I have never fallen in love,
at least that's what I allow myself to believe.
I haven't gone mad for anyone or
done the crazy things that I should do if I were in love.

I've never had someone say they loved me.
I've never been fancied by someone I fancied.
I've thought, "He must like me"
I've been happy for weeks knowing he likes me...
I've fallen from the sky knowing how wrong I was.

I've thought he made me believe he loved me.
I'd like to believe he was playing with me,
or even playing me,
But not even that.

How could I have loved anyone then,
when there was no one to love?
No one I should have fallen for.

But why then do they say that I must
have fallen in love at some point of this life of mine?
After not allowing myself to believe I had,
I confronted myself.

Why do I see his face in the children
who merely lift their eyebrows?
Why do I always see that smile of his,
even when we never met up again?
Why do I feel pained and at the same time happy
that he is happy, with someone else?

And then I come to the realization
that I could have loved,
a long time ago
when he sat next to me.
And maybe even I did love.

For he didn't need to do
anything to receive this emotion.
His being was all he needed
for my inexperienced heart to turn towards him,
and not be his... but definitely turn towards him.

And with his ignorance,
or maybe not-so-ignorant self
He scarred my heart with his indifference.
Yet not a scar of hate or heartbreak--
but one of remembrance that won't leave.

So did I ever love?

I really don't know.

That's what I want, darling
To be recognized,
Selfish as it may sound.

I dreamed that things were not as they seem
That knives shone and glass did indeed gleam

I dreamed of a world of fairy tales,
Of magic, sparkle, and singing whales

I dreamed you were standing by the shore, so was I,
So were peach castles and the sound of a lullaby

I dreamed that you turned to me to say...
whisper in my ear, love on your fa--*

A sound jolts me awake, you hold a blade to my throat
And you have on your favorite mask and that coat

There is no one to hear my screams.
Next time I won't dream.
Things are not at all as they seem.

I was wrong,
about you.
I'm sorry.
I thought you
were someone else.

and yet I should
have seen it coming.
The way you
put your arm
around me
but kept that smirk
on your lips.

Your laugh that
could have been so
easily misinterpreted,
was intended to do
just that.

Your words and games
had made me alive.
Your words and games
now make part of me
feel broken.

Why did you bother?
Tell me that.
Tell me what
your motives were.
I'm curious.

But still,
don't worry, dear,
all these are just words.
I'll get over you.
It's just that for now
all I can think about
is the fact that
I was wrong:
you didn't care.

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