Were i to die
And fill the ground
Would you somberly
Gather round

Would you claim to have love
My hair and eyes
And give your conciense
Some alibi

Would you tell my mother
We were close friends?
Would you tell my father
You knew me back when?

Would you even know
Who belonged to the name
Lining the paper
On that inevitable day

Would you **** your head
Shouting "Oh Yeah!"
Finding you knew me
Before i was dead

Im ok with that
I dont expect you to know
Done lie to my family
Dont act like you know

Few people are entitled
To claim me as a friend
Few people know me
Or where ive been

Dont think it polite
To say it was sad
Dont say im in heaven
It would make me quite mad

My friends will say
With a laugh that ive known
"That ***** is in hell,
Shes taken back her throne."

I hope they wont cry
But i know they will
Theyre a bunch of babies
And i would miss them still

Just whenever i die
When that day comes
I want life to go on
I dont want life to be numb

I know people love me
I wont deny that
So i hope that they move on
Ill be happy with that

Oh God how this sweater hangs on me
Its my mothers
Just like my lips

And these bruises on my eyes?
They sting from the hours
looking at your face

My hands still shake
every hour
second
of the day

theyre cold
frozen
stuck in this hesitant state of urges to do but lack of execution

like i lack the execution to kiss you
when you lean in to whisper
whatever it is you say

I cant even eat
because my mind is too
wrapped on everything else

like how i need to write in my book
or loook at colleges
or join a club

but i just sit there
just sit there overwhelmed
hard to breathe

i still havent even looked at my report card
i made A's & B's
i know because i can go to the pizza party

but i cant eat pizza
because im thinking of everything
every god ****** trivial thing

and im so stressed
so overwhelmed
and that trip to Germany

I want to go so bad
but we cant afford the $3000 dollars i need.
$3000 dollars that could go towards college

******* college
i want to go but no here
not locallly in Tennessee

i want to leave Tennessee
I want to be anywhere else
nothing happens here

not in **** **** no where
Columbia Tennessee
Forget us town USA

// Jan 17th, 3:57am //
  I just wanna hold you.

// Jan 17th, 8:38pm //
  Can I have you forever?

// Jan 18th, 9:01pm //
   Really, I just want to hold your hand and run around like stupid idiots together, not caring about what other people think.

// Jan 19th, 9:49pm //
  You're all I care about anymore.
    
// Jan 19th, 10:56pm //
  I knew I loved you the second I put eyes on you.

// Jan 19th, 11:00pm //
   Babe, can we run away together? Just get rid of all the bad things an have it just me and you, forever?

// Jan 20th, 3:20am //
  But I love you. Right now, if I could, I would tell the whole world that I love you. I love you with all of my heart babe.

// Jan 20th, 3:45am //
   I love you so ******* much.

// Feb 22, 7:47pm //
   Baby, you're perfect and beautiful just the way you are. You make me feel like the luckiest man in the world. I love you. Don't you ever forget it.

Walk away slowly
      Please don't run
Remember
    I'm still holding the gun
It's cocked
        And loaded....
Aimed at my temple
     Why didn't you listen?
The rules....
    WERE SIMPLE!!!
I handed you my heart
    Expecting you not to
        Break It!
You should've known it...
   I'm a ******* poet!
I can turn anything you say
     Into a **** ****** scene
Make you wish
      It was ALL A DREAM
But it's not
       And you're gone
I'm holding the trigger
          Thank God
I decided to use ink
      Instead of bullets...

I've always been slightly obsessed
with the human mind.
It just fascinates me.

How is it that one second
a person can be a stranger.
And yet, one second later,
they become your whole life.

I'm not sure if it's the way you first looked at me,
like for once in my life
I was being looked at and not through.
Or maybe it's how you made me feel like finally,
I wasn't so alone.

It's been 625 days
since that first look.
And now I'm right back where I started.

Transparent.

i like pop music
some oldies too
i dont like Mudhoney
but you do

I like rivers
I like the ground
you get thrills
im safe and sound

I like Disney
I like Pixar
You like pulp fiction
its just who we are

im not obscure
ive tried to be
its not who i am
its not who ill be

this isnt an attack
just recognition
of who i am
of what im missing

im trying to fit in
but thats not what im about
i dont get along
with the out crowd

i dont get cult movies
or grungy rock bands
it doesnt make me
less than i am

i like classic poets
but moderns good too
but i dont get those poets
you watch on youtube

maybe i thought
i could learn or understand
but im beginning to see
thats just not who i am

this is a message
or maybe just a thought
i had to say it
im all i got

ill still try to watch your movies
ill listen to your bands
ill try to get it
ill try to understand

i dont always get you
but boy do i try
i guess im just tired
of trying to lie