Songs that he played
That you use to hate
Now are your favorites
Because he is gone

New city.
New people.
New places.
New faces.
New adventure.
New me.
I knew new was what I needed.
But the stomach dropping
head spinning
anxiety ridden
fear of crying
mind jumbled
even though
I knew better
made me hesitant of new.

Newspapers and headlines,
all the new is mine
to write my own stories
trials
tribulations
fears
hopes
dreams.
Who knew new
would be so hard
and so easy
all at once?

The train flies
at a seemingly never endless speed,
as my mind races simultaneously
                 along the tracks,
           bobbing and weaving,
                       churning along
as I attempt to discover
which stop I will take,
which place I will make
the home of newfound self identity,
unraveled mysteries.

Let actions form from emotions
Let emotions form from actions
Let actions speak louder then words
Let words be your only weapon
Let words never seem enough
Let not enough become too much
Let too much settle with no home
Until one day when
we Let emotions form not only from actions
But from words
we Let words express our actions
And actions take their places
we Let emotion form those actions
And create all the words
we Let ourselves stand up
As words alone never could

if it wasn't for seeing couples walk hand in hand in love
I would never have believed
God walks hand in hand in love with me

Progression is but simply habit,
When you see a chance just simply grab it,
Thinking well turns to acting well,
On positive things i think you should dwell,
Do good when you don't feel like it,
To control your mind doesn't take a psychic,
Theres a super power in spreading love,
Its transcendent like the evolving dove,
Hold strong and keep hope,
In a unforgiving ocean you're an unsinkable boat.

is it always going to be like this?

am i always going to feel so invisible? so unnoticeable?
it always comes back to you, doesn't it?
i wish it didn't, but it does.

your eyes, your smile, your laugh;
they're not meant for me, and they never were.
they're meant for her.

i spend so much time
trying to talk myself out of these feelings,
but  they  just  won't  go  away.

though when i really sit down and think about it,
about you  and  i together,
it frightens me, and i feel silly for imagining such things in the first place.

we wouldn't work,
i know we wouldn't.
but i still get this feeling sometimes...

this feeling that we would be great together,
better than you and her--but i know that's foolish.
and it's a thought i shouldn't even entertain.

and so i ask: is it always going to be like this?

I knew that only telling myself you never existed
would be as difficult as telling a drunk that he'd never tasted alcohol.
But you, my poisonous drug,
I've been sober of you for 388 days now
and if I let myself slip up,
if your name rolls off a tongue near by and I allow myself to react,
to absorb that name,
to taste that name,
to feel, to hold, to know that name,
I start counting my days all over again.

So now I'm just 1 day sober...
and I don't know anybody by that name.