I'm so tired I keep stumbling over my feet
Much like the words on my tongue getting caught in my teeth
But if you were to kiss me now you might understand
You have no season nothing to govern your insides
Consistency is not a law in your mind and its twisting your bones
Somehow I find myself here again covered in someone else's blood
At least thats the way that I remember it
But I guess I'll never be sure of anything when I can't trust my own perception
The corner of my eye has become your favorite haunt
But I don't mind I enjoy your silent company
I've been avoiding sleep like the plague just in case there's a reason
Supposedly there is a chance that I'm in critical condition
And if I had to guess I would say they're probably right
Its just been so long since I've seen you smile
No number of miles could carry too high a price
I just don't know what you want so I'll sit quietly and wait
The thought of pushing you away breaks my heart
In patterns you can't find in shattered glass or broken bones
I would know I've had my fair share of bad luck and frail redemption
You've contorted everything and it makes it hard to see
If only I could take your hands and whisper in your ear
Then maybe you would stop trembling
Maybe you could see far enough to see the sky
Its only so dark because its time for you to rest and tend to your wounds
My eyes may deceive me often but I don't see any clouds for miles
All I see are the stars that used to make up my favorite constellation
*~W.C.

Walking wandering waiting watched
aimless within a maze of desire and fear
can't let go can't let go can't let go
won't survive to allow someone in
walls stretching to the sky ever building
as foundation shakes and crumbles
wings torn and tattered fly and fall in but one direction

Bending begging bleeding broken
gripped by certainty and fore knowing
can't hold on can't hold on can't hold on
nothing remains to sacrifice for
empty shell beneath painted mask
burning for reflection be become reality
face cracked and flaking
echoes bounce endless

Fighting fleeing falling failed
last gasp escapes twisted prison
can't get up can't get up can't get up
useless scrabble of crippled fingers
a coarse rejection in abject denial
for respite for a chance for a life
movement fades no more mask
a grimace replaced with a smile

And empty eyes stare forever.

ground zero
i become aware of boundaries
i am a dog chasing cars
i sing your voicemail to sleep
there are no surgeon general warnings
to tell me that
the objects in the mirror
are more depressed than they appear
so how do i tell you
that there are parts of my life
that move slower
without you in them?
or that i look for you every day
in emails & unanswered calls
in the sunrises
i didn't choose to be awake to watch
that i sometimes still stare at doorways hoping you would walk through them
   *stage 1 you tell your new lover you've got a splinter and they pull the sound of your body falling asleep on mine out of your fingertip
   stage 2 your new lover says something at dinner that makes you choke so they call 911 & the paramedics do the hymleich not knowing you would ***** our promises all over the the restaurant
   stage 3 your new lover surprises you by cleaning the house & washes the shirt you kept next to the bed, not knowing it was the last thing you had that smelled like me
after
people always ask
what was loving her like?
after a really long silence
i just say
"it must be nice"
but i never say
it's watching paint dry
i never say
it's a window seat in hell
i don't tell anyone
about the dreams
where i am reading you
bedtime stories
each one is a different way you die
& every time i can never save you
dreams where what i think
are angels in my bedroom
are just homeless versions
of myself you never loved
i have dreams
where i pay someone to shoot me
just to see if you would cry
just to see
if you would cradle my body
i don't tell people
that loving you is like
playing piano
for someone who can't hear
that it's hitting repeat
on my favorite song
& forgetting the words
every time it starts over
that it's finding out
there's no milk after you already
poured yourself a bowl of cereal
it's getting locked in the dark
& being told to
look on the bright side
that loving you is like
being reminded of what it felt like
the first time
you accidentally let go
of a balloon as a child
it's drowning without the water
it's the feeling you get
when you start to dance
& the song ends

Villanelle
Please don’t stop the rain,
On the floor is where I lie
Ready to be hit by the pain

Distorted thoughts go through my brain
Asking questions, wondering why,
Please don’t stop the rain.

Keeps repeating, but I have to break the chain
I keep falling I can’t stop but I try
Please don’t stop the rain.

Pressure on me, slipping closer to the insane
People don’t see these tears, they don’t see me cry
Please don’t stop the rain.

I want to leave because I can’t take this pain
Fly away. Soar. Touch the sky.
Please don’t stop the rain.

As I slip away there is no strain.
On the floor is where I lie,
I am in a euphoric peace, no more pain.
Please don’t stop the rain.

Alone in the darkness, I carefully tread
Gazing at the leafy roof blossoming
Pearly flickering snowdrops overhead
A lone orchestra that she is forming
Hushed. I stand motionless, tranquil, silent
Glittering petals floating all around
Hear the eloquent song; dusky, violent
Twirling whilst dances to the velvet sound
In the midst of our homely wilderness
Reaching out to this enchanting spirit
I watch her, Illuminating blackness
My tortured soul I again revisit

Chasing is useless. I don't have her heart
We are seamed together and ripped apart.