I thought
I was an angel
floating above
but gravity was no friend to me
and my wings were merely an illusion
the cold hard ground below me
unforgiving skies above
I was not treasured
by anyone

I feel lost
I feel alone
Like I am standing in the middle of an intersection
With no idea of where to go
No knowledge of where I was going
Or where I came from
No street signs
No map
Confused
And lost
No way to tell
which way is home
A shot in the dark
is my only hope

Sometimes my mind is a broken record
My thoughts stuck on repeat
I've been trying to fix it
unstick it
bring it back
to playing music
glorious symphonies
but usually it just takes time
and in that wait
I must listen
to the pain
of my yesterdays
over and over
screaming for help
and I know that that pain is over
but it is the only thing I can hear
it becomes so real

All pain makes you stronger. It is a matter of how you look at it.

Lately the only thing I'm interested in is putting myself down
telling myself that I am NOT good enough
treating myself with less respect than I would ever treat anyone else
I don't even give myself the time of day
Just drowning out my thoughts
because they arent worth listening to

No matter what decision I make
I come around to say
It was probably the wrong one

There are many girls out there
with unloving fathers
I am not special in that regard
The difference is
I was always told that he did love me
And maybe in some way he did
But he was never able to show it

...if he really did

So I grew up believing
that the apathetic man
who rarely took interest in me
or the things I cared about
and constantly tore me down
with every mistake I made
was the epidemy of love

I learned to trust words over actions
somewhere deep down
I always knew his actions didn't line up
but you can do anything to convince yourself of love