i hate myself so ******* much
looking for a blade to cut my wrists open
see a thumbtack
no courage to do it
white walls around me
imagining my blood splattered all over
let's paint the town red
if i jump off now
do you think i would die
funny thing is
i dont wanna die
i just dont want anything to happen to me ever again
every good thing has a bad thing
are good things worth it then?
whats the point in being happy if
its just digging a deeper ditch for next time
new highs mean lower lows
what fun

why can't i just go back to a time
where it was normal
where i wasnt having a breakdown every week
twice a week
where i didnt complain about every ******* problem
and make such a big deal out of every small ******* thing
hurting the one i love most
making them think theyre the problem
it's all me it's always me it's always been me it'll always be me

enter: new fear
that you'll be so done with me
that you'll leave
and then everything becomes a problem
everything is my problem
everything is my fault
it's always me it's always me it's always me
i need to STOP
but how
stop feeling?
stop complaining?
cry to myself instead?
yes that'll do the trick
ill just share how i got over it
who needs attention anyway
let me shrivel up unnoticed
i shouldn't need attention
attention is stupid and im a joke