the moon is hiding in
her hair.
The
lily
of heaven
full of all dreams,
draws down.

cover her briefness in singing
close her with the intricate faint birds
by daisies and twilights
Deepen her,

Recite
upon her
flesh
the rain’s

pearls singly-whispering.

I'm not me.
I may be you.
Or her.
Or him.
Or them.
But I'm not me.
My chest aches with the feeling of wanting to be belonged.
My heart aches with the feeling of wanting to be loved the way that I love.
My head aches because I want to scream.
While my bones turn to jelly, and my thoughts turn to suicide.
Everynight is long.
Everyday is tiring.
I wish you'd understand that my brain aches for something I don't believe I have.
You may think, that I am insane. Or considering I'm technically you, I may think I am insane.
These personalities swarm me, and I've never known myself.
Someone may love your laugh because it's unique. The way your nose cringed because of a smell. The way your eyes sparkle when you see something exciting.
Those are traits that make you .. you.
I'm swarmed. You have something to call you're own.
I'm not me. You have something to grow off of.
I may be you. You have something that people will love.
Or her. You have something people will come back for.
Or him. You have something that won't run.
Or them. You have something that makes you unique.
But I'm not me. You have something that I want.

I crave your taste upon my tongue. Stinging my senses with the sweetest poisonous honey.

I want my demise at your hands, softly stroking my skin as my sighs fill your ears. As the tingles on your neck send thoughts to me that any father would demand we repent for.

The taste of your fingertips on my tongue, blinding me to judgement and the stories of Greek mythology that end in a demise created from carnal desire. I want you to destroy me in sweetest way.

Falling down a rabbit hole of sin, and reckless abandonment. The taste of you overwhelmingly clogging my senses, and my teeth softly attached to the skin on your neck. Taking over you with abandonment.


I want your marks upon my flesh, branding me and reminding me how long this may last. I am at your alter begging for release. Begging for you, begging to find me. Begging for your peace.

All I want is you on top of me is you free, and your heavy breathing when we send each other to the places we need to be.

Pretty thoughts tangled in ugly sheets.

Take what you need, and I'll keep the memories.

I'm sorry
All I know
How to do
Is to ruin things,
Like people,
And places,
And memories.

you've Forgotten what it means to be you, it's all about the social hierarchy
you're Adamant on who you think you are, locked in a prison Society keeps under lock and key
you Keep telling yourself that you're individualistic but one look at you and you're just like the rest
and Everything about you is not you, but some Forgotten Adamant machine Kept by Society while She laughs in your face, for you my dear, were shaped by She, and i no longer know who you to be

I think the reason
Broken people
Are always drawn
To other
Broken people
Is that they
See each other's missing pieces
And they're so aware of their own
Missing pieces.
And they think
"Maybe your pieces can go where mine did,
And mine can go where yours did,
And together
We can be almost whole."

But broken people
Aren't very good at being whole
When they've been broken for so long.
They don't know how to be anything
But broken.

So I end up pushing you away.
I push you far, far away from me.
Because even though I need you around,
And I desperately want you with me,
I don't know how to be whole
anymore.
And that's what you do.
You make me whole.

And I push you and push you and push you
But you don't leave.
Even though you have absolutely
Every reason to leave.
Even though no one would question it.
Everyone would understand it.
Most people would be more than supportive of it.

But instead, you stay.

And I don't know if I make you whole,
But I know that sometimes you push me away too.
Not as far.
You never push me away as far as I push you,

But I am always ready to leave.
Because I've already done the sticking-around-when-no-one-wants-me thing.
And I've learned that there's no chasing people.
If they want to leave,
They will leave,
And you cannot ever stop them.

And everyone leaves, sooner or later.

You can't make a person want you
And you can't make a person choose you.

And someone can want you every second of every day,
But if they don't choose you,
It doesn't matter.

That's what I've learned.

So when you push me away from you,
My instinct is to leave.
I've never really had an actual home
Or an actual family,
So leaving isn't actually hard for me.
As much as I want to stay right here,
In your arms forever,
Leaving is easy.
It's natural for me.
I never knew how to stay.
I've always been a run-away kind of person.
Besides, it never takes anyone long to move on from me.
I leave,
They move on,
Their lives are better.

The hard part isn't leaving, for me.
It's forgetting.
Because I don't forget,
I can't move on.

Everyone I've left,
Everyone that has left me,
I remember.
I remember the hurt.
I remember them.

I'm not afraid to leave
When you push me away
Because I know you'll move on quickly
And I know you'll be better off
When I'm gone.

But when I push you away
I'm always so scared you'll go.
Because I don't want to move on,
And I don't want you to think I'll just forget you.
Because I won't.
Because I can't.

And I know it hurts that I'm so quick to leave,
And I know that knowing that it's only because I'm so used to going
Doesn't make it better.

I'm going to try to stay,
Because you stay.
Because I won't ever forget you,
And I don't want you to forget me.

I used to think
That once you love someone--
And I mean really really
Love them,
With every part of you--
I think once you love someone,
Well...
You never really stop.