your skin is warm under my hands,
goosebumps rising under my finger tips.
we have made a castle out of our blankets,
just for the two of us.
our bodies entertwined,
like vines grasping at the sun.
our voices only a whisper,
their words a secret only we know.
I wish we could be this way
Forever.

when asked your favorite color how do you respond?
"blue! like the ocean"
"yellow! like the sun"
"silver! like the stars"
pink, like the color of your lips and the blush that creeps across your cheeks.
green, like the specks that dot your eyes
red, for the night we kissed in your car, hands intertwined and fingers at our throats.
gray, your favorite shirt.
black, the ink that stretches across your skin, Ive traced these tracks a million times and still get lost
those are the colors I wanted to say.
"I don't know, purple?"

in my minds eye I can perfectly picture the curve of your hip.
how it moves under my hands.
i can hear the way you laugh when my fingertips tap across your spine, your ribs dancing underneath the skin.
your intake of breath as my lips brush your collarbone.
in my minds eye I can see your beauty,
breathtaking in all its glory.
and yet you don't understand
that you hold the sun in your eyes
and lightning shoots from your fingertips.
you are a walking manifestation of heaven on earth
i hear it in your laugh
i taste it on your skin
i feel it in the way our hearts beat steady,
in sync as one.
my beautiful miracle

I am alone.
alone
a l o n e
1 word, 2 syllables, 5 letters
a word so small that carries so much weight.
did I ever tell you how scared I am of being left alone with myself?

happy.
I am happy.
and that's all I ever wanted to be.

Sometimes I surprise myself.
I'm the type to never show anyone my emotions.
Its like poker- you don't show the hand you've been dealt or you lose everything.
But sometimes I'll slip up
With you I laid all my cards on the table and gave you a peak.
You took a sledgehammer to the wall of stone surrounding me
Mortar and dust crumbling down
I thought you'd keep me afloat in all of this and you did for a while
But suddenly you left
And I no longer had a wall to lean on
And I felt like I was falling.
Each day was like 1 step forward but then I'd see the sun and it'd remind me of those lazy Sunday mornings we spent on your grandmother's porch
I'd remember the way your lips tasted like lemonade and how when you'd step into the light your freckles would show
"angel kisses" your grandmother called them
And I was so sure she was right
Because if anyone was worthy of an angels kiss it would be you.
And then I'd be 100 steps back.
I spent most of my days that summer lying in bed
With my phone two rooms away so I wouldn't be tempted to call but wishing you would so I could say I was the stronger one. That I wasn't the desperate one. But god was I desperate.
To hear your voice
To trace my fingertips over your arms
To see your eyes crinkle when you laughed.
I was so ******* desperate
But then slowly
I'd spend less of my time wondering about you
and your friends
and the girl you promised me was "nothing to worry about" but I should've known.
I was able to stand again
To keep myself up.
It took me months to heal when I never imagined I could
Sometimes I surprise myself.

Empty
This is what I feel when its 3 am and I'm laying in bed awake
Although my eyes are heavy from lack of sleep I cannot bring myself to close them
I want to lay in the darkness for as long as I can
I also want to scream, to break the silence that has fallen on my house like smog
But I can't bring myself to open my mouth
I'm too tired
In the mental and physical sense of the word
Too tired to speak and to scream and too tired to do anything
I used to be happy
When did I stop being this way? I don't remember anymore
When did I stop smiling? Or looking people in the eye
When did people stop caring?
About me
About how I'm feeling
But I wouldn't even know what to say if they asked
How would you describe the feeling of being empty when you still remember what it was like to be whole? To be full to the brim?
How do you portray how your chest tightens every morning when you wake up
Or how it feels like I'm drowning inches away from the surface of the water and if only I could make it those few more inches I could **** in the sweet air
How do you explain that it feels like I'm running towards the light at the end of the tunnel but the light has vanished years ago.
But I'm still running. Hoping and praying to a god I don't believe in that the light is just around the bend.
And thats all I've got left
Like Pandora, I've let out all the monsters and plauges and evil but I've kept hope close.