Ano pa ba ang aking masasabi, kung hindi ka makikinig?
What is art if not raw emotion, blood on canvas?
I'm not sorry for the words I write or the thoughts I think.
Stick rods in my brain and
Shock me awake;
To get my attention
I fear that's what it would take.
A place that reminds me
of the softer memories buried deep,
deep inside my head.
Those indistinct blurs of pine
and nothingness once again
gain meaning as memories from
a thousand miles away,
from another land,
come rushing home.
*What the time fades,
the cold brings back.
Sabi mo sa akin, huwag kong sabihin na...
pati puso ko,
mo lang ako,
Ang sagot ko sayo...
I'm not confrontational.
I can't deal with things in my life like I should.
I would like to say
I am not avoiding you...
Just like the day I turned the corner,
And came face to face
With the majesty suspended from the sky;
The huge white paint brush strokes
Gleaming brighter than their metallic counterparts,
Just like how everyday these soft lines
Grow prettier as the sun shifts;
With their colors providing what land cannot give,
The serenity of an uncleaned palette
In the never ending sky,
This is how you take my breath away.
I don't know how we got into this...
'cuz you and I are nothing alike.
And down the road my answer will be no.
So let's stop this
to save ourselves from
Get me out of this hole,
That I so willing dug for myself
And make deeper everyday.
Because I'm scared of being engulfed in flames
And that you'll leave me burning
While I watch you
Blow out your matches,
And not do the same*
To someone else
We don't belong to this world, something better awaits us.
I won't let you sing me a song
Especially not that song.
Don't misinterpret me, my love,
Your voice isn't the problem,
It's just that I can be a pessimist you see,
And I fear that when what we have is over
and you have broken my heart,
You will have ruined my favorite song too.
That's what I want, darling
To be recognized,
Selfish as it may sound.
Ngunit hindi ko maalis sa aking isip
ang katotohanan na ika'y umiiyak ng obra maestra,
At ako'y napupuwing lamang.
Ngunit paulit-ulit na pinapaalala sa akin ng utak ko
na ikaw ang malayang kalawakan,
At ako'y karagatan na may hangganan.
Ngunit tayo'y magkaiba ng mundo.
Tanawin mo ang mga planeta ng imahinasyon mo,
At akin naman ang bulalakaw dito sa lupa.
Natatakot ang aking puso na walang paraan
para magsama ang Hilaga't Timog.
I have never fallen in love,
at least that's what I allow myself to believe.
I haven't gone mad for anyone or
done the crazy things that I should do if I were in love.
I've never had someone say they loved me.
I've never been fancied by someone I fancied.
I've thought, "He must like me"
I've been happy for weeks knowing he likes me...
I've fallen from the sky knowing how wrong I was.
I've thought he made me believe he loved me.
I'd like to believe he was playing with me,
or even playing me,
But not even that.
How could I have loved anyone then,
when there was no one to love?
No one I should have fallen for.
But why then do they say that I must
have fallen in love at some point of this life of mine?
After not allowing myself to believe I had,
I confronted myself.
Why do I see his face in the children
who merely lift their eyebrows?
Why do I always see that smile of his,
even when we never met up again?
Why do I feel pained and at the same time happy
that he is happy, with someone else?
And then I come to the realization
that I could have loved,
a long time ago
when he sat next to me.
And maybe even I did love.
For he didn't need to do
anything to receive this emotion.
His being was all he needed
for my inexperienced heart to turn towards him,
and not be his... but definitely turn towards him.
And with his ignorance,
or maybe not-so-ignorant self
He scarred my heart with his indifference.
Yet not a scar of hate or heartbreak--
but one of remembrance that won't leave.
So did I ever love?
I really don't know.
Something I wrote in high school about a boy who remains dear to me.
that take the life out of us,
that make us feel worthless,
that remind us we are imperfect,
that show people what's underneath.
the moments that let people in,
that force us to be humble,
that make us exercise trust,
that show we are vulnerable,
that give us more questions that answers;
here's to the moments that just seem to take without giving
that make us put everything on hold,
that let us take risks,
that make us rethink,
that let us be bold.
here's to the moments that make us feel alive.
Been having a lot of these moments.
I will leave this all
Behind for You, if I must.
For Your will, not mine.
'Cause I can't decide
If You placed me here, or if
it was if fact, I.
Praying and waiting.
I was wrong,
I thought you
were someone else.
and yet I should
have seen it coming.
The way you
put your arm
but kept that smirk
on your lips.
Your laugh that
could have been so
was intended to do
Your words and games
had made me alive.
Your words and games
now make part of me
Why did you bother?
Tell me that.
Tell me what
your motives were.
don't worry, dear,
all these are just words.
I'll get over you.
It's just that for now
all I can think about
is the fact that
I was wrong:
you didn't care.
Does me writing now
mean that I've once again gone and
purposely fallen into a new hole?
The feeling returns
in the pit of my everything
that I am suffocating, intentionally,
and frustrated for doing so.
Confusion, flusters, guilt, you.
how do you do it?
How do you let yourself
look someone in the eye,
and know with confidence
that your feelings cannot
bother you any longer?
How do you become
numb as you so often tell me you are?
Do you feed me your sweet words and
Or have you really, in fact, found the key
Naiinis ako sa mga hipokrito
Na ginagawa sa iba
Ang ayaw nilang gawin sa kanila.
Naiinis ako sa mga makasarili
Na kaya kong unawain
Ngunit hind magbibigay ng oras na intindihin ako.
Naiinis ako sa kanya
Dahil nalilito ako.
Naiinis ako sa kanya
Dahil nililito ako.
Naiinis ako sayo
Kasi ayaw mo akong tigilan.
Naiinis ako sa sarili ko
Dahil ang mundo ay bilog nga
At alam kong lahat ng kinaiinisan ko
Sa akin din nagsisimula.
midnight lights, subdued
rainy nights last forever,
weary eyes consumed.
Nakakapagod makitang lagi kang may kasamang iba.
Nakakapagod pakinggan ang mga kwento mo tungkol sa kanya.
Nakakapagod isipin ang history ng love life mo.
Nakakapagod tanggapin na, sa ngayon, hindi ako ang para sa iyo.
Pero salamat sa tiwala.
Salamat sa tawanan.
Salamat sa mga panahong natutuwa kang makita ako.
Salamat sa pake mo sakin.
Na kahit pa ulit-ulit na nagagasgas ng mga salita at gawa mo ang puso ko,
Binigyan mo ako ng panahong makilala ka. At malaman ang mga saloobin mo.
At oportunidad na mahalin ka kahit masakit.
Ang tunay nga na pag-ibig ay walang hinihinging kapalit.
Kaya huwag kang mag-alala,
Anumang gawin mo,
Hindi ako lalayo.
Dahil alam kong kailangan kita,
Pero deep down
Kailangan mo rin ako.
When you are anonymous.
Being named is hard.
You don't love me...
You just love the thought of loving me.
Ako ba'y sinusubukan nanaman?
Tumigil na ba ang dating tumitibok?
Hindi mo kasalanan, binibigay mo na lahat
Pero ako ang maiiwang wasak,
Nasusunog at manhid; kapag
Nagtapos ang kalokohang 'to
Am I being tested again?
Has what once beat now come to a stop?
It's not your fault, you give everything
But I'm the one who will be left broken,
Burning, and numb; when
This foolishness comes to an end
Why do I always gotta go and ruin something beautiful?
antanga ko lang po.
I left you hints.
You took them
And returned them.
We drew closer.
I left you words.
Which you memorized
And returned to.
We grew closer.
I left you images.
Which you won't forget
And what if's
We might have lived.
I left you songs.
From my heart
Yet I am sorry
We might need to part.
I left you clues.
I didn't mean for this,
For you to feel this way
And yet maybe I did.
Was it wrong?
I don't know.
But I know me
And that's good.
So I can't anymore
But I wish you well
But you don't let me go
Now I don't want to write this...
I left you.
just in case.
Let me show you colors.
Let me show you lights in the darkness of night.
I want you to see the vibrant reflections of water drops on glass,
The people whizzing by in blurs.
Lend me your ears.
I want you to hear the sounds of the streets.
The buzzes and beeps of a world far from sleep
Though the moon sits in simple silence.
Give me your hands.
I will guide you through the dark.
Past the brilliance of the the things you see,
And the resounding noise of the things you hear.
'Till you fear them no more.
inspired by my commutes home at night
Why do we want the things that we can't have?
Don't worry lovely girl,
Your special words are not to be apologized for.
Makikinig ba ako sa aking isip na dati pa namang magulo?
A line from one of my favorite songs.
Indak by Up Dharma Down
I merge clips.
I merge audio and video,
sound and pictures.
That's all I merge;
For fear of disrupting
this natural order
I have constructed.
But tonight I merged
two separate lives I owned
And to my surprise,
things turned out okay.
For once, it's nice not to feel torn.
We both conversed
about our common
dislike of showing
front of others.
I was moved
when I told you
holding back tears
And when I was done,
You cried for me.
My stupid phone doesn't work properly. It's old and it's slow and its battery dies a lot. The thing is, when I don't know what to do or who to talk to, and all I have to pull out is my phone, I can't play games or surf the net, because of my phone's inabilities. I need to look busy so instead I end up going back to all my message conversations. And then your name appears and I notice your group texts again and begin scrolling up and back into time and get to the point where my replies start and becomes more and more frequent. And then words start appearing that I had never said to anyone else before. And just like that I'm thrown back to that time, the butterflies and confusion. While everyone else around me is bored with Facebook. Joke's on them? No, joke's on me. My stupid phone's inabilities have a way of playing with me you see, so that boredom turns into reliving our memories. And then I don't feel like being around people with their phones out anymore.
Forgive me, my love
My numb heart beats too fast
It twisted your words into lies
It turned your intentions to motives
My foolish heart makes me doubt
And you have gotten closer
Mend it, if you please
But make it quick
My deceitful heart will fool me
Its lies will be truths
And may never be honest again
But then neither will you
So please hurry,
Save my heart from freezing
For you're turning antagonist
just in case
envy tears Because
they glide gently down
cheeks, And aren't falling
onto concrete? Do raindrops
envy tears As they come from
pure emotion And aren't
equivalent to vapor?
Which have no say
in their falling And don't
have to feel ashamed? Do
tears envy raindrops Because
they need not feel pain, Or
fear or heartbreak?
Gusto mo ba akong samahan?
Alam kong nasasaktan ka,
oras na para lumisan.
***** tayo sa kalawakan.
What is this love
That envelops me in my entirety?
The love of a perfect Savior
for a broken lamb.
*This love I so often dismiss.
This love that is not earned, but simply received.
This love that endures.
This love that forgives.
This love that persists.
Had a solid plan
You came out of nowhere; and
I'm back to square one.
those things we...
we think about?
we think about
those things we
revisiting the music
that releases you;
and having it
make you remember
that in spite of everything,
you are loved.
Sinabi ko na nga ba
May hindi ako alam
Malinaw na ngayon
Salamat sa paalam
Sinabi ko na nga ba
Ngayo'y intindi na
'Wag kang mag-alala
Sanay na rin naman akong umasa
huwag mo nang problemahin
Do not define my silence
As something of no use.
For a lamp sheds only lights;
The sun gives only life.
Do not mistake my silence
As a lack of things to say
For I'll only utter value,
Only think it over in my brain.
Do not confuse my silence
With something of no worth.
For my silence is golden
Yet capable of hurt.
Do not mistake my silence
For an I do not love you
For it means just quite the opposite
No words could relay this to you.
I like rollercoasters.
I like going so fast that I don't have time to worry or think, just trust.
You and me
Sitting in the night
Stars speeding by
Never fading lights
Words spewing out
Speaking with eyes
Minds running wild
Silence on the rise
Time is all the same
No fear of running out
When I'm with you
The clock comes to a halt
Never been a dull thing,
But you stared at the stars more than me.
So I'll sit here and watch them for you.
And maybe learn a thing or two,
From the beings who need not do anything to be noticed,
Now that things have calmed down,
I think of you less.
I fear the feelings
and words and poems
and feelings and emotions
were brought on by the rush of moments,
Nothing more than sweet escapes with consequences,
stress-relievers that came with their own stresses.
I dreamed that things were not as they seem
That knives shone and glass did indeed gleam
I dreamed of a world of fairy tales,
Of magic, sparkle, and singing whales
I dreamed you were standing by the shore, so was I,
So were peach castles and the sound of a lullaby
I dreamed that you turned to me to say...
whisper in my ear, love on your fa--*
A sound jolts me awake, you hold a blade to my throat
And you have on your favorite mask and that coat
There is no one to hear my screams.
Next time I won't dream.
Things are not at all as they seem.
Wishing someone was different.
I want to make my own money.
I want my own job.
I want my own place.
I want my own friends.
I want to be independent.
I want to meet someone special.
I want to get heartbroken.
I want to be lost.
I want to be found.
I want to learn the value of things.
I want to experience on my own.
I want to feel comfortable being sad.
I want to know God.
I want to feel free.
I want to feel happy.
I want to be loved.
I want to feel ready to return Home.