How do you **** something that is inside you
Cutting your wrist?
No that doesn't work
Stop eating?
No that does nothing except hurt
Purging?
No, it's still inside
How do you **** something that is part of you
That is you
A part of you
Not a small part
Or even half
It consumes you
But
It hates people
Friends
People who want to help
It kills it
Smothers it
So let someone help
I want to help you
I'm not using the passive form of you
Not a general you
But you
Specifically you
I want to help you
I understand what so feels like to be dead inside
To have nothing to lose
So let me give you something to live for
And then maybe
I might have something to live for too

I know I shouldn't be scared of you
I know I shouldn't double check the locks
on the doors and windows every night
It doesn't do anything
You always find a way in
You slither into my room
Invading my thoughts
You keep my up at night
I used to stay up to keep you away
You used to be afraid of the light
But now you're not afraid of anything
So I'm afraid of everything
I used to be indifferent
Apathetic
But the constant loss of sleep
And the continuos unbearable stress has made me grind my teeth again
My canines are almost flat
And maybe that's why you're not afraid of me anymore
I am no longer a threat
I'm barely a person and you're not helping
Go back to juvie because I can't
Deal won't your drug anymore
You won't let me focus
Stop standing outside my window
I said no
But you didn't listen
And now I've started sleeping with a knife under my pillow again
I wish you would just leave me alone
But you can't and I understand that
So next time you try to **** yourself over me
Let me know so we can talk
You know I don't like you
And I know you think you love me
But you don't know me
No one can love me
Because
There is nothing left to love
You call me beautiul
And that makes me uncomfortable
Because I hate when people lie to me
How can you look at my disfigured soul
And see anything less than
Complete failure
I'm a mess
But I don't want you to clean me up
Because I can't think in a spotless room
I can't find a thing when it's put away
It's like reverse OCD
But you don't understand that
So you stand outside my living room window
Waiting for a glimpse of me
Because I don't answer the door when you knock
You pound on the door like the pounding in my room
From the rocks you throw at my window
Pretty soon it's going to crack
And the I will have to tell people about you
There is a reason I no longer sleep with my shades up
I don't want you to watch me anymore
So please just leave me alone

"Shes useless."  My dad whispers to my mom
Talking about another mistake
"Shut the **** up!" My dad yells at my face
Stopping me from contradicting his hurtful words
"Why can't she do anything right?" My dad mutters to himself
Staring at my below average report card

If you ask me why I never tryout for anything
I'll say, "I'm useless."
If you ask me why I've stopped talking
I'll say, "I need to shut the **** up."
If you ask me why I sit and do nothing
I'll say, "I can't do anything right."

*All he ever does is tell me how I have messed up 107 ways in life, and then wonders why we never talk.