i feel awful
and disgusted
because it's my fault
that you left but i'm still left vested

vested by you
but now you're not here
vested by you
but you're nowhere near

i hate this
and i hate me
i want nothing but to hate you
but why cant i be

why can't i breathe without looking for your approval
why can't i break down and not miss your comfort
why did you have to make me love something not so local
why is it that i want you to be happy but i want you to hurt

why aren't you hurt?
i'm not there with you but you can breathe?
i'm not there with you but you can laugh?
i'm not there with you but you're okay?
why are you okay?
why are you okay and i'm still struggling day by day

i don't want to hurt anymore
and i feel like i don't want to be free
i want to keep being in love with you but
it's apparent you'd rather not know me