I don't want smart.
I want spontaneous.

I don't want roses and a candle-lit dinner.
I want drunken nights by the campfire.

I don't want a boy that says 'I love you'
Because I don't believe in love
And, even if I did,
I'm not emotionally capable of feeling it.
I want a boy that's okay with that.

I don't want a boy that showers me with compliments
or a knight in shining armor.
I don't want mushy love letters or romantic get aways.
I don't want a boy who's looking for a wife
because I don't believe in marriage.
And I don't want a lover.
I want a partner in crime.

I want a boy with chaos flickering in his eyes.
I want a boy who smiles a lot.
I want contagious laughter.
I want loud.
I want steamy kisses where he presses my body into his and my skin tingles.

I don't want late night phone calls or 'Good morning' texts.
I want a boy that calls me out on my *******.
I want a boy that pushes my buttons.
I want a challenge.

I don't want a boy that makes me feel pretty.
I want a boy that makes me feel alive.

I want a boy that taps on my window in the middle of the night
And brings me on a starlit adventure.

I don't want a boy that makes love.
I want a boy that will **** me raw.
And I want a boy that will let me pass out on him afterwards.
And I want a boy that won't get offended if I move away in the middle of the night
Because cuddling hurts my neck and his heartbeat is keeping me awake.

I don't want a boy that holds hands.
I want a boy that drives too fast.
I don't want a boy that babies me.
And I don't want a shoulder to cry on
Because I'm not fragile
And I can take care of myself.
I want a boy that pushes me into oncoming sprinklers
And doesn't hold anything back.

I don't want a boy that's looking for forever
because forever seems like a really long time.
I want a boy that goes day by day.

I don't want safe.
I want to go fast.
I want to live on the edge.
I want exhilaration.

I don't want to be wanted.
I want to want.

Sometimes I feel comfortable in my body,
and sometimes I feel like ripping off my skin.
At times I like what I see
I like what I wear
but then again at times I feel
like shattering the mirror and
the images in it.
Sometimes I feel like ripping off my hair
removing the fat with my bare hands.
But then I feel stupid for whining about
something so trivial.
because it's the inner beauty that counts
isn't it?
and after that I set off in another trail of despair
am I pretty enough within?

I am my biggest enemy,
I am my best friend.
I push myself of the ground
And criticize my self.

Then I'm the stretched out hand
Who picks me and brushes me off
I say the words that inspire me
Make me cry at first, and then laugh.

No one can take me away
From the person residing within me.
It tells me what to say,
Also the correct way to behave.
It sees what my eyes see,
it understands what I feel.

The truth is, I rule me.