Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Hannah Apr 2021
used to be a comfort for her
but now it's - what?
a house with a bed with little joys
but it's not the same as it used to be
is it?

someone once told her
'i can tell you're suffocating a bit'
and that phrase has stuck with her
come back to her every now and then

the more things happen the more
she realises they're right, she is
suffocating, stuck, struggling
to hold on and be who she is, who she wants to be

now she sits up in bed
they're still there, they're happy
but she isn't, she's uncomfortable in
her own skin, it just doesn't fit

she doesn't like who she is
when she's there, she feels like
it's the old her and she doesn't want that
not anymore

but isn't it ungrateful to
not appreciate everything she has
why want more, people would ****
for what she has

and yet, she wants to write her
own story, own beginning, start
her chapter, her legacy,
her family
im back with more non-poetry, just a thought dump with random line breaks
Hannah Mar 2020
sometimes its depression
numbing yourself so you don't feel
sad or angry or anything
so you don't hurt
inside and out

sometimes its tiredness
thinking and feeling and empathising
so much that your emotions shut down
you smile nicely at everything
and you know how to react
just enough to look okay

sometimes its wishfulness
hoping and praying so hard
that the pain suffered by the one you love
could disappear, because you're helpless
and you want so badly for them to feel better

because emptiness is what they feel
so maybe somehow
by feeling the same way
it'll help them
it's worth a shot
Hannah Dec 2019
if i'm not alive
- i won't be here to give them so many problems
- so maybe i shouldn't be

if i'm injured
- they'll forget about all the smaller problems
- so maybe i should be

if i'm gone
- they won't suffer the bad that i've brought
- the frustration and anger
- so maybe
why are holidays always such ******* horrible times
Hannah Aug 2019
burden
disgusting
out of place
too sensitive
insecure
weak
******* idiot

no one's said it to my face, but i've said it to myself
maybe a thousand times over
words running through my head on replay
and replay
and replay
and replay
and replay

until i can't really hear anything else
i'm hurting the people i love
and i'm watching it happen
and i can't stop it

trapped and out of control
drowning in self pity, what a fool
idiot, fool, what is wrong with you

stuck
Hannah Jan 2019
Old thoughts haunting me
I messed up
I did something wrong
I wasn't enough

I should pay
I used to accept my fate
Take the defeat and revel in it
Love the pain

But now I have another voice
In my head, a reason to fight
Usually a landslide victory, easy
But tonight is different

Tonight I'm losing a battle
I didn't realise I was fighting
you've given me a reason to fight, but tonight's just hard
Hannah Dec 2018
1 in 5 will have depression

did they mean people
or
weeks in a month
days in a week
hours in a day

it's funny how people go through life not feeling this

the feeling of
wanting attention but to disappear
wanting to hurt yourself but not feel pain
**** yourself but not die
Hannah Dec 2018
i hate myself so ******* much
looking for a blade to cut my wrists open
see a thumbtack
no courage to do it
white walls around me
imagining my blood splattered all over
let's paint the town red
if i jump off now
do you think i would die
funny thing is
i dont wanna die
i just dont want anything to happen to me ever again
every good thing has a bad thing
are good things worth it then?
whats the point in being happy if
its just digging a deeper ditch for next time
new highs mean lower lows
what fun

why can't i just go back to a time
where it was normal
where i wasnt having a breakdown every week
twice a week
where i didnt complain about every ******* problem
and make such a big deal out of every small ******* thing
hurting the one i love most
making them think theyre the problem
it's all me it's always me it's always been me it'll always be me

enter: new fear
that you'll be so done with me
that you'll leave
and then everything becomes a problem
everything is my problem
everything is my fault
it's always me it's always me it's always me
i need to STOP
but how
stop feeling?
stop complaining?
cry to myself instead?
yes that'll do the trick
ill just share how i got over it
who needs attention anyway
let me shrivel up unnoticed
i shouldn't need attention
attention is stupid and im a joke
Next page