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I'm stuck in this place
I don't know what to say
my heart is in three
what should I do
I listen to it
but the beats are to loud to hear them all
all that I feel I like but which would be that right one to go to
so what should I decide to go
Should I go back there or stay where I am and there is another door that could open which way should I go
Inside I'm stuck in this spot with three ways to go but which would be the best though
You talk to me like I'm human
That I could be your best friend
You don't realise the things I say
Are just ******* excuses
To keep you from seeing
Exactly what it is I really am
On the outside you'll see a smile
On the inside you'll see
Daggers in the headlights of my reflection
Shotgun shells falling quicker than my pulse
All I am is hatred to myself
You see me as a shy kid
Sometimes gutsy to show the way
Trying to have a little fun in my life
But that's always the lie I'll live
The everyday excuse to why I'm a ****
Why I can't tell a girl I love her
Outside it's because it's who I am
Inside it's because I'm afraid
What kind of man cuts himself
Holds his scars with more pride than his honor
Would rather fight to feel pain
Than watch himself feel loved
It's the self loathe you don't see
My best friend is a rotting corpse
And it always seems to cry before I can
Your'e just the outside excuse
For everyday I feel like doing something
The excuses became an empire of lies
I seem to have coronated myself in
I'll sit upon my throne of desolation
While you play jester
Trying to make a sad king smile
That everyday excuse
It's nothing, I'm fine, Honestly
Became the reason I never learned to love myself
Just feeling down, I'll get backup
Originally posted one year ago


Things I'll Never Be

So many things I'll never be,
elegant, tall and thin,
with an Englishman's confidence.
Blonde and beautiful, transformational, radiating,
possessing a Marilyn Monroe spell magical,
nope, not me.

Some things I was, I'll never be again.
Never be a sad-eyed teenager again, and for this,
in my morning prayers, I utter a blessing,
(tho my hormones have yet to be informed!)

Soul of brevity, poetically,
I'll never be, this insightful critique,
("Your poems are too long")
I've received in multiplicity, from sources internationally,
perhaps, lucky me, you've read this far?

Surely still a chance that an angel will touch my lips,
my internal parts sign a final treaty, inside an armistice,
night sweats sighs a thing fully forgot,
poetry writing can now be dispatched,
maybe that will be my Act III,
if I can stay awake for it.

Switches in my brain are shutting down this elegy,
knowing that a dozen stanzas will die stillborn,
so herein and here now, the door closes,
a parting shot escapes over the door sill.

A joy thin threads within, pumped thru my ventricles,
brook springs from sources non-DNA, holy external,
oft hid, well disguised under actor's white face makeup,
this peculiar joy, as long as it embraces me and I, it,

I'll never be unhappy any more.
"Confused"
I'm so confused
What should I do
Should I get a new
Or should I fight for you
You the one that has my heart
And has ripped it out multiple times
the pain the pain it drives
Me to a new but if I get this new
will it be a full relationship
Between me and her
or would it be a false love
That she would notice
maybe it's best to
Be solo until something
is presented to me
To convince me is
real and not just a romanticism
Leave me alone
Stop making me think of you
I remember everything about you
Your smile
Your laugh
Everything
But get out of my head
I don't love you anymore
Or do I
No I don't
I love her
She's the one I love
She's starting to notice
Somethings on my mind
And she can't find out
I've been thinking of you
I love her
I love her more than anything
But why have I been thinking of you?
I can't figure it out
My heads a mess
I can't think
It's all just one big mess
I wish I could clear it
Just please stay out
I think about you
But I don't love you
I'm with her
I love her
Why won't you get out if my head
"What Will Happen!!!"
How do I know there is anyone else
how can I be sure what will come
how do I know that you really feel that way
what will I do if I fall again
that's the answer I don't know
I don't know what I would do it
you tear my heart in two again
that will be the end
the end of my humanity
the end of my sanity
the end of this whole place
I will challenge someone to fear combat
just to end it there
If I go on like the way I would
I would be a soul
with no meaning or no heart
I would be the man of a shadow that used to be
the man that has to smoke **** to feel free
the man that won't give a crap what you think
that man that you will learn to fear
or gets unset over every little thing
this is what will happen if
you break the heart in me
"Ragnarök"
    It sates itself on the life-blood
    of fated men,
    paints red the powers' homes
    with crimson gore.
    Black become the sun's beams
    in the summers that follow,
    weathers all treacherous.

    Do you still seek to know? And what?
    
Brothers will fight
    and **** each other,
    sisters' children
    will defile kinship.
    It is harsh in the world,
    whoredom rife
    —an axe age, a sword age
    —shields are riven—
    a wind age, a wolf age—
    before the world goes headlong.
    No man will have
    mercy on another.
Sometimes wish it will come already
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