As I look into this mirror, words begin rushing through my mind.
I think to myself;
How could anyone ever love her?
How could they look at that repulsive body and be attracted to it?
For she is not beautiful.
She has asymmetrical features,
A sagging face that reveals her sadness and exhaustion,
And scars hidden by meaningless bracelets and her old red sweater.
How could someone love her, having known how she treats herself?
How could they handle the baggage she carries everywhere on her shoulder?
Her nervous habits, her inability to handle stress and her tendency to cover up her problems that show through her face with makeup are only the beginning.
How could he have loved her?
How could he have been attracted to her boney hips and large legs?
Did he know how she treated her body?
Anyone could’ve seen it.
I can't understand how he loved her crooked smile,
Her loud obnoxious laugh.,
Her obsession with horses,
Or her large hands and feet.
Did he ever really love her?
Because she doesn’t love herself, so how could anyone else?

3am.
She’s woken up thinking of that wonderful delusion her mind had just created.
Where everything was back to normal,
Back to before you broke her.
You...broke her.
Tears begin streaming down her cheek,
And you’re the reason why.
The reason why she dreams the most wonderful dreams and gets up in the morning feeling like a brick was thrown at her face.
The reason why she takes so many photos to remember so many moments in hopes that maybe she’ll forget the ones spent with you.
You’re the reason why she can’t go into that one room or that one park without breaking down.
Why she’s so weak that nothing can help her anymore.
Because instead of building her up, you tore her down.
Down so low, where cigarettes and beer are happiness.
You should’ve been there for her.
You should’ve kept your promise of love and held her while she cried all those tears.
Because maybe then she wouldn’t have so many.

I locked you away, and forgot everything.
Or so I thought.
But truthfully, it’s impossible to forget you.
You contributed so much to who I am today.
You’re the reason I fell, but also the one who helped me get back up.
I can’t forget all the moments we shared,
And how I have never felt as happy as I was with you.
I miss you…
Us.
I’m not supposed to but I can’t help it.
Everyone tells me to forget,
But what if you’re someone to remember?
I wonder if you ever think of me.
If you ever run your fingers through her hair and imagine its mine.
If you listen to that band I love and remember me.
If you see my contact name and almost call me out of habit.
Because we did have something, something magnificent.
Something so unique that I fear I’ll never have again.
And is that really worth forgetting?
Why should I forget the pain you caused if it helped me grow?
Why should I forget you pushing me down if it made me learn how to get back up on my own?
I’m finished with letting go of my memories,
I am angry and as I sit here trembling,
All I want is to remember.
But no matter how hard I try, I can’t.
Because somewhere along the way after being told to countless times,
I forgot.

I haven’t thought of you in so long.
You disappeared from the words that escape the ink I splattered on my pages.
It felt like a millennium had passed when I finally moved on,
And when my thoughts were rid of you.
Yet it only took 2 seconds for my past with you to take hold of my mind again.
You were everything to me before.
One memory appeared in my mind,
Then another.
Then the sinking feeling in my stomach hit.
Finally, tears began streaming down my pale, corpse like cheeks.
It feels like my envisionment of you is so real,
And you’re so close that I can almost touch you.
The sensation of my heart being squeezed; drained of blood, is too much to handle.
For I thought i’d never repeat this process of withdrawal from love.
But yet again,
I have been deceived.
No matter how much time passes,
Even when I think I’ve moved on from you,
And when your face hasn’t appeared in my mind or your voice in my ears,
I still haven’t.
And that reality,
Will never change.

Loving you is synonymous with setting yourself on fire
It seems the only way to stop the fire is to drench yourself in tears
And as it burns; the passion spreads wildly, untameable
Racing amongst gasoline veins during restless nights

The fireworks have exploded in my head this time
Flamboyant paint splashes the blank canvas of my mind
I'm feeling dizzy from the taste of electric lips and metallic tongue
Skin touching; your fingers dance a brief ballet across my skin

Unrequited love can only blossom so long without water
But will my showers of affection cause our withered love to grow
Or become waterlogged while we drown?
I stamp out my words and bury them in the dirt with a harsh finality
They rest in peace but my mind won’t settle
There is a raging inferno eating at my heart
And I'm not sure I want to put it out.