staying up late , missing your voice.
wishing you hadnt made that choice.

the choice to leave , the choice to quit.
the choice that broke my mind a bit.

you gave me heaven then you took it back.
the only thing left was my heart that cracked.

had you tried , we couldve worked.
but you left , and it still hurts.

i know im no good and that im worthless.
theres nothing to do that could make it hurt less.

i sit here , head in my hands.
my mind rummaging through all our old plans.

you sit there, not caring my heart is in flames.
wondering whos the next player in your games.

it happened in a flash.
we didn't see it coming.
i wasn't expecting to fall so hard
so fast.
but you
oh , you
didn't fall.
you hardly even stumbled.
how unfair is that ,
that the one you fell for
hardly feels the same.
it hurts
it feels like i'm not worthy of being loved
it feels like youre just playing with me.
don't get me wrong,
i love being played with.
just not like this.
i can promise you will be long loved
but i'm scared we will be short lived.
there's only so much playing one can handle.

i am a bomb.
tick tick ticking.
i am neutral as of now
who knows when i'll explode
taking everyone near me out, too.

im so sorry for all the pain
i have brought upon you.
im so sorry for always making you worry.
im so sorry for never being stable.
i know its annoying when
you have to constantly check
and double check
and triple check
that im safe
and doing as well as can be.
i know the dry replies are hard to work around.
when i don't have the mental capacity
to hold a single ******* conversation.
"yeah"
"lol"
"ok"
its hard for me, too.

im so ******* scared of being alone.
i can hardly function with the support i have,
how the **** will i do it on my own?
the answer is simple :
i wont.

i will give up on myself
just as everyone else has.
i will collapse into the dirt
moldy and rotten
a corpse of empty emotion.
and nobody will dig me up.