Dear Great Grandma,
Thank you. Thank you for the loud 4 o'clock steeler games, and the snacks that followed them. Thank you for the Saris' ice cream dates that included and eruption of chocolate sprinkles

in every romance i fall into blindly
there’s always a curious tie
invisible but inevitable
and this one has been yanking my pinkie since December
and every time we encounter one another, i can feel the gentle nudge from angels above and the kind whisper from the summer breeze
but your pinkie is being tugged by another
she holds your heart, and you hold hers
and it doesn’t look like you’ll be letting go anytime soon.
but when the day comes when your tie gives out and hearts shatter across the cream stained marble floor,
i’ll be here
waiting patiently
for you

Like the flower that sprouts in April
And buds in early May
To rise up to the golden sun
And bloom on a bright June day
I rose up to your golden light
in search for something more
yet all I found was nothing, even down to your core
Your empty promises wilted me
Like a flame to a burning match
Still I grapsed on for the life of me
when you hardly stayed attached
So as fall came around the corner
my leaves had blown estray
even as a small seed I still waited
to see if you'd be back the next day
but soon enough it got colder
and clouds blocked your radiant light
so as I fell dormant, in powdered snow
I watched you trail out of sight.
As March soon came into view, the ice melted into rain
the soil blessed me with new roots
My petals felt new, though they were the same
Letting go brought pain in the moment
and there's no way of knowing when,
You too will have your spring
and you too will start again.

I am not hot
Hot is a bowl of soup or a fresh cup of coffee
I am not hot
If you touch me will I burn you?
You’d think an English major would have wider vocabulary
Hot is not romantic hot is merely a weather forecast
For this forecast is expecting thunder if you call me hot again
But hot is what you settle for
Hot is what you say
Is hot supposed to make me swoon
In some romantic way?
Hot will sexualize and demise my self worth
Because hot is not me
It will label my beautiful with a 50% off sticker
And it will place me on a pedestal and shine spotlights on my bare body
Yelling slurs from below me and taunting my every move
Hot is not hot
I am not hot

The cool brisk air whips across my skin,
the dark salted waves are soon breathed in,
inhaling and impaling what now lies grim,
the solem ocean blue.

It chills my spine, as it's escape unwinds,
losing track of time and sight,
My eyes go silver, my hair goes gray,
I die with infernal night.

No ships are looking for my remains,
Neptune plays such tortuous games,
I'm lost at sea and full of pain,
You solem ocean blue.

I am the rumors you've heard,
the whispers in the wind,
the dark of an old folklore,
the crazy that lies within.


For I am the dead of cool night,
a starless sky without light,
you shalln't put up a fight, for this very night
You'll join me in the solem ocean blue.

Your lips are made of sugar, your sweet voice melts my heart
You stitch my wounds with candy floss, when I start to fall apart
patch my cuts with gumdrops, and dry every tear
bite off all the bitter, and kiss away the fear
It's nice to have a candyman but what I really want to know
is when the sweetness rots away will a sour side start to grow?
will this start to bore you? will my face become a dull sight?
will you leave my texts on read after pointless fights?
will you sell your sweets to another, and leave me blind?
because every sweet soul, has a bitter mind

I try to keep it all together
But everyone is dependeding on me
Everything depends on my sucess or my kindess
I can't do this I can't breathe this air, or look at myself in the mirror when I hate who I see
when I know that I can never stop being the girl that everyone hates
the girl that everyone talks about behind her back
the girl that everyone glares at and stares at
this girl who is selfish and stupid and insolent
this cruel, harsh, greedy persona is now permanent
shes lost in her ******* mind because the world is just as bad
she wants to ******* die, to sleep and cry
to let go of her sanity and just fall, fall, fall down into deaths arms
because my sickness just makes everyone's life harder and less liveable
I just wish I wasn't born as "me"
I wish some other unlucky soul had the burden of being this skin slashing human
But it fell upon me

I didn't know you didn't like me
I didn't know I made you mad
I didn't know I made you cry
I didn't know I hurt you so bad
I didn't know you hated me so
and I didn't think that we would end
But when you tell your little fibs,
They break shards that refuse to mend.
Your cruel words are masked behind a pretty face
And your smile leads me on to believe
That it truly is okay, but then you say
words that leave me deceived.
Your vicious claws tear through my skin
and you leave me out to bleed,
but in some twisted way, you whisper lies into their minds
and the blame, once again, rests upon me.

My heart is in a million different places
When all I want, is for it to be here

In a sea of unfamiliar faces,
Some I used to know,
I am dragged into the navy abyss
And left to stand alone.
I’m drowning myself slowly
In a fate that I had drawn
Because even if they cared
The wouldn’t notice I was gone.
I’m dowsed in regret and self hate
But I won’t say it’s your fault
Because you’ll  beat me until I’m broken
And fill my wounds with salt.
I can never be enough for you
I can’t be who I am not
And when you asked for seven seas
I told you one is all I’ve got.
A long lasting disappointment
Begging to be set free
But my cries fell into my stomach
When my soul died at sea.

I love the way you speak to me when the night comes to an end
But I hate it when you treat me like just another friend
I love that when you listen, our stares are so surreal  
But I hate that when I’m around you I can’t control what I feel
I love it when you’re kind, and your cheeks are left flushed
But I hate that you leave me hanging, cold and untouched
I love it when you love me, and just when I start to believe it’s true
You say that love is the absolute last thing you’d like close to you
I hate that I can’t understand this, and I hate when you leave me alone, I hate that I simply can’t function without you, i just want to hear your voice over the phone
I hate that there’s not escape, and there’s nothing I can do, but most of all I hate that I want you to love me back, which is something I know you can’t ever do.

When you smell the scent of the perfume that I always used to wear, or remember the way your fingers used to feel running through my hair
The ways our eyes would linger, and long to watch and stare
I hope you’ll remember me

The days we spent wishing that time would forget to fly
Or the ones we spent watching pink clouds stumble by
I hope that our memories are soon to be written in the sky
I hope you remember be

For when our lives fall back into place
And my heart recognizes the sight of your face
I hope our hearts will end their chase
And you’ll remember me.

My anxiety is taking over
Holding the wheel on it’s own
Steering my brain into places
I’d rather leave unknown

It’s rips the words right from your lips
Twists them in ways I’ve never seen
Turns “I miss you,” to, “I hate you.”
Though I know that’s not what you mean

It paints blue over my eyes
Forcing me to see the worst to come
But crying blue for you gets boring
So I decided to just stay numb

Maybe you really care about me
But I guess I’ll never truly know
Because my anxiety is taking over
And never letting go

I once desired for your love,
But your love was never mine.
It was her’s, so I watched you two fall in love from behind.

I now desire for your love,
But is your heart still in her hands?
Or is it tucked away just for me
Like treasure hidden under sand?

Will I still desire for your love
In the next year or so?
Because although I’ve waited far too long
I can’t imagine letting you go.

So if I’ve stopped wishing by January
Please know that I’m fine
because I finally gave up on wishing
And took your love as mine

sometimes you’re gonna meet people who change your life
who shine like your sun, glow like your moon, and twinkle all of your stars
but, you mustn’t fall
because someone else is their sun, their glowing moon, and stars.
and you can’t take away someone’s world, because that love comes once in a lifetime.
i just wish you could see you’re my once in a lifetime.

Dear my love,
I have yet to find you. The past years of waiting have been exhausting I’ll admit, but still i wait hopeful. I’ve forgotten what it feels like to run barefoot in the summer rain. As well as what it feels like to gasp for air mid laughter. I can barely remember the feeling of your salty summer hair, and the sand in between my toes. The sound of quiet whispers on a phone call that’s been going on for hours. I’ve forgotten the warmth of you’re touch. You melt me like candle wax my love. I miss your striking eyes, and your gorgeous smile. And mostly I miss this feeling of comfort. Like I could just fall into your arms, into your love, and it will all be okay. I miss the way you’d whisper to me I love you, and how you’d kiss my forehead in between smiles. I miss the way you remembered the name of every constellation I’d tell you about, and would giggle when I told you about another. I miss you and your everything my love, but most of all I miss this feeling you gave me. This feeling that I’ve never, ever, ever known.
And the only word that I could possibly describe it with,
is whole.
Until we meet again.
Sincerely,
The girl you’ve never met

on a day where i should’ve lost hope
where i should’ve given up and moved on
i fell in love with you all over again
and i hate that fact that deep down i know
this love will forever stay unrequited.

cut me loose
let my feet walk again
no longer drag me by the thread you’ve weaved in between my heartstrings

cut me loose
let me roam without your phantom-like presence
let me feel what it’s like to fall in love with out wanting to look back at you

cut me loose
let me understand that unrequited love isn’t the only option
there’re so many things waiting for me up ahead, but you’re just dragging me backwards

cut me loose
I’ve overdosed on temptation and now i feel numb
i have no desire to fall in love with you anymore
so please cut your thread
cut me loose

there’s a place where the broken hearts go
it’s lost in grey eyes and smoggy skies
there’s a place where the broken hearts go
and there i long to be
there’s a place where the broken hearts go
in weary sighs and midnight cries
there’s a place where the broken hearts go
there i will be free
there’s a place where the broken hearts go
in the back of our minds losing track of time
there’s a place where the broken hearts go
that’s where i will see
the place where the broken hearts go
is away from you and all that you do
the place where the broken hearts go
is a safe place for me

it’s another one of those nights
eyes are weary from screens and forced tears
mind is filled with overwhelming overcrowded thoughts
the pocket watch clipped onto my heart refuses to tick
and i’m stuck feeling numb

Is silence so much to ask for?
If you don stop I will slam your lips shut
Because these same old lines of mockery
Are making me want to thow up.
If you don leave me alone, I am warning you
beware of the things to come
because I wont hesitate
to chew your face and spit it out like cherry chewing gum.
If you dont leave I am telling you
I will **** you, I promise, I swear
because I am sick and tired of being your joke
So if you dont shut up, I am warning you
beware.

last summer i fell in love
with someone i no longer recognize
you’ve changed so greatly since august
there’s even change in your hazel eyes
we were just too different to be together
the same as moon and sun
because although people wanted us to be two
i was just happier as one
i can hear your hurt in ever insult you speak
i can feel your hate burning through my skin
you can yell, and blame me, hurt, or shame me,
but in the end it’s your own problem within
you can claim that you don’t miss me all you want
and frankly i’m just waiting until you choke on your lies
because words can shout and scream about
but the truth is spoken softly in your hazel eyes.
but i’ve moved on, and it’s time you should too;
grow up.

I see your reflection on a rain speckled window pane
I hear your voice in vinyl records calling out my name
You muse my soul so colorfully with every painting I brush
But when I caress the texture of oil on canvas that's when I feel your touch.
I see your amber eyes melting, like sap on a maple tree
When they stare deeply into mine, a salted, stormy sea
When a flickering flame burns down a wick I swear I see your face
and when i'm kissed by my garden's petunias I feel your smooth embrace
I feel your soul in the coursing creek, on the cooled slabs of stone
And in the ice cold water running through that I've always longed to know
Although I know your skin, there's farther I will go
because when I stare into your amber eyes there's more that I don't know

and there you went again
curly black hair bouncing bountifully
as you walked out of my life once again

i think you like your tea sweet
a spoonful of milk and a douse of honey
stirred with a silver spoon
it scrapes the porcelain gently as you brew your sweet potion
your tea wouldn’t be scorching nor chilly, but like the warm summer rain that falls upon those who wait
the cup would radiate a warm touch
like the kiss i’ve imagined rests on your lips
it’s the type of tea you drink on an early November afternoon
when you set the galoshes down and put on warm woolen socks, and hop into a cedar scented sweater
i’m not usually a fan of tea
but your’s might change my mind
i think you like your tea sweet

from day one he held her fragile hand
tugged her along the cliff's edge
watched her through even the longest of days
or peered throughout the green garden's hedge
he tugged a bit harder the older she got
until her skin drooped like elastic torn apart
fed her alcohol like a bottle to a baby
popped her pills till it paused her heart
As he'd comb his hands though her soft brown hair
streaks of gray followed the strands he once brushed
he'd press his black lips on her sun spotted cheeks
and place a rotten finger over her mouth whispering, "hush"
he tugged her night gown once more in the rocking chair
as wind from the open window brushed by with a chill
he held the jagged dagger up to her neck
although his intention was not to ****
as he sliced her open, the scythe hit the ground
her eyes of glass finally stood still
he brushed her hair behind her ear and whisperd
"i promise, my intention was not to ****."
They walked away from the old rocking chair
hand in hand like it was from the start
because although life gives you your pulse
the reaper steals your beating heart

As I pulled back the layers of mulberry
I watched the world around me slowly disappear.
I fell into a thin sheen that disolved as I reached out my hands
It was silent
Somehow eerily peaceful
Magically mysterious, intimidatingly intruiging
As I walk upon its Arabian sands I see a figure
dressed in silk and gold
the coins around her waist; rattling, scattling, chattering, scattering
she walks up to me with a swing in her rhythmic step
Her glimmering hands brush back the hair covering my face
as she brushes it behind my ear she smiles
she pulls the thick blanket of midnight over my weary eyes
And I fall out of it once again

it seems if as i though i have fallen
into something way over my head
you’ve already claimed that you love me
but i think it’s something better not said

Have you ever felt torn apart
your fingers losing grip like ripping seams
trying to hold on to the old and the new
while lost in a winding road of dreams
Have you ever felt lonesome in chaos
though the sound beats your ears 'til they ring
it's as if your head is underwater
because you can't seem to hear a thing
Have you ever wanted something so badly
that the sight of it just makes your knees weak
so you choose to steer clear to protect your own heart
because it could all fall apart with a peek
Have you ever been madly in love
but you just can't seem to fall
because you're tied back with the ropes of guilt from the past
and you can't afford to, once again, lose it all
Have you ever tried to cradle my heart
you must be gentle because it's barley in one piece
held together with glitter glue and forgotten excuses
yet somehow it's warmth never seems to cease
because I promise you the day when you hold it
you'll forget about the sadness that has continued to whizz
because the broken heart that continues to beat
that's what love really is.

He loves me, he loves me not
throw flower petals up in the breeze
he loves me, he loves me not
sweet honey trills off your lips with ease
He loves me, he loves me not
even though you say it's true
he loves me, he loves me not
You make it hard to believe you
He loves me, he loves me not
my bruised skin is healed in the places you kissed
He loves me, he loves me not
but you soon strike the skin your fist once missed
He loves me, he loves me not
the soft, delicate hands that used to hold mine
he loves me, he loves me not
now beat instead of intertwine
He loves me, he loves me not
wrinkled petals flutter across the sky
he loves me, he loves me not
as you’re pleading i begin to cry
He loves me, he loves me not
And i was really hoping you’d known
that no matter how much you make up for what was lost
a plucked flower will never grow
he loves me; not.

How far up does the sky go;
how tall must i be to brush the stars?
How high must i jump to hug clouds;
to serenade and blow kisses to mars?
How far out does the earth stretch?
Could my hands reach the Golden Gate Bridge?
Do i share the same sunsets with people miles away;
could i hop scotch across the Rocky Mountain’s Ridge?
How wide does the horizon spread?
Could i hold it in the palm of my hand,
or with a single step meet it face to face
and rest peacefully in it’s far away lands?
How much love fills up the world,
is it overwhelming with fluttering butterflies?
Is every prayed wish is another perfect stitch
in our navy blue, quilted sky?
This large world's roads are winding.
Yet, in my eyes, it's niether extensive nor tall.
With your heart in the palm of my hands
This sweeping world really isn't that large at all.

When I could paint with the tips of my fingers
I brought life to the sensation constructed in my dreams
A finger-painting framed by, yours truly
But sadly, soon ripped apart at the seams.
The next week I decided to get down to buisness, once again
I had a clean canvas and a clear mind
Although my eyes enjoyed his vibrant color
He wasn't what my heart desired to find.
Tired and lonesome, I tried to come up with something more
Nights spent stressing on if this creation was wrong or right
Hoping the day would come, when I'd finally accept that he's good enough
but instead he blew out my last flame of light.
I scrubbed my hands with vigor
Swore I'd never paint again
Burned all the unused canvases to ash
I haven't been inspired since then.
But one day when I last expected it
Splashes of blue and green caught my eye
A creation I didn't recognize
But couldn't let leave and pass bye
At first I was unsure
Because I couldn't trust a creation not of my own
But I'm glad I leaped into spontaneity
Because If not I'd be missing the love I've never known
Although I've been loved before
And it's living torture to let my heart roam free
Instead of me creating the love I wanted
The love I needed seemed to find me.

There was a time when i believed in falling
for falling is the first step to trust
and trust, i have lacked for the last few years
because sheded tears caused my steel heart to rust
for a while i was convinced there was a spark
hidden under heaps of high expectations and hope
past the overthinking, right next to quaint smiles and glances, and hidden under the wish that we’d finally elope
but love isn’t built with empty promises
nor is it molded with the lovley, “if only”
because when you fall in love with the idea of someone
falling turns to broken, the broken can’t mend, and your back to being desperate and lonely
i wish being loved wasn’t so difficult
but if it was easier no one would dare to fall
because we’d rather be shattered from falling with faith
than stay safe with nothing at all

When our eyes meet the ashes turn to embers and flutter like golden butterflies.
They rise and swirl tickle the sides of my tummy.
It is a heavenly feeling
I would not give it up for the world, but I am scared that I will.
Because yellow only lasts for so long.

I can't seem to figure out if it is love itself that I fear, or if it is the possibility of never being loved back that scares me.
There are billions and billions of people on this Earth, and yet I haven't felt a single spark with anyone of the two thousand people that surround me.
Not one.
I've come very, very, very close, but the match was just too far from the wick.
The irony of it all is that I don't even know if I long for love anymore.
I've craved it and held onto it for so long, but after a while the taste was familiar, bland, and sometimes even a little bitter.
People don't fall in love anymore.
Some may kiss a smitten crush, others may hold "their one" so tightly, and some jump in the sheets with a new endeavor everynight.
But this isn't love.
Love isn't possible nor does it exist.
It was simply glorified with the glitter pens of old english literature, and fed to our souls to give us a reason to stay.
But it doesn't exist,
So why keep lying to ourselves?
As much as I'd like to blame it on what he said, or what he did I cant.
Because he did not make love extinct, dissolve, and blow away in ashes from the palm of my hand.
I did.
I burned it all because of a broken heart, and now look where it is.
gone.
And I can't get it back,
so I'll just have to live
without love.

Am I really that much of a problem
am I tone deaf to the vain that I speak?
Do I really never listen, constantly interupt, and drenched so deep in selfishness that I wreak?
Am I really that much of an issue
no one is fighting when I am around.
Thats why this teepee of a bedroom is home
Because if I step out  don't know how to stop the sound.
Am I really that horrible to close to
no one rushes up to see me like sea does to sand.
And the worst part of it all is falling in love
because I could freeze and shatter their hearts with ust the single touch of my hand.
I wish being me didn't **** so much
and maybe I'm just better off dead.
Because no matter how oblivious I am to my bloodthirsty language
I'll still play the victim in my head.

The trees have shed the snow that sleeps on their branches,
and the rivers are starting to crack.
The wings of the geese are once again heard in the distance,
and icicles are creating puddles on my front porch.
I'm packing up my winter gear and saving my galoshes for next
December.
The Sun is once again peeking behind locks of cirus clouds.
Sofly kissing my cheeks and nose.
My back is warm, my toes are wet, and I finally remeber the smell of, "green."
As the Sun soons sets, the smell of a campfire cozies my lungs.
And I think I forgot how bright stars could shine, until now.
Polaroids snip snap click and clack as I gather and scrunch up with two friends to get the perfect scrapbook shot.
Burnt smores and belly laughes fill the air until we all pass out- and do it all again.
hope.

i’m having a hard time understanding
because it shouldn’t feel this way anymore
but how do you let go of poison
when you can remember how water tasted before
when you can’t trace back the days when roses smelled oh so sweet
when you can’t trust enough to even let the soft grass kiss your feet
when it’s too risky to take off the blind fold that once hid you from the light
because you’ve just learned to love the abusive night
when you’re too numb to move a muscle
or too tired to even care
so you hold on and let them strip you down
because when you’ve ignored it for so long you tend to forget it’s even there
even though it beats me badly
i simply don’t know how to let go
because when you replace your water with poison
your roses will refuse to grow

where is the place where they won’t fight
where is the place where i can find sleep at night
where aching and hurting blow in the breeze
and the only noise present is the soft blowing of the trees
where what he says and she says and he said is dead
where i’ll finally have room for a thought in my head
i’ll set inbetween boxes of boxes in this unwanted place
because bad memories tend to take up a lot of space
i long for this place to rest infront of my eyes
but i know if i believed that i’d almost be as stupid as the lies
because as nice as it would be to rest in the dream i consider home
i might be happy, but they’d still be alone
the irony of it all, is either way it won’t mend
because when you hope for two to fall back in love it’s bound to end.

Do you miss the warm rain like i do?
The way it would caress our skin; it’s touch was light as a feather. Almost unnoticed, but too nurturing to be forgotten.
And when warm rain fell, the sun always followed.
We’d bathe in tender golden light.
And she would wrap us snug in her rays, only to let us nap on her sister’s green quilts of velvet.
In this moment nothing mattered.
There was you
There was me
And there was the warm rain.
Nothing mattered except for us.
We didn’t have to argue or yell, and no tears were shed.
Just you me and the warm rain.
It would dance across our sunburned cheeks and shoulders, mingle with our freckles, and get lost in between our intertwined fingertips.
Although my eyes were closed i knew you were smiling. Smiling the smile that i’ve longed to see since September.
I didn’t want this moment to end i just wanted to stay
stay
stay
here
with you
forever.
Mom yelling for dinner woke me up.
There were white tiles under my head and a shower head infront of my face.
i stood up, wiped the running water from my eyes, and turned the **** to the shower off.
pearls of water formed and chilled as i hopped out while looking for a towel frantically.
I paused the outdated song playing from my phone, that i once resonated with you.
I look through the fog on my bathroom mirror
and i see me.
without you
but i see love.
love inside of me, past my now fair and satin skin
beyond my fading freckles and rosy cheeks
there is love.
and maybe one day when the grass is green again, and the falling rain is warm
i’ll find love there too.
In the warm rain.

My father once told me to always except the best and worst possible outcome.
And for the longest time i was completely baffled.
"How could I be okay with the worst possible outcome?"
"It's impossible to be okay with the worst possible outcome."
But what I think I was really trying to say was," It's impossible to be okay."
And I remeber the day loud and clear.
I was shaking and in utter destraught.
I wanted it all to end, and I too thought it was the end.
But despite the chaos
for a slim slip of a second, I was okay.
Not only with the "Worst possible outcome."
But I was genuinely okay.
Because that was the day I realized, that no matter what,
through the worst and best "possible outcomes"
I had Grace.
I had me.

Because people change
and times do too
though it may be hard for you to understand
I'm ending the era of you

there was a time when we were in love.
there were weeks when you and i would talk until dawn would break from the mountains.
when i would fall asleep knowing i was loved, and would wake up happy and ready to be loved again.
there were days that i would count down until the day i could see you again, those days were the worst.
but the best days were the ones when i could see that face of yours. the face i loved more than you could ever know.
there were hours spent laughing our ***** off under a clear sky and a city of stars.
those hours felt like lifetimes, until they left like seconds.
because soon it curdled;
weeks were spents worrying, days were spent crying, and hours were spent looking at an empty inbox.
but i do promise you there was a time when i loved you. and even if it was only for a split second, a time when you loved me too.
because somewhere, there was love intertwined in the knot of “us.”
it ended and i’m okay, because it was for the best. but i someday, somewhere, in some lifetime, our “us” lasted until the end of time.
and there’s a part of me that wishes more than anything, that that lifetime was this one.

rattle my bones like a xylophone  
pluck on my heart strings like a lyre
play your favorite tunes
until you set my soul on fire
play the digits on my spine like a grand piano
hold me warm and tight
place your lips on mine as if they were a trumpet
play my music all throughout the night
i’ll let you do as you please
but please don’t pluck too hard or too soon
because a broken heart makes broken music
and no one will love a heart thats out of tune

it ended
it’s over now
but what surprised me most of all is that i’m not even sad.
i’m happy it happened and i don’t regret a second of it.
i’ll miss what could’ve been, but i won’t miss what was.
it ended
but it’s only just begun.

there’s a place out there that’s mine. a little cabin in Highlands, North Carolina that is sitting on a street corner. roses waiting to greet me by the front door, and maple trees standing with open arms.
there’s a love that’s looking for me. counting the same stars and wishing on the same sunsets. praying the same prayers and crying the same tears. I know you’re out there, and I dream of the day that i’ll find you.
there’s a life that i’m destined to live. and it’s filled with peppermint hot cocoa, rainy sundays spent reading by the fireplace, children running down the stairs for their favorite lunch- pb&j, morning bike rides to the art museum, and days filled with enough spontaneity to last a lifetime.
i don’t know how or when, but i know that sometime, somehow, someday happiness will find me, the sun will peak through again, and i will be where i’m meant to be.

when i showed you my hands and all they could create
you treated them like magic.
you held on to them and swore to never let go.
and as honest as you are, you kept your promise and never let them go.
you took them with you.

The moment I looked into your eyes,
I knew you wouldn't stay for long
I knew that there'd be love and lies
But I'd lock onto your arms until you're gone
I knew this love would hurt
But I did not know it would be this hard
Because I'm not ready for you to go
I'm not ready to stich up new scars
I'm not ready for the leaves to leave the trees
I'm not ready for the wind to be cold
I'm not ready to say goodbye
Because this love was meant to be gold.
But you can't decide when the wind changes
And now withered love will blow away
I guess I should've listened to Robert Frost
when he whispered to me,
"Nothing gold can stay."

I do not have her brown hair, and I do not have her genuine smile
But I have hair tinted as gold grain, and and a grin I've worked on for a while.
I do not have her slimmed out waist, or her beautiful skin
But I have a tummy that folds over on occasion, and a beautiful soul within.
I do not have her elegant laugh, or her power to light up a room
But I have a peculiar love for flowers, and like them I need some time to bloom.
You adore her and laugh with her, but when I come over to talk to you you walk away. And I can't help but to wonder, what would've happened if you stayed?
Now I can't promise you beauty and grace, nor can I promise me to open up.
I can't promise that I'll trust you right away, or that I'm ready to fall in love.
But I can asure you one thing, something I am just dying for you to see.
That the day she breaks you into a million pieces,
you'll wish you picked me.

How does one call out love, when one knows nothing but sorrow with the word love painted on it?