she wants to say good bye to the shouting
the daily shouting
the sudden shouting
the surprise shouting that buries her dignity
though she's not involved

every single

day
holiday
morning
night
midnight, too

maybe in heaven there is no shouting
only love and good mornings

maybe in heaven
they won't hurt each other
disrespect each other

rather honor each other
happy to see in the morning
the family you dream to live

Ayos lang naman Le
na sa panahong ito ka nasaktan
Sa panahon ng kawalan
walang kasiguraduhan

Hindi mo naman kasalanan
na ngayon ka nya iniwan

hindi mo naman masisisi
na hindi ikaw ang pinili

tinanong mo kung lilipas rin to

baka bukas?
siguro...


baka sa susunod?
siguro...

baka sakaling mawala




bumalik
ang sakit o ang pag-ibig?


ano ang pipiliin?
wariy parehas lang din

ang sakit.

puno ng kawalan
walang kasiguraduhan
walang patutunguhan

Nakabibinging katahimikan
Nakaririnding paninindigan

Ikaw
aking Ulan
Mabanggit nino man
Hindi masilayan

Pag-ibig hanggang laylayan
Hinati ng kasalanan
Ala-ala nating tangan
Tangan-tangan ng nagmamahalan

Ikaw, aking Mahal
Nawa'y magpagal.

When I don't talk about you,
When I don't tell the world of your love,
When I don't seek you
or praise your name,

I feel nothing.

for when you created me,
and when you came down to tell me,
that when you became a man to die on the cross,
that's when you gave me a life filled with purpose,
so when your love came down to give me a crown,
it's when you became my portion,

my savior, my king, and my everything.

I will always be selfish.
I can never say I loved you first.
But I know for sure.

Without you, I am nothing.

Once upon a time, I met this star in front of the cross
one morning
while praying

the star caught my attention
I thought it didn't notice me

but every time I pass by this star
every time we're in the same vicinity
It never fails to give a glitter glance at me

and I to it

Many times it's the first one I see
when I open my eyes
after praying

It never failed to bid hello
It never failed to throw a smile
It never failed to give a stare that says it cares

One day I saw my star dancing
with a diamond star

the star he's been dancing with
light years beyond and back

I waited for his caring glance
and still caught it

the diamond star casts a glance at me as well
a glance so sharp my eyes hurt
I had to close them

I tried to close them
tried to not seek his glance for surely I'd be burned again

the diamond star enveloped our sky
our cross
our vicinity

suddenly
my star faded

Today I didn't think I'd let go
of something truly dear to me.

My favorite umbrella. The first umbrella I didn't lose or break.
I bought it with a special someone. Held onto it even when he left.
I felt like it was me.

It was overturned and threatened by strong winds and falls,
graciously protecting it's Master under the strong heat of the Son,
and from the batting of the Reyn.

It served me well. I also, did well.
We survived two years
of wandering
actually running three next month,

but Umbra just had to go unexpectedly
found a diversion
when we saw a legless old woman
whose old wheelchair is slowly being pushed under the heat of December.
Her old man wearing a cap,
and she, wearing a small towel on her head.
Traversing the highway perhaps coz of the fare they can't afford.

Slowly nearing us. Umbra came out of my bag. Jumped out quickly but gripped me
to bid me a final goodbye.
My hands thinking between taking a last picture of my umbra and feeling her last grip.

Then the old woman smiled.
Umbra shook her hand.
And let me go.

I bowed to both Umbra and the grateful lady.

My eyes followed their acquaintance.
the sight of the lady's delight while opening Umbra
seeing Umbra at her most beautiful-
like a butterfly sprouting her wings

regretting that I didn't wash her as planned
had I known we'd part unplanned

Surely I will miss my Umbra
but I am utmost proud
that finally
she has found a purpose
full of purpose

And this sheet asked me
about the happiest 10 seconds of my life

I didn't know what it is until I had to answer
that it's that humid Friday night
when I was surrounded
by pineapples
milk
carrots and rice
along with busy grocers
on that  opening night

I lost you for a while then
so I looked around

calmly...

calmly searching around
to see where you're up to

feeling pretty
sure
that I'll find you in time

but I didn't.

you were the one who found me instead
and shouted my name from
7 meters





away.
for the first time in my life,
I felt
Found

Sometimes I feel alone
not because I'm alone but because nobody
has time to ask me how I am.
It's always them I should care for, pamper and make happy.
I miss you because you were the only one who's fair enough to ask me how I am even on your worst day.

Now that you're gone, I'm back to my own. Figuring things out
alone.

your soft gaze in the warm sunset
your whispers of good night and sleep tight
your sweaty palm brushing my nape
in the midst of ache I can't escape

in the best places you took me
up north to that pristine beach
and south in that wild berry farm
You held me high in that roller coaster ride
covered my soles on the hazy salt farm

I loved you and held you near
You matched my dress
slow rocked my suit
and made grand my lousiest sporty top

when I chose you I had no second thoughts
when I'm with the others  
I still think of you

WE are like the best team there is

but then your color started to fade
your insole started flaking
in every stride
your tongue started resisting
to every run
underneath that slender vamp
you started hurting my skin
digging deep my big toe mound
sometimes rips it open and leaves it swollen

yet I still lingered in your warmth
declining the possibilities of giving up
for I got used to having you around
no matter what the crowd
didn't want us to part

staring at you
here on Our cozy bench
I ask
until when?

Oh my love, don’t be a dove.
Don’t check on me on Facebook.
My posts and shouts, my wonder likes
Don’t check on me on Facebook
For on Facebook I lie
I do not share my deepest sighs
I don’t post them like my pies
for people to imply

On Facebook I don’t say how I think of you
like an unwanted miscue
I don’t say how I wish you’d be bolder
and forget why you’re colder

Alas, there’s no more to discuss
for you had made a pass
because you just checked on me on Facebook

Pulse.
Pub dub dub on my knees
Cluck cluck cluck on my thighs
Rub a dub dub on my toes
traveling, the curious pulse

I'm not in the mood to sleep
nor in the mood to sin
the heavy mass of imaginative hopes
Popped off the bubble sack

Truthhammer
dug
deep
sharp
gulp
pressure-stricken
a heavy ouch

let me sleep
I won't weep