the sad thing is, is that i would do anything for you, but you wont give me the time of day unless you are yearning for a glimpse of my body. i don't know why i talk to you still, but i just crave you endlessly. over and over i try to convince myself that if i wait for you then you'll have to like me, you'll have to love me, but it isn't going to happen. after our daily late night snapchatting i tell myself "that's the last time i talk to him," but a little voice in the back of my head always says "but what if he does love you? what if he does care about you? what if he will come back to you? what if." and then the moment i see your name pop up on my screen, i swiftly answer you without fail and the vicious cycle continues on. i know i just end up hurting myself by dreaming about you and picturing the 'what ifs' but i just can't help it. something draws me to you that no matter what i do i just come crawling to your feet. i realize that i had a chance, something that feels like forever ago, that i ******* up. i've done that with every relationship i've been in, but something was different about you. my debilitating fear of commitment from my childhood ****** relationship with my abandoning mother led me to ending something that was so special. after 2 weeks, i realized how badly i messed up. i really thought that i loved you and that's why i left. whenever things are good i don't want to be the one that's left brokenhearted and abandoned so i dip. i wish with all my aching heart that things turned out differently and then things might have still been good now. i remember about 2 months ago when you had a fling with a girl for 3 weeks and when she posted a picture of you and her i cried until i couldn't breathe. in reality i've bawled my eyes out about you so many times i can't keep track, when i never cross your mind. i just end up feeling like i will never be good enough. i wish now that i wasn't laying here at 3am wishing away my unrequited love.
my 3am rant