When the skies rain fire
And there's nothing else to lose
When the sun stops rising
And we live in a world of blues

When the stars crash to earth
And all thats left is darkness
When the moon burns out
And we have nothing but the ashes

When our world starts to die
And we only have each other
When the ocean runs dry
We can search for something better

pale skin,
empty eyes,
shattered hearts,
lonely lives

How dare I
how dare I
do such a horrendous thing
how dare I
how dare I
do something I can't take back
well here I go
saying no more
            no more
my body my temple
my mind my palace
my soul... my ******* soul.
how dare I
fall so easily
how dare I
maltreat myself so
how dare I
let myself feel so miserable
how dare I
eat bad food
how dare I
lose all control
never again
no not again
I keep telling myself
next time I'll say no
but this time the hurt is too much
the need is too great
how dare I do these things
so no more
     no more
I'm going to make a promise
pray for me that I keep it
how dare I let myself hurt so
so no more
please, to yourself, say no more too
if you, like me,
have dared to inflict horror
have dared to give up your body
have dared to give everyone a try at your heart
make it like putty
drop it get it *****
how dare I tarnish my soul
so no more
    no more
here I go
taking a step forward
                                                         ­    saying
                                                 no ******* more.

Each earnest and every chosen
Nit-picked word ready
To carefully clasp cautious ears
And carve out a particular path
This persuasion, both cruel and great
To bend a mind and heart ,
And push it down your choice of fate,
Entrance, enthrall, enhance, abate,
Convince you, and sell you
And a signed, written, and binding
contract controlling you, make

Holding your face in my hands
I remembered how it felt
To have the desert sun on my shoulders
And the cold ocean water at my calves

There was a small stillness in your eyes
And I didn't know if it was hot water
On the burn
Or the cold
That hurt me more
When I needed it to be temperate

I swear to the god of my nostalgia
That I'm addicted to the forbidden
That I shirk rules even if I create them
That I awake in the middle of the night
Thinking that the shadows on the dining room walls
Are echoes of alcoholism
That linger in the pit of my stomach
Even when I'm sober


And even now when dusk has just begun
I reach for the sun
Like a drunk reaches for a double
Like a child reaching for the mother
Like the long legs of some model tangled in the sheets
My love throws itself into the shallows

And drowns all the same

i can see you across the rows of heads
and you're laughing with your
own head thrown back
still off from last nights *****

and it kinda scares me
how much i want to be sitting
across the room with you

You are so beautiful.
Seventeen as fresh as new life.
Even your tears turn into spring rain.
So unlike mine which burn like acid.
All your young days I tried to forearm you
That the softness of a mans words
can cut like razor blades.
When they say goodbye.
That love is a beautiful rose.
That tears the flesh with its thorns.
And that even memories
Can sting like hornets.
You are so young.
And even with all my teachings
you have learned that pain
flows through the heart
Into the bloodstream
and burns Everywhere.
You think this is
of your own invention.
Your sweet young soul
Is so forgiving.
Absolving your young man
Of all of the barbed wounds
he inflicts on your heart
and of all the tears
you shed for him.
I want to hurt him
as he hurts you.
Find the pools of his man tears.
And drain them through his eyes.
But instead I hold you to me.
As you cry on my shoulder
And I say to myself
She is only seventeen
She will learn.

Today I have to crawl back in,
To indulge again in skin, slimy, loose,
Wrinkled saggy skin.
I could lift it in great handfuls,
Feel the muscles, the blood, the everything,
The clammy coldness beneath my fingers.
It makes me sick to the mind;
I want to crawl back out again and run
But there is nothing left to run on, to run to,
Only something uglier than this.
I want to claw it off, the itching in my arms. Scratching,
Scratching at raw flesh, raw muscle,
Exposed veins, all stuck beneath my fingernails.
It is disgusting.
It is inconsequential.
It’s skin.