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Am I a door, who's lock is broken,
who's hinges are loose?
I'm being swung open and closed,
Swung open and closed again and again.

My hinges are rusted,
I have scratches and kicked-in holes,
My **** is about to be broken off.
Next I know, I'll be ripped off of my beautiful loosely rusted hinges and thrown into the roach-filled dumpster.

But I was put there for a purpose.
To open myself up and let those in who were in need of help.
And those people have ******* me over multiple times.
But that was my purpose.

My loose, rusted hinges
held on
no matter how many times I was slammed or kicked
because that’s what I was made for.
To help others,
no matter how broken they made me
I held on ,
and I kept my purpose.
I've come to the conclusion
I am two parts of a whole
you may look at the glass half empty
or half full
sometimes it's really hard to tell
but call me a Gemini , if you will

behind closed doors
I'm either high
or low
one minute I'm soaring
& the next on the floor

one half of me
battles depression & anxiety
my thoughts are scattered inconsistently
my heart pounds in my chest
the minute you speak my name
just know I'm doing my best
trying not to go insane

other days I'm free
gliding thru the breeze
of my life
energetically speaking
the sun dances around me
against my face, glistening

but I seldom wonder
the thin wall that divides me
if I should ever sunder
two halves of a broken heart
searching for the glue that once held them part

Gemini's are twins
such like, good and evil
an angel and a demon
dancing on my shoulders
dragging me farther and farther away
so in the eyes of the beholder
I sense the middle becoming yet much colder

judgment is given on the evil side of me
I'm distant , I admit it
at times , fairly resistant
a poor trait one must receive
nothing more than a peeve

alas I did not select this trait
nor must I choose to accept it
my slump has taken its toll
I do not wish to see anything as it is but dull
I may be present and alive
yet inside, negatively drains my mind

I pray that good outweighs the unfavorable
that you may overlook how I'm unstable
my bright eyes & tinted cheeks
how I simply ignore my urge to be weak
for in that one moment
I've experienced a whole heartbeat

ultimately, there is no escaping
no path could lead me elsewhere away from thee
no debating
I am not one but two parts of a whole
one day I hope I am in control

Gemini
the twins
its me
& I am them
Growing up,
I have had men walk in and out of
my life.
Which showed me
that it was impossible to trust a man.

I was a puzzle
that could never be completed
due to it's missing piece.

But then I met you,
and you proved to me
that it's not that hard.

You showed me what self worth is,
what self love is.

You opened the door
that has always
had me locked in.

Your arms wrapped around me,
holding every fear,
every broken piece of me.

No one else
has been able to make me feel
so safe,
and so loved

You have engraved
a massive effect on
my heart,
my mind,
my feelings.

You,
my love,
were the missing
puzzle piece
that I've been looking for
all this time.
One, two, three, four,
Look who's here at the door!
Five, six, seven, eight,
I hope it's them, they're pretty late-
Nine, ten, eleven, twelve,
Their coat goes up on the shelves.
Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen,
I hope they see a guillotine.
Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty,
Now they're here, I'll hurt them plenty.

No use counting any more,
It's just making my brain quite sore.
I simply had to tell you more
Of they who turned life into war.
Made happy thinking quite a chore,
Right at my face they swore and swore.
Everything nice, hidden in a drawer,
Or scattered everywhere, all over the floor.
May someday beach up upon the shore,
May I fall asleep without a snore.
A person who may or may not exist.
Once I stepped on the bus
The first thing I do
is look at everyone
and the first thing
that pops up in my head is
"what are their stories"?
I never took the time
to actually think about what people go through
do they fight with demons
in their head like I do ?

As I take my seat
I look at my people again
Some are laughing
Others are sleeping
and those who are just
calm
All they do is look out the window
Like me

I always assume
Based on peoples face expression
if they go through things
And those that have so much life
Are ok

Until one day
the girl that everyone calls "rich"
was riding the city bus
the happiest girl in my school broke down today
wanting everything to be over
the guy that everyone thought was poor
because of the way he dressed
paid his daughters tuition for college
out of his pocket

Thats when I realized
I can't be judging a book by its cover
Because all this time I just assumed
while the answer was in me all this time
and that was
ME
I am an example
of what I didn't believe
I am that girl that puts up a show for people
that I am happy
when it is all an act

(that's when I snap out of it)

I looked around one last time
But this time I looked through the eyes of reality
so when I looked at my people
I seen all of their demons behind them
They all looked at me back
And seen what I was seeing
They seen mine behind me

Believe it or not we all go through something
You will be surprised of who they are too
Fluttering thou will
Rainbow so high
Moon delight
Breezy freezy kisses
Like a step by step

Two step out
One step in
Two step out
One step in
slow dance

Cheers to wonderful time
Drink,dine and dance
.

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i remember how you hated arithmetic;
the nights spent huddled over assignments,
and in the midst of sleep groaning about numbers i never understood,
i'd like to count how long it would take for you to drift off.
i remember that you have ten fingers,
all of which have once touched me on wintery nights,
all of which have traced down the 65 inches of my body,
and you have two eyes,
the blue that ogled every part of me while in the shower.
and i used to love numbers,
because i could count each time i fall in love with you,
over and over again.
i remember how you'd mumble formulas in your sleep,
and i'd count each breath you'd take,
smiling to myself multiple times in the dark.
and i remember spending the 391 days without you in my life,
and it makes me hate numbers, too.
i’ve become comfortable with the way your ripped t-shirt hangs off my shoulders, and the way your detergent mixes with your cologne,
so you smell like home,
even if i’m not supposed to live there,
or love there,
but constant nights i wish for the older times where you took me into your room; crawling on the twin bed with breath reeking of beer and bad decisions,
but i didn’t want to regret you,
so we kissed cheeks and whispered secrets, and shared gazes i’d never tell to anyone,
for it was ours.
and now i wear my own clothing, yet i yearn for your shirts every time i enter your room,
where you used to whisper down my body,
and trace your fingertips along my waist like butterfly kisses on gentle skin.
and we find ourselves back in that room from time to time, no longer sharing,
no longer having something that’s ours,
but i see you in the familiar light,
against the familiar linen sheets,
and i fall into the comfort that is a dangerous fault,
for it used to be ours; the comfort, and silence, and goofy laughter i’ll hold close,
because you were you, and i was me, and i was yours, and you were mine, and each night was ours.
so promise me to never give away those shirts i once wore to someone else,
i think we will find ourselves back there in that nostalgia,
and find each other in the dark,
with yearning, excited hands,
panting breaths with the need for one another,
where we fall together and fit like lock and key,
though sometimes i wish we weren’t,
and it makes being uncomfortable without you that much worse.
so please keep the door open, we will be back to what we once were,
and i will sleep in your shirts as you whisper “i love you” low enough where you think i cannot hear, but like my heart; my ears, and arms will always be open,
to you,
to the idea of togetherness again,
to everything that’s ours.
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