Where the lines blur, and pages end
where I cannot see a future anymore
for us
where the light and darkness come
and pass as time, here it is only grey
inside

There used to be a window where
a sparrow hid at light-crack by the sill
and sang
shrilly in the morning, he would sing
calling in the light of God, he’d sing
for us

The silence has grown thick, shaved ragged
potential, daydreams posed as promises
sharp was the resonation of our love
sharp are vile weapons and words drawn
between us now

Betrayal finds its way upon my tongue
I’d spit it out before it turns to venom
I’d have to say you’re poison to me now
left with nothing but constriction and a
failing heart

Were you my elixir, but a count of days before?
How sweet the lily of the valley’s scent
how pure is her white compilation of
forever restfulness, the peaceful trickery
and death

I’d say it’s time to lay this love to rest
Place flowers at the feet of mounds of earth
seal the wound of expecting hearts, we were
bleeding fluid prayers upon the stones
Attempting to bring the dead
Back to life

He
Sat by the riverbank
He
Laughed like cold water
He
Brought to me, the ocean

He...
Where the current runs
behind, beneath
The undertow
Of his eyes
drowning Me

He
Left the scent of good-
Bye Before he’d
leave
As the scent of autumn
Promises winter
And barren, silent trees

My oars
set to the waves
To the phantom of
My sea
The wreck was me
Picking up every shell
Listening
for the sound
Of your feet
the waves
in your eyes
Returning for me
I wait with the moon
For your tides
Hazel is the color
Of the setting
Of my dreams
As they drifted away
In your
castaway-eyes


And I
Knew better
And you
Spoke plainly
And I
Heard nothing
Of the truth
That you
Gave me
But your voice-
It’s remaining
And your eyes
Are engraving
Their colors
on my canvas heart
like your initials
in my ****** bark
That leaves a wound
to die or scar
beneath its message

By the morning and the light
The bringer of life gives back
a day to stand before You
unveiled, touched, praying
Praise be to You who blessed
me with another waking

I have been asleep
In a dream that I believed in
and I’d captured scenes
that fooled me out of reason
upon the place I stood before
I fall on battered knees

I’ve seen the end so clearly
I ran with them, to You. They
who were the faithful,
they that followed truth...
blind are we by the light
or darkness, we all fall to ruin

What right do dreams have
wandering and imagining
such glory as to be the one
who speaks the truth of You
What remark have my lips parted
or refrained, to earn the words of You?

What right does my heart have
to this yearning for Your guidance
The one whose hand does hold the glory
of the morning, and the tide
In them are signs for us who wonder
we too will fall and rise

I put on earrings today
the ones with the bronze suns
I woke to a blue sky
in winter

Lipstick on my lips
for the first time in 6 years
I laughed at my old fool
reflection

Sighs and forlorn stares
had long graced my view glass
now a clean canvas
before me

Most tentative, the first stroke
such a daunting liberty
my pallet still holds
all the colors

Could one forget how
to see in the mind’s eye
the shapeshifting forms
of the spirit

Let the quiet come
When did your form
cease to fill this room
the still air breaks
silence where
your breath once warmed
these walls
How broad this world
has become
how shapeless
aimed at nothing,
this quiver of dreams
a compass, cracked
point back at me
pooled in stagnant fear
and shame
Where does
this road lead
without your guidance
How can I see
over this wall
when it is built
of my own being?
To stand, to look away
from my own vision
to recognize
the difference
between a
lesson
and a warning
In those bonds
of reason
is it where
your voice is hiding?
Call me back
turn me away
from this poison

If I was the lucky one
if a prize was to be won
I have gambled; I have lost
I've held on far too long.

The will to live fades and I've prayed.
I carried nothing but bare hide and bones
to your shelter of cracks in truth and holes in your faith
are home.
I lose myself and become blind
there is no heart or home of mine.

To forget is to force another
wanted memory from my mind.
To remain is torture, hypocrisy,
and secrets to hide.
To concern the self with fruitless pride,
in-valiant efforts
and a waste of valued time.

Time to divulge in the depths of nothing
To accept my fate
and time to wait.
Patience is time
and time to waste, on well placed venom
while love's demise is taken in haste.

The heart begins to consume the mind.
with thoughtless sadness and
denial of passed time.
All end in a bloodless destruction
by a vile end of a weakened spine.

Bodies of virility and sensation,
eager and satiable by little; given much
a cloak of blindness on tenderness and touch,
hale weakness, to be conquered by
corresponding lust.

The heat of your anger singes my soul.
These ashes are worth keeping, as they burned for you.
Take your tribute with satisfaction. In such light I am blinded of my  own existence.
Like diamonds from coal, I have awaited your  revival; beautiful, rejuvenated.
Forever doesn't seem as long as you will have me wait.
A response is like gold to me these days.... My poverty astounds me.

I’d buy you flowers
never roses
don’t want to lead you wrong
because the truth is
you’ll never know that
I’ve loved you all along
I never wanted
you to see me
watching you with dreams
in my eyes
I’ve practiced my care-less
face of indifference
that burns with a fierceness
in a furnace inside
So many years of
searching for soul mates
one for each other
knowing your distaste
for what we are offered
So why when I settled
myself down in ruins
to try and build something
for the sake of a home
would you never tell me
that you too did love me
and would have given me flowers
if you would have known?
but now there are years and
obligations between us
and love has deformed our
once innocent gaze
so lower your eyes love
and look towards your footsteps
they’re walking towards choices
that both of us made
and your new lover will take first
the time that I gave you
and then all the words
I was too scared to speak
and form them to ribbons
to tie you to their love
and give you their fire
with an open hearth

Here, my trees, my spring
Here, new life begins

Here, the trees croak and moan as they make love to the wind

Here, blossoms quiver and send perfume to a distant lover

And beasts, overjoyed by their burden
Fear not shame, seek no shelter

He moves me too, tree dancer
Here, wood whisperer tell me the secrets

That you bend to

I remember you
Like the blooms of dawn remember
The color of the rising sun
A sacred waiting love
descending in rays
Eternal in passing time
Thaw dew crystals hardened in darkness
And through thundering skies
I feel your blessings
in drops of miracles, of life
And proof of the destruction  
Wrought by the deepest nurturing love.
I remember you in the hardest of times
Compassion softens devastating falls
Soothed, I swayed gently as you carried my burden
leaving the strength of the journey in my soul to wield
and sheltered beneath your hand
I remember you in happiness
My lifestream, my quickening heart.
The rose in my cheeks trying to match your dusk and dawn
But these chambers are small for the swelling of the soul
Tears are only excess love these shallow walls could not hold
As even the world and skies could not withhold the rain
And pour down love
In remembrance of your name.

I set the kettle
down
that aroma
that rose
on the steam
those sage and honey
scented memories
come back to me
so suddenly
I could hardly stand
to keep myself
composed
I remembered
vividly
our kitchen
the cabinets
that held
all of my dreams
that knife
block full of
my secrets
a sink
running water
to rinse away
your criticism
and fill me
with
regret

Come again, the resting wall
the sleep-walkers silence
so cruel, so forgiving
to cover these tracks
such a soft redemption
with your cold and biting kisses
whip across my lashes
melt upon my lips
love me as I love you
every perfect prism
reflecting your crystal eyes
countless lovely visions
freezing time
as they all fall in ending
the refraction of our days
we shall pass this recollection
together at the mending
and the everlasting

Sharpen your blade
Turn my face East
A lamb in your hands
Bless me, curse me
Give me your poetry

Your gait speaks
The way rain dances
For wet and trembling
virile soil, speaks in
whispers to my
fertile soul
A hunger and a
Milk and honey storm

Your affection is like perfume
And my soul wears it
Like a ****** wears virtue
Intoxicated by
The mere scent of knowing you
My spirit moves to it, madly, taken
Writes love songs
On holy walls
your affection is like perfume
It lingers and fades

On love and hate what can a heart learn?
Where is the place of letting go?
What lines to cross to hurt and turn
away from what love we know?

What words weaken knees and hands?
Cold distances that fill with warmth and flesh?
amendments, closure, and future plans?
Pulsing blood, and battered breath..?

OH love I'd been wanting to say I have learned
alas, no lesson on love or hate can last.
As if not I, but love does yearn
for the verboten love of chances passed .

Ten thousand miles you have ambled,
calloused soul to say the least,
and words like sand beneath your feet,
part only to give you passage,
and they will scorch you like the sun,
in silence, carry on
lest your fire come to ashes.

What can I say?
You have
outsmarted all my metaphors
and all of my clichés
are insulting to your love
I wouldn’t write another poem
telling you how much I care
I can’t say again I love you
in any other way
How do I
describe the color
of your soul; that light
No winter sends
shivers up my spine
the way your eyes do

and the fertile raindrop-whispers
falling on my ears
there’s no autumn, or spring
to show me life like your heart does
no sun could match
the summer of your love

What can I say?
I had no words left
to hide behind
So I ran, but
where wouldn’t you find me
in a world that revolves around
you and I?
and so you found me
and where I lay
didn’t drag me out
didn’t sweep me off my feet
but lay shaking
beside me

Ive packed my soul
and all thats left
Ill walk this path
Alone this time.
so long my love.
Heres to my life.
Ill close my eyes
This time.
Goodbye my love.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
No regret and no regard
my leaden legs
no trace or sound
of Life.
Only for now my heart,
Youve gone
Where i cannot.
farewell,
So long,
Goodbye my heart.
Ill leave this time,
Only after goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Darkeness again,
My dear old friend,
The rythm
Of love
Of life and blood.
Last breaths and rights,
In long goodnights,
Far stares and sighs,
Never enough to mean goodbye
My love
But for now
Goodbye
Goodbye.

Silence
Timeless waiting
Rushing water
Suspended in ether
The calling of angels
The cradle of God
Outgrown

The lesser God
The mother's milk
Suspended in flesh
Melodious voices
Replacing the song
Of angels and ether
And objective love

The false God
The wanting
The trying
The failing
The short
Temper
Of reality

Calling to the cradle
Savoring the waning time
Searching for lost angels
Forgetting their faces
Forgetting their names
Waiting for their voices
Calling back home


Outgrown
The rushing time
The calling of temptation
The timeless waiting
The hold of flesh
To the silence and
The cradle of God

Let's have some great
conversation
I want to grab
your attention
I want to feel
your inflections
As you feel my
inspiration

I want to make love
to your mind
I want to tempt
your intellect
I want to caress your
cognizance, and
slide down into your
dreams

Just let me taste
your ambition
You know I ache for
your divinity
I want to shake your
intuition
Until your
Essence breaks free

Lay down your pen, love
I am wanting for your ear
Commend your mind to me
My love, do lend what you can spare

I've a little worry of
The time we spend too near
With loss of veils between our hearts-
Left to the open air

Wrench away my wanting, pray
You give me back my stead
'Fore I've lost more than daydreams
In the changing of a bed

I miss the Ivy
I miss not knowing
I miss their love, for what it was worth
I miss my family
I miss the light, in my
mother's eyes. And I,
miss places that I have never been
and never will be
Because with my expectations,
They've changed.

I miss dancing
Swinging my arms wildly
Grasping for God.
I miss my dreams
at night and day
I miss the color of
my impractical endeavors
that lightened the gravity
Of my existence.

I miss the colors of autumn
And the smell of the wetness
Of settling Earth
And leaves
I miss the colors
That come from inside.
I miss the wind and
Never cursing it.

I miss the indulgence
Of my own insanity,
Finding it is the farthest
from sin.
I miss knowing
The road to God
I miss the traces and shadows
Of heaven in the
righteous' eyes. And I
I miss him, and her
And them.

Play like the good girls
paper dolls and plaster
bulletproof glass
and your illusory laughter

Twelve years to the surface
For one cycle of stillness
Choose your weapon
A cure for my sickness

You keep your time
give me back my change
countless tears from empty eyes
Twenty six years of pain

The friend behind the locks
who keeps keys and secrets
I am all you have besides
the cold and the jacket

Doctor, make your monster
something she can love
and I'll be the one to fear
the open door

Haven’t I softened sweetly  
mixed in such a lovely hue
to paint something beautiful
for you…always for you

I ground her to dust
and mixed her with blood
and stirred her with moments
and drew her a life

She looked into mirrors
She stayed to your touch
She learned how to whisper
She learned how to lie

Who would it be drowning
****** or suicide
no one knows her but She
and She stays inside

You ask me for love…
you tell me to guide you to the sun
you call me rain, washer of wounds
you’ve come stripped and fragile
raw and wounded seeking something
Sure to be the words I could
give you nothing of
No more than a ledge from which
I’d one day let you down
the truth I’d found in your seasons
and your violent storms
Find the fruit that hangs the bough
find it in the silence, stay your weapon
more than captured, sweet and ripened in the waiting
pick to fill your soul and not your mouth
sugars come swiftly and roots make anchors
until the rain will come again

When did I change course? Where did you come from? Treacherous water, I was so close to shore, so close to coming home. How did you capture me? Pulling me under, you take me to depths I never thought I’d survive. So suddenly you’ve taken me, left me without direction when all I had were plans. I mapped every detour, every corner so I’d never be left wandering again. It was without a partner I took on this voyage, and with a ward of mine I conquered thirst and hunger. Left no ounce of need and no time for wanting we made our way through nothing and everything. Where did you come from, to change my direction? I am as good off course as I am at the bottom of the sea. Is that where you’re taking me? Why have you left me? A test of love so great, to trust in shadows of promises. In darkness, loneliness, and cold water I am wading. Take me to the center of the sea and leave me waiting.

Here lie the dreams of angels
siphoned from innocence
forced out by perception
Conclusive perversions
buildings and blessings
torn down to stones and shadows
where we hide

a spirit playing at something
greater than haunting
an alchemist mixing
blood, tears and ashes
as her soul, the beloved
in the eternal presence,
is searching for the
energy to bind
and make whole again
this life

So I call to you with my voice
and I beg for your attention
and I give you all my pieces
like you asked for them
what do I have to lose now
If all my stronger vices
take me out of sight
of something greater
in my own Self

You bring the color to my eyes
Giving life to an empty form
On the canvas stretched by God’s hands
paint me something beautiful

Rock me to the harmony of your soul
I cannot help but dance
to the rhythm of your love
as it sings the hymn of my heart