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Nov 2018 · 209
"I tried to kill myself"
Icarus Fray Nov 2018
How do you say "I tried to **** myself" to people around you?

How would you say it to your professors
Would it be better to just hint that you need mental help in general
Or to blatantly say you held yourself at knife point when you were home alone.
"Can I drop half of my classes?
Cause they stressed me out to the point where I almost killed myself."


How would you say it to your friends
Would you rather it be somewhat casual
And bring it up when you're talking
Or would it be better to say "I have something to say.
It's kind of personal and serious and you're close to me so I thought maybe you need to know."


How would you say it to your older sister
Would it be better to just blurt it out in one go, out of the blue
Or is it better to build up in the topic before dropping a bomb out like that
"I tried to **** myself when you were away. I hope you dont blame yourself cause I love you."


How would you say it to your father
Would it be better to add some blame to it
Or just say it out front so he'd get the message?
"I tried to **** myself last Sunday cause I dont like the life you chose for me.
My original plan was to graduate and then **** myself, cause at least then I can give you the diploma I never wanted."


And I honestly dont know how to say that I tried to **** myself to myself.
Because I want to do a lot more and to be a lot more
But everything is coming at me fast and I have no one I can hold on to
I tried to be my own anchor but it's just sinking me in the depths of my mind
It's making me feel isolated and completely alone and I dont know what to do.


So tell me how do I say that I tried to **** myself to anyone
If the reason behind it was that I just wanted to breathe.
That I tried to **** myself because I just want to read more books and to sing more songs.
That I tried to **** myself because I want to see the world, and to try more food.
How do i say that i tried to **** myself to anyone if the reason is that i just to live.
I've been in a really bad state because of a lot of stress and this just came out of me when I tried to tell my dad what I almost did.
But I didnt know how to....
Aug 2018 · 363
I am Icarus
Icarus Fray Aug 2018
Icarus was alive, he's breathing and walking
But it's such a lie to say that he's living
He wonders about restlessly and seems to be walking towards nowhere
As he walks with the sun above his head and sleeps when the stars are hung in the air

And one day he passes a tree
A fruit bearing one, that made him shout for glee
But alas, his joy was short lived
As he sees he fruits on top, he started to leave

He stomped and kicked at his feet
As his stomach growls louder than his defeat
"If I had my wings I could've gotten one,
But it seems it's the tree, now, that has won."

But that got him thinking of the first time he had tasted it
Remembered it long ago, at times where all he had was his hands and feet
A time where having wings never even crossed his mind
So who is he now to leave that tree behind?

He turned around and ran with all his might
He ran so fast he could almost taste his long lost flight
But he stopped at the trunk and began to ascend
With his feet balancing his weight and his hand gripping to no end

He reached the top and grinned
He beamed at the fruit in front of his face and his back being hit by the wind
"I never had wings before my great fall
So why did it felt like losing them was losing my all?"

He wondered, as he sits at a branch and began eating
His hunger answered but his thoughts left bothered and unanswered
"I am Icarus who never had wings
So why did losing them felt like losing all." He pondered.
A little self realization always hurt
Aug 2018 · 4.5k
Icarus and his star
Icarus Fray Aug 2018
the icarus you know
the icarus you knew
the icarus who has fallen
the one who is an icarus anew
has loved a star that is brighter than usual
but a star that shines just like every other star
nothing new

but a star can blind you when it gets too close
when YOU get too close
but icarus didnt mind
because you wouldnt know how blind you are
until the light's suddenly off

The star had fallen
Much like icarus himself
But he has fallen gracefully and at will
Unlike icarus who was ripped of his wings and had fallen ill
But together they stayed
And together they grew
Icarus and his star had started anew

But what icarus didn't know
Or rather, what he decided to ignore
Was that the sun was a star
And a star has to prioritize light over love

It happened once when his sun chose to shine, still
Even though it knew that it would melt off icarus's wings
And it happened again with his star
As his star starts to lose his light

"I have to go home and see to it that my light doesn't go off"
The star said as he prepares himself
"You're leaving me" icarus said
Blinded by his needs and his selfishness
"It's not like that my love. I would never want to lose you but I cannot lose myself for you" the star had said through his tears
He saw icarus was not hearing him
Was not understnding him
So he did what he swore not to do
He broke his own heart and left only with half of a whole

That was the last that icarus heard of his star
Now he wears his heart in his sleeves and his stars heart around his neck
And now the icarus you know
the icarus you knew
the icarus who has fallen
the one who is an icarus anew
has loved a star that is brighter than usual
And loves him still, but on a brighter point of view
IVE HAD THIS IN MY DRAFTS FOR TOO LONG AND MY FRIEND FINALLY KNCOKED SOME GOOD SENSE IN ME AND HERE IT IS
Jul 2018 · 136
charles dickens?
Icarus Fray Jul 2018
my father has never been my dad
he was too busy making a living for us
that it almost felt like he wasnt living with us

hed work all day long and hed rest up all night
he gave us money and he gives us glances
he even taught me how to cook so i can dependent less

i never knew he loved me
and i thought that was somehow my fault
i was alwas a closed book, an abrupt pause, a halt

but earlier he said something that caught me off gaurd
something so mundane yet sounded so new
he asked me if charles dickens an author i knew

from where im from, i have to scavenge for books of old
id be lucky as hell if i found a book of classics, like austen
and i really have bad luck in finding them often

but here is my father, who i never knew was my dad
holding the tale of two cities like it wasnt a piece of my soul
like it didnt burn him like it did to me, like embers of coal

i was speechless and thankful and flustered all the same
i told him i loved him but it came out as thanks dad
he smiled and nodded as if this book wasnt his affection i never had
me getting emotional bec i never knew my dad listens to my rants to my sisters about the books i wanted and i honestly felt like crying when he handed me a worn out and probably preowned book. but it felt better than getting a brand new one. it felt better than getting twelve brand new ones.
i felt like coming home for the first time.
Jul 2018 · 413
heart filled with strangers
Icarus Fray Jul 2018
in a room full of strangers
id still know my place is at the back
ill keep my head down
and look for the confidence i lack

my days are filled with emptiness
its been days of deafening silence
and days with satisfying pain
its been driving me insane regardless of a license

but my nights are different
theyre dull but blue
theyre peaceful in a way
but still my heart is filled with people i can talk to

cause my heart is filled with strangers ive loved
and its filled with strangers ive lost
and now that i wanna talk about my ****** day
i know that talking to them would come with a cost

break your heart for me
said the one i loved too much
he doesnt smile nor does he frown
he looks like we just plainly lost touch

sing me a song you know i love
said the love ive had that i had not taken care of
she seems genuinely surprised when i told her i cant
because i cant remember her favorite songs, the keys are all off

lets be alone together
said the one who thought i loved too little
he cant look me in my eyes but hes holding onto my heart
i held onto his hands and crushed my own heart, a things so fickle

tell me the truth, not your truth
said the love i never knew i could have
shes strong and caring but i cant begin to understand her request
i told her my truth is all i know and the truth is a thing i cant grab

tell me a story, a good and happy one
said the one i cant ever love truly
my reflection stood in front of me, firm, unwavering
unlike my faltering soul that begand crumbling fully

and just like that im also a stranger on my own heart
lost and fazed, confused and frustratingly hopeless
cause my heart is filled with strangers i have loved
and now its filled with acquaintances that will never love me back
im sorry
Jun 2018 · 179
Warm hands, cold nights
Icarus Fray Jun 2018
Nights like these reminds me of when we'd sleep together
Naked and cold, but together under the softness of our sheets.
I've always liked the cold but it seems to alays bite my skin.
The cold creeping up my skin as your hands chase them away.
Your hands that seems to have mapped me out months ago,
Roamed the entire surface of my body as I'm pressed against you.
Hands that can be as light and gentle as you ghost them over my neck
Hands that can leave the darkest bruises on my hips after they went.
Hands that were pressed against my back as were tangled up under the sheet.
Hands that cards throught my hair when we kiss till our bodies lay quiet in our sleep.

Hands that are now miles away from where im lying down, cold, under the sheets.
Hands that I've grown used to that now has me wanting, still waiting for it.

it turns out that I dont like the cold
Never had
Never will

My brain had just adjusted to the pattern that the cold nights would mean your warm hands would be back on my skin.
And it is a pattern. It was, I should say.
Because I never had to face a cold night alone
Until the night before this day.
wrote this on june 11 2018 and i only had the guts to post it now
its about me literally being a ******* and missing my ex when i've gone about a month of forgetting him
im a meess so yeah
May 2018 · 115
best regret
Icarus Fray May 2018
the smell of cheap cologne and regret lingers
as my skin burns under the traces left by your fingers

he tasted like mint from the ghost of the gum he had
he tasted like a mistake, a good answer that had gone bad

we did nothing new but I feel bothered, restless, unstill
but what do I do I cant control your will

my mind made a filter, a mask for you to wear
so the potentially bad choice could be seen nowhere

but in your stead stood a mistake, a regret, then no one
cause the one to blame here is I so let me be rendered undone

and then i woke up
and you were there
and i wanted to touch you
but i wasn't here

because my mind yelled at me for taking advantage of myself

i was the who pushed him away, the one who left him in a shelf


but i'm the one who claws at him, who wants to pull him closer against my skin

in the end we're both satisfied but in the end we both didn't win.
Icarus Fray May 2018
i feel awful
and disgusted
because it's my fault
that you left but i'm still left vested

vested by you
but now you're not here
vested by you
but you're nowhere near

i hate this
and i hate me
i want nothing but to hate you
but why cant i be

why can't i breathe without looking for your approval
why can't i break down and not miss your comfort
why did you have to make me love something not so local
why is it that i want you to be happy but i want you to hurt

why aren't you hurt?
i'm not there with you but you can breathe?
i'm not there with you but you can laugh?
i'm not there with you but you're okay?
why are you okay?
why are you okay and i'm still struggling day by day

i don't want to hurt anymore
and i feel like i don't want to be free
i want to keep being in love with you but
it's apparent you'd rather not know me
May 2018 · 86
Had
Icarus Fray May 2018
Had
did i do something wrong?

did i say something bad?

did i mess up so much
that hate sprung from the love we had?

i don't know if i did something wrong.

i don't know if i said something bad.

but i know that if i had known what's wrong
i could've fixed what we had.

but that's the thing
isn't it?

it's what we had.
what we used to have.

it's something i can't fix because
i still don't know what happened

i'm in the dark
i don't know
i'm clueless of what happened

of what happened for our "have" to be a "had"
May 2018 · 127
watered down scream
Icarus Fray May 2018
with everything i've been through
i know i deserve consolation
i deserve a feast and a party

and i deserve to yell

to yell out my anguish and to yell at your face
to yell in delight and to yell out my hate

i can't seem to yell
i can't feel it'd do me justice if i let my heart out
because the world ***** and sometimes i do too
but my heart is something that wont ever let me down
and letting anyone see it would be unfair
unfair for me and unfair for my heart

so i let my heart out when im out for a swim
i wear it as a crown and i let it gleam
and when im submerged, underwater, in a dream
i'll let out my watered down scream

and with that my heart can be free
it can yell and shout and breathe
cause my heart sounds untamed and demented and deranged
and the water helps it grasp its own sanity
im done
Feb 2018 · 258
little riddle not so idle
Icarus Fray Feb 2018
riddle me this
riddle me that
how can you look me in my eyes
if i lower my hat?

riddle me this
riddle me that
how can you know i'm not fine
if your worries are answered with my "what"?

riddle me this
riddle me that
how can you prove i cried
if my tear stained cheeks are matte?

riddle me this
riddle me that
how can you be here for me
if you yourself have something to work at?

riddle me this
riddle me that
how can you tell me you love me
when your words, like icarus, fall flat.

so riddle me this
and riddle me that
spare me your reasons and i'll spare you the blame
just know i'm not someone you just contact for a chat
Jan 2018 · 162
It'll be fine
Icarus Fray Jan 2018
tell me "it'll be fine"
cause your words have always been my wine

tell me "it'll be ok"
cause we both know i've seen better a better day

tell me something i know is comfort
give me a reason to fool my self, that i'm not hurt
because i am and i don't like it
and just please just do something about it
Jan 2018 · 1.8k
good student
Icarus Fray Jan 2018
being a good student is always one of the reasons

being a good student is one of the reasons why im a really inconsiderate friend, apparently
because i dont share my answers
because i dont break the rules
and because i dont hate going to school
i just dont have the heart to tell them that school is actually my quiet
that school is my rest from life
that school is my escape
that this is how it was

being a good student is one of the reasons why im an unreliable brother, it seems
because i dont tend to their needs when im home
because i dont help them with their homework
and because i dont have any time left for them bec im focusing on my studies
i just dont think they'll want to hear that im not doing any of it for them because no one did those for me
that no one made me dinner at age 13
that no one ever taught me how to answer my homework
that this is how it was

being a good student is one of the reasons why im a irresponsible son, i believe
because i dont ever want go to family outings
because i dont prioritize them over school meetings
and because im barely home from sleeping over my classmates' houses just to finish a ******* output
i just dont think he'd appreciate me telling him i never felt like a part of that family
that i never felt like he'd prioritize me over anything
that i never once felt like coming back to this house was the same as coming back home
that this is how it was

that this is how it is
that im so sick of everyone saying im
an inconsiderate friend
or an unreliable brother
specially an irresponsible son

so if the only thing im good at are quizzes and projects and tests and deadlines

then i sure as hell am gonna keep at it
college makes everything a lot more dramatic
Aug 2017 · 422
Libraries
Icarus Fray Aug 2017
A library is a foe, a friend, and a fiend
A place one can hide to, a place to be leaned
It's an enigma within a riddle
Where curiosity and wonder meets in the middle
But let me tell you one thing, it's not what it seems
It's not just a place of intellect but a place for one's waking dreams

It's a room filled with hundreds of galaxies
A rendezvous of stories you know not and stories you miss
It's a collection of heartbreaks, and love letters, and nightmares
It's where one can travel hundreds of miles, without moving an inch, without paying any fares.
It's more than just a building, it's almost like one living thing
A living thing that breaks you, makes you, and surely would keep you coming.

But this is just my opinion, so please don't take it to heart
Unless you enjoy company in the form of ink skinned art
Because, let me tell you, books are amazing and I love them so much.
They've always been there when I was starved of people, when I was starved of touch
But to me books and people are all the same, cause, well...
Cause just like people, they all have spines and stories to tell
i made this for my literature class and we had to write about our fave spot in our school
Mar 2017 · 800
The sun is also a star
Icarus Fray Mar 2017
The Icarus that I was
fell in love with the sun.
I flew high and fast and didn't waver for even a fraction of a second.

I thought that I had to work like that, tire myself like that to prove my love for the sun.
So I came closer to see if the sun really did love me back.


But I got burnt.

I fell.

I broke my wings so I took them off.

I can't say it changed me for the better, but it hadn't left me the same as well.

Now I roam around with my name but not with my self.
I looked up and saw that the sun hasn't changed.

   'Shouldn't you be affected by this?'
I asked
    'Why aren't you affected by this?! BY ME?!'
I yelled.

I was mad.

I was desperate.

I was in love and I was hurt.


But I was also wrong.

I shouldn't have wished for the sun to feel the way that I did. To fall the way that I did.

I lied down and took a minute to feel everything.

Without my wings, lying down felt different.
I could feel the ground with my shoulder blades and my back felt the way the grass shifted away from me.

I looked up and saw the sun going down.

Because the sun isn't always going to be there.

And in its place were the moon and the stars.

And just like that
I saw that I didn't love the sun because of who it is.
I loved the sun because the sun was also a star.

And who would be stupid enough to not love a star?
Just some personal stuff
Mar 2017 · 430
Because I'm afraid
Icarus Fray Mar 2017
I love you

There
I said it

But not to you, though
Because I'm afraid

I'm scared that you'll end up like everyone who's told me the same things,
I'm scared that you'll leave and pretend that you didn't just shatter my whole world when you ask me to be just friends

But I know you won't do that

I love you

There
I said it

But not to you, though
Because I'm afraid

I'm afraid you'll get to know me better and it'll drive you away
I'm afraid that maybe if I showed you my true colors you'd want to be with a different hue

But I know you're not like that

I love you

There
I said it

But not to you, though
Because I'm afraid

I'm ******* terrified that you'll realize what a mess I am, how I'm barely holding myself together, and that'll make you run away

I'm terrified of losing you before I even feel confident enough to have you

I know you're not like that

I know that

I wouldn't have loved you if you were

But that doesn't help
It doesn't make me trust myself
Loving you isn't gonna make me stop doubting myself

I love you
But I still can't say it

It's not because I'm not sure

It's because I'm afraid
Feb 2017 · 734
I don't know
Icarus Fray Feb 2017
Being sad for me is an experience.
I don't know if it's different from how everyone else's
But I if it's just like your sadness then I'm so ******* sorry

Because sadness for me isn't feeling down or being weighed down by this feeling
It's like being on fire
But on the inside

It's like being stabbed by something that doesn't hurt
Then feeling this cold fire spread through my body
Like a wild fire being winded out by my thoughts
Or frostbites all over my body being thawed and frozen again

Being sad feels so heavy and prominent that I'm not even sure if my happiness is real
If it's really there
Or if it's just the a sense of sadness

I feel disgusted by myself whenever I fake a smile or a laugh or even saying "I'm ok"
I wanna cover my mouth with my hands every time someone ask me if I'm ok because I'm hard wired to say that I am

Being sad is already so ******* painful that I've grown up being used to keeping it in instead of telling people about it
Because I don't want to let anyone in
I don't want anyone to see the wildfire through my soul
I don't want them to see me frozen up

Because I'll hate myself either way
If they burn themselves up to thaw me out
I'll hate myself
If I drown them out when I douse this down
I'll hate myself
And if I saw them carry any part of my sadness to help me
I'll hate myself

I'm so hardwired to not let anyone in that I can't let anything out without destroying everything an everyone around me

Being sad for me is an experience.
I don't know if it's different from how everyone else's
But if you feel the same thing as me
What would you do?
What should I do?
February 04, 2017
Jan 2017 · 601
Icarus Moment
Icarus Fray Jan 2017
Hey
Ok
I know that you know that I can't say "I'm not good with words" because, let's be honest, that's basically the only thing I'm good at.
But what I'm not good at is you.
Or rather, how to use my words with you.
But I used to.
But now I just... I don't know.
Just like how I don't know what happened. How I don't know what I did wrong. How I don't know if I even did something wrong.
It just felt like... I don't actually have a great analogy to explain this but it felt ******.
Ok let me try this analogy.

It kinda felt like an Icarus moment.

Which is funny, given me name right now.
Let me explain.
You know how he died? How all he was doing was enjoying what he had. His freedom. How he never felt that freedom until then and then when he let himself experience it it ended up being his downfall. Literally.
That's what falling for you feels like. How it felt like.
I'm not gonna lie and say I wouldn't have fallen for you, but if things didn't turn out the way they did I'm pretty sure I could say I love you and not feel like I'm lying to myself about it.
I've never met anyone who fit so perfectly with me that it scared me at first.

It's always scary when you fly for the first time, right?

But when I did start falling for you it didn't feel like falling at all it feels like flying. It feels exhilarating and somehow taboo at first. How it feels like something so good should be something I shouldn't do.
But the more I knew you the more I flew. The more I soared high.
What I didn't know back then was that the more I flew, the more it'll hurt when I started falling.

Which I did.

When I needed you the most- no,
When I needed someone the most, you vanished.
Actually you didn't vanish. Which was worst.
It felt like you were there, constantly there, and yet you couldn't be to give me a single glance.

It physically felt like a punch in the heart.

But I guess that's my fault. Yeah. I know it's my fault. It's my fault for thinking you'll be there for me. It's my fault for expecting you'll do to me what I'll do for you.
I keep forgetting that when I confessed my feelings for you to you, you confessed your lack if feelings for me to me.

But this isn't what this whole thing was about.

This isn't a message for my past crush, nor is it for the one I'm pining on. It's a message for my best friend.
This message is for the one who I talked about living together with in London.
This message is for the one who showed me so much music that they knew I'll love
This message is for the one who told me that I loved rain just as much as they did.

This message is for you and this message is a hello or a goodbye, depending on you.
January 30, 2017
This is actually a message I recently sent to this guy I used to like
It ended up sounding like a poem even though it really wasn't my intention.
I guess that just goes to show how I feel about him, right?
Jan 2017 · 12.2k
Fri•ends
Icarus Fray Jan 2017
For the first time in my life I'm writing to my friends. Or maybe it's for my friends.
Because I never thought things would end like this. I never thought things would even end.

They've been here for years and they'll be here for more, I thought.
But all that was lost when they saw my life as a battle to be fought.

I've never been good with spoken words but I've never been silent with my writings.
So I'm speaking and shouting and yelling about how I never knew things were ending.

Tell me things. Anything. Please. I'm so lost at what to do. Specially here and now that I don't have any one of you.

I know it's not good, you could say unhealthy, even. But I've grown so used to all of you, you were my safest haven.

But I know I lost it. And I know that you see it.
But help me out and tell me why you saw my friendship and decided to drop and leave it.

So this is my sorry. And my thank you. And my fare well.
I know you are all better without me but i won't be better without you, and I hope you can never tell.
January 13, 2017
This one's for my friends, or should I say ex friends.
I guess they were right when friends can break you heart too, cause the hurt will never ever s ends
Jan 2017 · 292
The you in me
Icarus Fray Jan 2017
This isn't a poem about you,
It's one about me.
It's about things you've done,
That I shouldn't have seen differently.

You and I were alike in different circumstances.
You made me feel certain things and they felt like chances.

Chances I would've pondered if they weren't taken.
Chances I would regret eventually, only I didn't know it back then.

When I wrote about things about you, it felt like a stab back then.
It felt like the knife jammed in my back was being nudged all over again.

But sometimes it felt like the fire in my chest, like something close to rage.
That every time I think about you leaving me it's like a storm trying to burst through my ribcage.

And sometimes it's sad and blue and gray.
Sometimes I think about maybe it's my fault and I I didn't give enough and that I wasn't okay.

It's got me seeing red and got me feeling blue.
It's drowning in silence where it used to be the voice of you.

It's got me seeing gray since you left me with no color.
When you up and dusted, when you ran and slammed the door.

But this isn't a poem about colors.
It's one about pain.
It's about things I wouldnt have lost,
If they were things I didn't gain.
January 12, 2017
This one's for a different guy who's young and innocent and lovely as ****
But I guess our timing was off, I guess, on my side, I didn't have luck.
Jan 2017 · 421
My brothers and I
Icarus Fray Jan 2017
My seven brothers keep secrets
And they trust that I won't tell
And I didn't
Until now

My brother keeps a lighter in his bag
He's very asthmatic and also doesn't smoke
He says it's a metaphor
It's one less lighter that does it's job, and instead does a better job
He believes that I wouldn't tell anyone
And I didn't
Until now

My brother thought of killing himself once
He's nice and everything seems alright
He says it's ironic
I want people to see how  my happiness isn't real. And it's sad that I'm already too good at it for them to notice.
He believes that wouldn't tell anyone
And I didn't
Until now

My brother wears rubber bands on his wrists
He looked cool to me but it weirded me out
He says it's an alternative
The burn of me flicking bands on my wrist lessens my yearning for it to be cut open
He believes that wouldn't tell anyone
And I didn't
Until now

My brother likes boys, but he still likes girls all the same
I thought it weird at first but it's who he is so I accepted him
He says it's Love
I fall for who I fall for, is it my fault if they think it wrong?
He believes that wouldn't tell anyone
And I didn't
Until now

My brother thinks he isn't good enough for anything good
I try to tell him otherwise because I love him
He says it's nothing
I've grown up thinking I'll always get what I deserve. So that's what I expect till now.
He believes that wouldn't tell anyone
And I didn't
Until now

My brother wants to leave our house
I try to tell him I'll miss me but he said he misses himself
He says he's already left
I'm already missing. You see my shadow and my face, but I'm already gone.
He believes that wouldn't tell anyone
And I didn't
Until now

My brother wants to be noticed but shy away from attention
He doesn't glow in the dark as much as he emits darkness in the light
He says is ironic
I crave attention for the right I do but gains it by the wrongs I've done
He believes that wouldn't tell anyone
And I didn't
Until now

My brothers may have plenty secrets
But I have one too

And mine is that i never had brothers
But all that I've said were true
June 18, 2016
This poem was a release for me, it was an outlet of heart.
It's my way of showing my real self, it's my souls art
Jan 2017 · 258
Give me /l(ove/r)
Icarus Fray Jan 2017
You gave me love I never had
You made me feel special for who I am and made me accept the things that I'm not
You called me things, and sang me songs
That made me see how you saw me
You made me feel things I never thought I could

What I didn't realize was that
You didn't do anything

I thought you gave me love because of the way you treated me
I thought you made me feel special but you just made me realize what I'm worth
You called me things, and sang me songs
But you didn't mean for them to blind me with emotions
You didn't make me feel thing I never thought I could
You just made me feel things I never had


You gave me love
But it wasn't yours

Because you gave me love
that taught me to love
June 06, 2016
He told me he loved me, but not the way I loved him
I pretended that it was ok, that it was fine, that everything didn't just turn dim.
Jan 2017 · 315
Muse
Icarus Fray Jan 2017
Most of the poems I've written
Are experiences I never had
Some are things that I want to happen
Others are things that happened when I was sad


But lately I've been thinking
That you fit my poems very well
Each and every word of my writing
Reminds me of a story that older folks tell


That when I find the one
The one who will own my heart
They'll make me feel whole and one
Not tear my own little heart apart


But what the others never told
Was that the stories aren't easy
That maybe we will only see each other when we're old
Or that we'll be far apart, on the opposite ends of the sea


But you and I know what this is
We both know what's at stake
We'll both endure till the end of this
Because we both know none of this is fake


People might say we're only children
Or that it might not even be what we thought it'd be
But I know that you'll turn the other cheek, that you'll never listen
Because I know that what I feel for you is just as strong as your feelings for me
June 02, 2016
It's sad to know you he made me think he'll stay with me
Specially now that I see him happy without me, for whatever reason it may be
Jan 2017 · 442
Rain
Icarus Fray Jan 2017
Rain reminds me of comfort
It reminds me of soft sheets on my skin
The way I would snuggle up on my bed and feel warm and cold at the same time

Rain reminds me of excitement
It reminds me of the unexpected coolness in the middle of summer
The way I could run around in the streets soaking wet and yet no one thinks it wrong

Rain reminds me of solitude
It reminds me of how it can isolate me from the outside world by pouring down like a wall of tears from the sky

Rain reminds me of innocence
It reminds me of my youth
When I would pray for rain every single day to save me from going back to school

But now
Rain doesn't remind me of anything
Rain makes me think of things

Rain makes me think of how we could run around in the streets

Rain makes me wonder how it would feel like to lie on your sheets

Rain makes me wonder about locking ourselves in and just talking

Rain doesn't remind me of you

Because you make me think about Rain
June 01, 2016
This is for a guy I fell for who didn't see it coming.
He was a guy who'd do anything for me, except loving.
Jan 2017 · 212
Creatures
Icarus Fray Jan 2017
Hearts are wild, reckless, and always unpredictable

     They're the monsters we've feared when we were still young and gullible

     Yes, it hasn't been proven even though we've lived for ages

But answer me this,
       why are our ribs cages?
May 14, 2016
This was inspired by the song Creatures by Shannon Saunders
Jan 2017 · 281
A part / Apart
Icarus Fray Jan 2017
You listen to my silence the same way someone else would with my words

     You feel the gravity of my absence in ways I thought no one had ever felt my presence

     But

I thought I was a part of you as much a you are of me
And all of that was proven wrong when I watched you leave

     Because

You left a hole in my heart, in my soul, and in my life
When you decided it be better to bid me good bye
May 11, 2016
Jan 2017 · 276
Lungs
Icarus Fray Jan 2017
Love is a lot like smoking

Some people
find their peace with it

Some people
  die because of it
April 14, 2015
Jan 2017 · 213
Fall
Icarus Fray Jan 2017
I've always felt like rain or snow

People seem to admire the way I fall
January 18, 2015
Jan 2017 · 252
Fall
Icarus Fray Jan 2017
I've always felt like rain or snow

People seem to admire the way I fall
January 18, 2015
Jan 2017 · 309
Introducing me(ss)
Icarus Fray Jan 2017
Would you still hold my hand if you knew about the pills that I have to take so I can control my anger to not break it?

Would you still eat with me at lunch if you knew I had to wash an apple ten times for me to get through eating it?

Would you till laugh at my jokes if you knew that years ago I thought my life was a punch line waiting to end?

Would you still be my friend if you knew that I don't hide from my demons,
I just hide them from everyone else.
January 15, 2016
Jan 2017 · 1.3k
Boys will be boys(?)
Icarus Fray Jan 2017
"Honey, you're a boy.
You can't play with your sisters."
My mom said
As she makes me play alone
Because making sure a boy doesn't play with a Barbie is better than making sure he actually plays at all.


"Come on. Take it like a man."
My 6th grade classmate said
As he shoves me on my desk
Because I ****** at our basketball match that I didn't even want to take part of.
When my friend asked the teacher to stop my bully
She looked up from her book and said
"Boys will be boys. They'll be laughing it out later on"
But I didn't laugh. I haven't for a while


"You're a young man now. And young men don't cry"
My dad said
As he puts an ice over my bruised up eye
Maybe I should tell him that I'm not crying because it hurts
I'm crying because I have to go to school with the ones who did it
But I didn't. He'll just tell me to be tough again.


"Come on, you're a guy. Shouldn't you be out on a Friday night?"
My dad asked
As he grabbed the book that I'm reading and force me to go out with my "friends" that he didn't know I don't have.


"Seriously? Oh my god you are such a guy."
My sister said as I turned down her offer to shop at the mall
I really just didn't want to do anything
But hey, at least now I'm a boy.


"It's like being in a relationship with a robot. And quite frankly. I'm done"
My girlfriend,
I mean ex girlfriend,
say as she slams the door on her way out of my room
What if I told her I was just so used to it
Not letting my emotion out
Be tough
But she wouldn't understand
I'm not really sure if I even do understand.


"Come on. You're a guy right? You like this."
The random girl I met at this party said
As she pushed me down on the bed and starts unbuttoning my shirt
I don't want to
I wanna say
But I didn't
Because she was right
I'm a guy
I like this
I should like this

But I don't


"Why don't you try to get along with your sisters? They're your sisters for crying out loud!"
My mom said as she washes the dishes
Maybe because I never had the chance to be close to them
To actually get to know them
I want to say
No
I wanted to yell

But I never did

Because guys don't rant to their moms.

Guys should love *** and they can never get enough.


Guys shouldn't talk about their feelings.


Boys will be boys
right?
May 26, 2016

— The End —