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Oct 2021 · 253
Scum
SwanMansWoMan Oct 2021
I thought I knew love
I thought I understood it

But there are twists and turns
Unexpected loopholes

Like loving someone who society shuns
Who they deem as ****

But I suppose his past is what makes me love him even deeper
Oct 2021 · 272
Do I answer?
SwanMansWoMan Oct 2021
Death, it knocks,
Begging me home

So sweetly does it whisper,
Come, come...

So sweetly does it whisper,
You can end this sorrow...

So sweetly does it whisper,
Home, home...  

The question remains,
Do I answer?
Do I answer?
Jul 2020 · 119
Different Kinds of Love
SwanMansWoMan Jul 2020
I have a lot of love.
Different kinds of love.
I have love for family.
I have love for friends.
I have love for strangers.
And then I have love for people like you.
People who steal my heart strings and break them...but that love always remains no matter the damage that’s done.
So please, always remember there is a stupid biologist out there who does love you...with a very special love.

A very, very special kind of love
To Gillette guy
Apr 2020 · 97
Enough
SwanMansWoMan Apr 2020
I want to be enough
For someone
But I’m not
And never will be

I want to feel again
For someone
But I don’t
And likely never will

I want to have him
Again
But I can’t
Because he is done
With me
Because I am not enough
Sometimes, my heart is heavy because I know deep down I am not enough.
Apr 2020 · 149
My heart is heavy
SwanMansWoMan Apr 2020
My heart is heavy and it hurts
I don’t understand where I go wrong
One after the other
All the same
Starts out so strong,
But as days go on,
Words and conversations lack
Till nothing...
But an empty shell of a connection remains
My heart is heavy and it hurts
I think I’m giving up.
Apr 2020 · 102
Some days
SwanMansWoMan Apr 2020
Some days I feel like a failure
One day I hope I’m successful

Some days I feel like pile of ****
One day I hope I feel amazing

Some days I feel like a train wreck
One day I hope to be okay

Some days I feel like I’m ugly
One day I hope I won’t care

Some days I feel like I’m too much
One day I hope I’ll be enough
Mar 2020 · 143
Move on
SwanMansWoMan Mar 2020
I wish you the best
I know I'm hard to digest
I feel pain in my chest
Because your feelings weren't expressed

I thought you felt the same
Turns out it was a game
I am so ashamed
I feel much pain

I let this go on for far too long
I am trying to be strong
Everything turned out so wrong
But I know I can move on
Moving on from something you never realized wasn't real is so hard.
Mar 2020 · 98
Same
SwanMansWoMan Mar 2020
Overwhelmed with feelings of pain
I can't get over it
I can't get through it
My heart aches
I know I messed up
How can I forgive myself?
I do this every time
I always mess it up
I am not meant to be
My heart hurts
Things will never be the same
Mar 2020 · 118
I wish
SwanMansWoMan Mar 2020
I wish I didn't feel
Nothing would be a big deal

I wish I didn't cry
It would be much easier to say goodbye

I wish I didn't love
People would be painless to let go of
I would be better without the above
SwanMansWoMan Mar 2020
I wish I could change the past
Take back things I've said
And things I've done

I wish I could change the past
Tell myself that I'm okay
And I'll be alright

I wish I could change the past
Tell those few how I feel
and how they've changed me
They say to have no regrets, but my life is full of them.
Mar 2020 · 112
I never deserved him
SwanMansWoMan Mar 2020
I never deserved him,
He's special and unique

Our conversations were memorable,
Flirty and fun

I was quite broken,
Emotional and distressed

Our relationship was ruined,
By me and my emotions

I will never forget,
His smile and his humor

I will always admire,
His heart and his soul
My emotions ruin everything. By “relationship” I am referring to a friendship that’s slightly more than a friendship, but less than a relationship...so a fritionship?
Feb 2020 · 163
You Are Special
SwanMansWoMan Feb 2020
I don't know you, but you are special
Things you say, things you do
They are what make you, you
Feb 2020 · 129
Demons
SwanMansWoMan Feb 2020
I house demons deep inside

They curse my every move
And haunt my dreams
They claim my happiness
And run me down
They tell me I am no good
And exude my confidence

These demons run my life
There is no cure
Feb 2020 · 144
Word Vomit
SwanMansWoMan Feb 2020
Sometimes I think all I do is word *****
Thoughts, feelings spread across a page
Occasional regret following them
It all makes me question my mental state

Sometimes I think I should stop writing
Communication, questions come to an end
Quieting my mind
But it still keeps coming, words falling out
Feb 2020 · 91
Love
SwanMansWoMan Feb 2020
I thought love would be different
I imagined it to be exciting and joyful
But it only brought me pain and sorrow
Feb 2020 · 86
Part of me
SwanMansWoMan Feb 2020
A part of me I'll never get back
The lack of ability to love again

Feelings are there
But nothing more

My heart ignores
The ability is gone

A part of me I'll never forget
The piece of my heart he didn't give back
Feb 2020 · 97
Only One
SwanMansWoMan Feb 2020
Why does it always start out so strong?
I always wonder where I go wrong
The lack of words as days go on
Makes me think that I am done
Feb 2020 · 82
Untitled
SwanMansWoMan Feb 2020
Broken
Shattered
Feel like I don't matter

Hollow
Shallow
I lay here and cower

Tears
Fears
I don't belong here
Jan 2020 · 93
Fruitcake
SwanMansWoMan Jan 2020
I met this guy online
Who implicated that I am his one
After only a few hours of messaging?
I was confused
Our conversation was empty
No interaction
No humor
No quiet connection
Just empty conversation

So why does he think I am his one?

None of what he says makes sense
Or seems to hold true
Is this fruitcake a sign?
I think so.
App dating is not for me
Because apparently I just attract fruitcakes like him
Jan 2020 · 193
Love Lost
SwanMansWoMan Jan 2020
I wasn't expecting to meet you
One drunk night with a friend
And there you were on my phone

I wasn't expecting to fall in love
One month in, you were gone
And my heart shattered with your words

"You don't deserve this. I am so sorry,"

I wasn't expecting a broken heart
One month later, months beyond
And your words still echo

"You don't deserve this,"

I wasn't expecting to lose my love
One day here, the next gone
But still, feelings remain, my Love Lost

— The End —