It's on days like these,
When the sky is a cloud,
That I wish I could sit
For a bit
In the sky-
And watch from a cloud
How the days go by;
How the world goes round,
And why people die.
It wouldn't be easy
Amongst all the chaos
To find any meaning
Or reason or rhyme.
Perhaps that is why
I decide to write poems;
My words all have meaning
And some of them rhyme!

I am, myself, an ocean.

My skin the thing on which I float,
The boat I have to travel in.
The winds are strong, and threatening

To pull me in, my little boat
Is leaking, creaking, not too long

Before I join the others
In the depths so far below.
I see their faces still, the wrecks.

The beck of land called them to death
For land is harsh, and sharp, and land
Does not provide for things you keep

Within your oceans, vast, and deep.
For I had kept a multitude
Of dreams and hopes, I wept for them

When land required they walked on legs,
And breathe with lungs they did not have.
They beckon me with marble eyes,

Towards the skies and shores of land,
But I know I can only live
Inside the ocean that I am.

But in this ocean there are things-
Dull, singing things like funeral bells,
Old memories, regrets, mistakes,
Whose weight is all too much to bear
For all the statues buried there.

They show the world, I have their eyes,
The sun may rise but it is dull,
Not singing, silenced by the sea

That ebbs and flows so steady in me.
The sun may rise but I am cold,
My boat already leaks, and mould

Has grown within this boat so long
I've already scraped and cut the skin
And let the murky water in -

And I would like to drown.

your scent is draped around my room
like fairy lights, my love;
they shine as bright as stars at night (how
darkness makes faint lights shine bright)
as bright as sun above.
remember how my skin would glow
in early morning haze?
reflecting off your sunlight heat
(your skin like cigarette smoke, sweet)
upon me you would gaze
and, like a gazania daisy,
i opened up to you (oh all
the things i told you
i think i must have told you
everything)
and now without your sunlight i
close up like daisies do.
my lips still taste your lips, though,
my hands still hold your hands;
my fingers close around themselves-
(i’m closing in upon myself
oh god, why aren’t you here to hold me?
i’m falling through like sand
into the bottom of
an hourglass)
i walk through these strange lands
(alone.)

I spoke in Winter’s frozen tongue,
In tingling fingertips gone numb,
And biting words of icy winds-
Oh, winter’s words were all I sung;

But all the tales of snow I told
Soon made my throat red raw and cold;
And, like the years make youth grow gold,
I loved how cold made warmth more bold

And so I came to hear the leaves
That fell so soft from Autumn’s trees;
They said to me ‘Though I may die
I still am moved by any breeze

And thus I dance still, after death’
And so I fell for Spring’s warm breath
And sung along to sweet birdsong;
This love of life reborn I kept

Until I felt your love; true, strong,
And warm, and sweet as all birdsong;
I fell in love with sunshine’s rays
And Summer’s days; oh, all along

I’d only loved the cold for how
It had brought us so close somehow;
Our warming hugs and clasping hands-
I only love the Summer now

And how I see it in your smile
And bloss’ming cheeks though, all the while,
Outside is cold and rain and drear;
It’s always Summer when you are here.

(I only love the cold at night
When we are drenched in soft moonlight
And all the stars, and your eyes, bright,
Can keep me warm as all daylight)

I have made a home
for the sadness living inside me
I have fed it with my fears
it has grown strong on my doubts
in return it gave me nothing
instead taking all it could;
my smiles
my strength
my sanity
until I am left barren and empty
a shadow of myself
a crumbling shell of a house
that depression claims as home

Remember when I stood on building’s top
So close to your cold fingers, yet still held
By Life’s hot grasp, my heart still beating strong?
I felt you for a moment, you compelled
My toes to inch, so slow, towards the drop;
I felt your fingers round my ankles close;
I welcomed it, that feeling, and I smiled;
You blossomed in my heart just like a rose;
It rose its rate so it would sooner stop;
I closed my eyes and raised my arms to you
But life pulled back my soul from ice embrace.
I felt then this same pull that I now do,
This urge to leave behind all life can give
For freedom, ignorance, unconscious bliss.

I pick at my sleeve
until the wool unravels
and think to myself
how much would it take
for me to unravel along with it?