SwanMansWoMan: Poems

272 · Oct 2021

SwanMansWoMan Oct 2021

Death, it knocks,
Begging me home

So sweetly does it whisper,
Come, come...

So sweetly does it whisper,
You can end this sorrow...

So sweetly does it whisper,
Home, home...

The question remains,
Do I answer?
Do I answer?

#death #sorrow

253 · Oct 2021

Scum

SwanMansWoMan Oct 2021

****

I thought I knew love
I thought I understood it

But there are twists and turns
Unexpected loopholes

Like loving someone who society shuns
Who they deem as ****

But I suppose his past is what makes me love him even deeper

#love #****

193 · Jan 2020

Love Lost

SwanMansWoMan Jan 2020

Love Lost

I wasn't expecting to meet you
One drunk night with a friend
And there you were on my phone

I wasn't expecting to fall in love
One month in, you were gone
And my heart shattered with your words

"You don't deserve this. I am so sorry,"

I wasn't expecting a broken heart
One month later, months beyond
And your words still echo

"You don't deserve this,"

I wasn't expecting to lose my love
One day here, the next gone
But still, feelings remain, my Love Lost

#love #brokenheart #lost

163 · Feb 2020

You Are Special

SwanMansWoMan Feb 2020

You Are Special

I don't know you, but you are special
Things you say, things you do
They are what make you, you

#special

149 · Apr 2020

My heart is heavy

SwanMansWoMan Apr 2020

My heart is heavy

My heart is heavy and it hurts
I don’t understand where I go wrong
One after the other
All the same
Starts out so strong,
But as days go on,
Words and conversations lack
Till nothing...
But an empty shell of a connection remains
My heart is heavy and it hurts

I think I’m giving up.

#hurt #pain

144 · Feb 2020

Word Vomit

SwanMansWoMan Feb 2020

Word *****

Sometimes I think all I do is word *****
Thoughts, feelings spread across a page
Occasional regret following them
It all makes me question my mental state

Sometimes I think I should stop writing
Communication, questions come to an end
Quieting my mind
But it still keeps coming, words falling out

#wordvomit

144 · Mar 2020

Move on

SwanMansWoMan Mar 2020

Move on

I wish you the best
I know I'm hard to digest
I feel pain in my chest
Because your feelings weren't expressed

I thought you felt the same
Turns out it was a game
I am so ashamed
I feel much pain

I let this go on for far too long
I am trying to be strong
Everything turned out so wrong
But I know I can move on

Moving on from something you never realized wasn't real is so hard.

#moveon

135 · Mar 2020

I wish I could change the past

SwanMansWoMan Mar 2020

I wish I could change the past

I wish I could change the past
Take back things I've said
And things I've done

I wish I could change the past
Tell myself that I'm okay
And I'll be alright

I wish I could change the past
Tell those few how I feel
and how they've changed me

They say to have no regrets, but my life is full of them.

#past #change

129 · Feb 2020

Demons

SwanMansWoMan Feb 2020

Demons

I house demons deep inside

They curse my every move
And haunt my dreams
They claim my happiness
And run me down
They tell me I am no good
And exude my confidence

These demons run my life
There is no cure

#demons

119 · Jul 2020

Different Kinds of Love

SwanMansWoMan Jul 2020

Different Kinds of Love

I have a lot of love.
Different kinds of love.
I have love for family.
I have love for friends.
I have love for strangers.
And then I have love for people like you.
People who steal my heart strings and break them...but that love always remains no matter the damage that’s done.
So please, always remember there is a stupid biologist out there who does love you...with a very special love.

A very, very special kind of love

To Gillette guy

#love #pain #hurt #broken

118 · Mar 2020

I wish

SwanMansWoMan Mar 2020

I wish

I wish I didn't feel
Nothing would be a big deal

I wish I didn't cry
It would be much easier to say goodbye

I wish I didn't love
People would be painless to let go of

I would be better without the above

#wish #love #cry #feel

112 · Mar 2020

I never deserved him

SwanMansWoMan Mar 2020

I never deserved him

I never deserved him,
He's special and unique

Our conversations were memorable,
Flirty and fun

I was quite broken,
Emotional and distressed

Our relationship was ruined,
By me and my emotions

I will never forget,
His smile and his humor

I will always admire,
His heart and his soul

My emotions ruin everything. By “relationship” I am referring to a friendship that’s slightly more than a friendship, but less than a relationship...so a fritionship?

#loss

102 · Apr 2020

Some days

SwanMansWoMan Apr 2020

Some days

Some days I feel like a failure
One day I hope I’m successful

Some days I feel like pile of ****
One day I hope I feel amazing

Some days I feel like a train wreck
One day I hope to be okay

Some days I feel like I’m ugly
One day I hope I won’t care

Some days I feel like I’m too much
One day I hope I’ll be enough

#hope

98 · Mar 2020

Same

SwanMansWoMan Mar 2020

Same

Overwhelmed with feelings of pain
I can't get over it
I can't get through it
My heart aches
I know I messed up
How can I forgive myself?
I do this every time
I always mess it up
I am not meant to be
My heart hurts
Things will never be the same

#sadness

98 · Feb 2020

Only One

SwanMansWoMan Feb 2020

Only One

Why does it always start out so strong?
I always wonder where I go wrong
The lack of words as days go on
Makes me think that I am done

97 · Apr 2020

Enough

SwanMansWoMan Apr 2020

Enough

I want to be enough
For someone
But I’m not
And never will be

I want to feel again
For someone
But I don’t
And likely never will

I want to have him
Again
But I can’t
Because he is done
With me
Because I am not enough

Sometimes, my heart is heavy because I know deep down I am not enough.

#pain #sorrow

93 · Jan 2020

Fruitcake

SwanMansWoMan Jan 2020

Fruitcake

I met this guy online
Who implicated that I am his one
After only a few hours of messaging?
I was confused
Our conversation was empty
No interaction
No humor
No quiet connection
Just empty conversation

So why does he think I am his one?

None of what he says makes sense
Or seems to hold true
Is this fruitcake a sign?
I think so.
App dating is not for me
Because apparently I just attract fruitcakes like him

91 · Feb 2020

Love

SwanMansWoMan Feb 2020

Love

I thought love would be different
I imagined it to be exciting and joyful
But it only brought me pain and sorrow

#love

86 · Feb 2020

Part of me

SwanMansWoMan Feb 2020

Part of me

A part of me I'll never get back
The lack of ability to love again

Feelings are there
But nothing more

My heart ignores
The ability is gone

A part of me I'll never forget
The piece of my heart he didn't give back

83 · Feb 2020

Untitled

SwanMansWoMan Feb 2020

Untitled

Broken
Shattered
Feel like I don't matter

Hollow
Shallow
I lay here and cower

Tears
Fears
I don't belong here

— The End —