sun,moon,stars and you in the beginning
Everything was magical and my imagination running wild
No muscles remain aching
Every happiness was there for taking
You praised me and i flew among cranes in cloud nine
I dozed off but still found u there when m back
Until you said, I am nothing and everything in same sentence
Until you said, I trust you and where have you been in other one
Then you said many other things
Cracking my feelings just wanting to get response
I was responding in silence
Now I see .. Sun burning, moon depressing, star giggling behind my back and with you ....ending

Who are you passing stranger?
Tell me your deepest fear so I can forget mine.
Tell me you too don't believe in those
who says what we relish to hear.
Tell me that you don't see things for what it is and it has pushed you in some corner...
Tell me you have made more mistakes then doing right
Tell me you are tired of trying and failing
Tell me that you are same as me and still so much different

It's temporary I know
Sometimes I am sad
And sometimes  I am glad.

Melodies of these place is indescribable with few phrase,
Hummingbird hovering as bee
Upon pink flowered tree,
Meadow shinning bright green,
Every weeds bearing tiny bloom,
Not a single leaves looks off scene
This is the place where lover would
forget their way and be an adventurer instead.

who says resting doesn't hurt?
it slows every muscle, bone
deprive you of  every passion, eventually
your *** gets glued to comfortable sheet
and gradually begin to shrink in it
to the point that it numbs and ache
then you feel this pain
not physical but tortuously insane
you begin to think about the time
when  you wanted more
more for your soul with the hint of vanity.

who says sharing doesn't hurt?
it fully controls the tone of your voice
that moment of everything moving so slow
while the beats in your chest thud so loud
rarely that deed doesn't feel like blow
and once in a while when it just fits right
you value the existence of another being
you think of a time when
you were exclusive to yourself
how silly that notion
remaining secluded, just painting your wall.


who says its easy to advise?
well!  its not, to recollect your encounter
peeking inside and contributing insight
to recommend the best while knowing
no individual is that sincere
you think of a time when you walk tall
without  any idea of perception
with ignorant head.

whoever says whatever they say
when i contemplate those says
i would say, they were quoting others
they might have got reciting all right
but they don't know at all.

unsettling thoughts moving in whirlpool within me
i wish i could just think it off, off of me
it would be great to breathe in some free air
without having to think what am i doing.

Cold toes and aching gut
No fire nearby.
Familiar growling monster
Howling in the floor he lies.
I understand this fear in me
and why my body so weak.
Oh! This pain I can ***** it out.
Just explain how I remove this burn
burning gloom mearly brought by tears in her eyes?
Of all the cries I have seen
Why new this one seems ?

Toss and turn, my back aches with tiresome but my heart refuses to pace slow, eyelids not willing to close yet
  
I meant what I said and I love your mind for searching for some hidden meaning.

This thought keeps crossing in me
How hard it is to stay and live at your present.

I may not be suffering but I get this feeling that I might be in need
of stat dose of your compassion,
Your understanding and little bit of
love with trust and patients.

finally I can  be functional
Fully myself and then maybe I can do the same for you!

My untamed manners gets in the way of impressive plan towards civilization of new dawn.
My heart wants all of it just not the way it has been done so far.
I cannot change as I am already changed and changing, just not the way I want
But how it was suppose to be
Wish I could fly but I am not a bird
But I can always take a flight, off course  and take off, not just the way I want.

When madness surrounds every second, all seconds..
Even when you are right
You'll always feel wrong
You'll believe in all the ******* there is and some more...
But pauses while doing good deed.

That exhilaration of long longed situation
is so excitingly painful,
It burns my heart to feel this way

I feel your feeling
I want to bent toward your arms
Then I feel your heated anger
I never will linger around your sight
All says love is stronger, but why do I feel hate strongly

Someday in past, many years ago,
I was merely child with curiosity and lots of questions
I thought I would know answers by now
But now, I was never so lost knowing only few of them
That zeal and light in my eyes has dimmed
And left with  many other questions
Which I don't really ask anymore

whisper of those long gone overwhelming desperation are pounding aloud and left are those who wished you well without reason never demanding back their affection. Never did you had to ask if you deserve being this happy. No more  you say now to yourself that it'll be fine soon. Not anymore does that sweet nothing feels remotely anything like it was suppose to feel. No boundaries left untainted.
Impure is how it feels now....

O dear lass! How hard did you tried
and did everything what everybody liked
And they judged you harshly
Try to break you just for fun

Now so tall u walk without care
Doing only what you deem pleasant
and they still judge you bitter.


Nothing has changed in them



And everything in you.

I don't know what i believe in, anymore
Hope it's ok if it feels ok

When the shooting star fell off from its place
Little soul from the dark place made a wish
Wished for a better day before ascending from its existence

What if road to heaven
Goes through hell
Will you take that journey?
Or just be content
with what you have
right now.

A man with no shadow lurking
around with no direction.
So fragile yet such
strength it holds
My heart
I feel your pacing
Trying to breathe back
Into life

Your sadness makes me feel something  familiar,
Your joy has always been
strange to me.

I understand sleep and unable to sleep
I am aware of your existence and you
yet unable to meet

Just do me a favour and let me live without reliazation of your existence
I will be fine knowing I am still me
Even without you
I am someone too
Even if nobody know of me
Let me live in search of myself

I was born without language so I am still figuring out
How to say without shouting out loud or without tears
No I haven't acquired that skill of using my words appropriately
I still hesitate


                         To
                                Say
                                        I  am my main concern. I think of myself more then anyone else. I am selfish so I need my time for myself.