I do not think I am vain
Just naive
And surprised my my own dark eyed
And darker circles

It is as if
My most golden time
Was when I had absolutely
No need for gold
All that altered my life
Was the glimmer in your eye

Can I be outside
Trapped in a toilet chamber
Alone
And it's funny
To everyone but me
Nobody knows
I guess it's not funny at all

I don't like to be alone
I'm scared of people
And I'm wondering
Who locked the door on humanity
When I was still outside
Lost in this garden
Smelling the roses

I'll knock but there will be no answer
See my people through portholes
Pray for someone else who
Likes nighttime walks
And midnight talks
To come outside
And see me for once

Sit back down on my throne
Hunch over
Resign myself to being alone
I scream into the void
Of the night to no answer
There is no hope in opening a door
That I locked myself

I live in a world
Where the mist never burns off
It's okay
I like the rain
And the mystery
Because when the sun shines through
I get to dance like
I've never danced before
Spinning alone in the sunshine
Walking in the cold
Air slips down my throat
Stare out at the mist
And a little sun comes through
I can feel that warmth
I can feel that love
That's why
Take two steps forward when you fall
Not steps anymore
Run
Running for the sun
Longing to dance and be
In my darkest days
I cry and stay awake
All night and I'm
Not thinking of killing myself
I thinking about the sun
How beautiful it is
How I want to see it again
Contrary to your belief
I do not see the world in grey
But in green
And red and orange
And you
In all of your splendor
Could I be so humbled
As to see you again
Do not worry about me
Too young and dumb to die
Too young and dumb to never see the sun
But smart enough to know
That nothing matters
When I'm dancing with you

he introduces himself
saying quiet, but slipping in, firm:

“something he knows for sure,
no is no”

I, (19, f)

replying, smiling
saying louder, firmer:

“something she knows for sure,
yes is yes”

and he says

“yes, ma’am,”

returning her smile, so shyly,
while blushing, so loudly,
thinking he said something dumb,
looking down at his shuffling feet,
covered in worn out cowboy boots

I like this guy
I like this man.

There is a cold tingle upon my spine
Cold hands wrapped around my feet
The sun I see is a harsh line
On wooden panels
Perhaps I should go back to sleep

The clock strikes a weary noon
Silence meets my wake
Eyes open to the same old room
Chained by indifference
Different days spent standing in place

Beneath my sheets I stir and twist
Eyes flicker with dreams
My mind grasps me with an iron fist
Trapping my physical form
And tearing at all of my seams

Early mornings
Apple in hand
Staring out at the fog
I'd like to think that
Things would be better with you