It was January when I met you
February when we kissed
March was the time it was all full of bliss
April we went to the beach together
May i took you home to meet my mother
June we walked in the park everyday
July we went and watched the parade play
August was our first serious fight
September you stopped coming over at night
October I asked if we were okay
November it was freezing everyday
December we went our separate ways
It is January and I met you again today
Pero hindi, hindi 'iyan ang dahilan kung bakit ayaw ko na. Ayaw ko na kase...
Gusto kong maging kaibigan ka pa
Ayaw kong dumaan lang sa buhay mo
At maging yugto nito
Hindi ko gustong maging tayo
Sana lang maging magkaibigan lang tayo
Yung matagal at walang hiwalayan
Ayaw kong mahulog sa'yo
Gusto ko lang parating nasa tabi mo
Ayaw kong mahulog sa'yo
Kasi ayaw kong maghanap pa uli ng tulad mo
Ayaw kong magsimula uli sa iba
Pero hinahanap ko sakanya ay ikaw parin pala
Ayaw kong mahulog sa isang kaibigan
Dahil lahat sila, wala nang kabigan
Wala nang balikan
Kaya ayaw ko
Gusto kong magkasama lang tayo
Walang kuryente, walang kabog ng dibdib
Hindi slow motion o fortune teller
Gusto ko magkasama lang tayo
Walang tayo pero may pagmamahal
Bilang kaibigan, parang magkapatid lang
Walang mas malalim pa
Walang lalalim pa
Kasi kapag gano'n, ayaw ko na
Iiwan na kita.
Ayaw ko na.
Humampas ang ulan sa aking braso
Sabay ng pagbalik ko sa panahong
Ika'y ambong kinatakutan
Kong maging bagyo
Sa pagpansin mo sa iba
Sa pagyakap mo sa kanila
Sa pagsalo mo sa mga luha nila
Sa pake mo sa iba **** kaibigan
Sa pag-ibig mo sa kanya
Sapagkat akong sinabi ****
Matalik na kaibigan
Lalapitan lang pag wala na sila
Di mayakap pag kailangan ka
Pinapanood mo lang sa pag-iyak
Naaalala lang pagkatapos ng lahat
At mamahalin na lang siguro
Pag ako na lang ang natira.
*I have written a dozen messages now
(probably more, no definitely more)
I word each one as carefully as I can,
telling you how much I miss you,
how lonely my days have been,
how I am doing ok (not really)
and I hope you are too,
only to get to the bottom, the final line,
and typing out, I...well you know,
then stare at the screen and
think about it for a few minutes
before hitting delete…
wishing each time I did
it was me that disappeared
Kung wala ka talagang ideya
Kung saan ako may pilay
Alalayan mo man lang ako, putangina.
Met when we knew no one
Got close when we knew nothing
Laughed when there was no one
I was falling, I had no idea
You ******* hurt me, you're not aware
I am crying, you ignore that
Scared of losing you, you don't feel that
Now I'll love you and you won't know/like that.
My heart fills around you, up and up and up.
Until the overflow, filling my entire anatomy.
Pouring out of eye sockets, rain down a window;
Clear yet clouded. My body heavy,
I sink in my own creation, oceans of doubt.
You, my anchor, grounding me. Drowning me.
You, my Sun, the light above the waves.
You make the water glow as I edge down.
No struggle. No breath. I float under it all.
My eyes wide shut, I see you floating with me.
Taking my hand and pouring breath into my lungs;
You sink. Arm outstretched but palm tight shut.
Now, I see the Sun falling into my darkest creation,
And using all the breath you gave me; I lift us back to shore.
Treading water in new stillness, we float.