I will one day be free of all my pain.

How can you not get it? You’re everything to me. You’ve managed to crawl inside my brain and force me to strive for more. You make me want to reach new heights, explore new depths, indulge myself in new opportunities, create new endings, and find peace inside this ****** up world. You came along and you gave a way out from a cold, lonely, and dark abyss that I had permitted myself to get lost in for so long that I’d almost forgotten what the light looked like, or what it felt like to hold another close to me. I had almost forgotten the warmth of another body, the way someones eyes could latch themselves into your soul and make a home there, and above all else, the way the very presence of a person, even for ten seconds, could light up your whole day and just as easily ruin it when they are absent. All too soon, however, you’ll realize the hopelessness inside of me that I’ve become quite acquainted with and you’ll pack your bags and take the first bus to a new lover that will satisfy you with mental stability. I didn’t ask for you to come along, I didn’t ask for you to fix me, but you did and you promised me you wanted to. What’s worse, even, is that it was so easy for you to leave once you’d outgrown me, like a butterfly does its cocoon. You moved on and found a better life, one that better suited you, and one that didn’t involve me. I didn’t ask for you to come along, instead, I begged for you to stay. I didn’t ask for you to fix me, instead, I begged for you to heal me. I didn’t ask for you to leave, instead, you told me you were going. Oh, and if you’re wondering what will happen to me... I’ll just be sitting at the bus stop, hoping and praying that one day you’ll return to me, that you’ll bring me out of my cold, lonely, and dark abyss that grows more overwhelming with each day that passes when you are not by my side.

i wrote about you so often that every time my ink pen scraped a piece of paper the pen bled your name