This is heartbreak, this is that tugging you feel when you hear his name. This is anxiety, this is how you know how real "this" can be. This is the feeling of numbness, this is how you cope. This is how you welcome depression, this is how you never got to tell him you're sorry. This is how you want to crawl into bed and only come out when he says it's okay, that he's there. This is how you fake a smile, and tell everybody it's okay, that he's not feeling pain anymore, when you're still trying to believe it yourself. This is how you tell the voices in your head to shut up, this is how you ask the nurses, "why?"

This is how you teach yourself to let go, this is how you tell yourself he's okay. This is sadness trying to comfort you, telling you about how great of a person he was, but it's sadness, everything about it makes you feel worse. This is that ball of tightness you feel in your throat when your mom hugs you, this is you trying to be strong for everybody. These are your shaking hands holding his favorite shirt, this is the strength he taught you. This is the throbbing in your head, this is how you regret. This is how you tell yourself that's it's okay, this is how you convince yourself that he still loves you, this is how you convince yourself that people aren't so bad. This is how you don't want to look in the mirror, this is how you find the strength to get out of bed. This is how you forget how to sleep, this is how you remember was misery is. This is how you shut people out regardless of how unhealthy it is, this is how you look up to stretch your neck with your eyes closed and take a deep breath.

This is how you miss somebody.

Maybe this is how they all feel
Waiting for someone to come
Rescue them
Waiting for someone
Anyone to talk to them
While thy wait
They hold on by the pain
Inflicted to their bones

Maybe this is how they feel
So desolate
So alone
So utterly helpless

Maybe this is how they all feel
Every night
On their beds
In the dark
Wishing someone would
Just ring them up
Salvage the pieces they
Tried to hold on

Maybe this is how they all feel
As they start their nightly
Ritual of the Red

This is how they all feel
Alone
Scared
Afraid
Broken
Crushed
Alone

Because this is how I feel

Don't write poems of
Those you don't want to think of
It just makes it worse.

As she lies in the marble cold arms of her lover
she is still
Because she knows her soul is free
to soar through the darkness
under velvet sky
over blackened water
to where he sleeps
He that loves her darkness
He that lights her way

It's been raining since you left
It has never stopped at all
And I've never stopped thinking about
The day it started to fall

It's been raining since you left, dear
I miss when the sun used to shine
Every day was bright then and
On my lips there was a smile

It's been raining since you left me
Some days it drizzles, some it pours
But each day it's all the same
I miss you more and more

It's been raining since you left and
I miss your arms around my heart
Now it's cold and unforgiving
And I'm shivering in the dark

It's been raining since you left, love
Oh your warmth proved way too much
You bent, scarred and burnt me
Yet I'm ice cold to the touch

It's been raining since you left though
I try and try to see the sun
Not even a single ray of light
Have I ever come upon

It's been raining since you left oh
Will I ever find my way?
The rain falling, falling to the ground
Is all I see these days

It's been raining since you left but
The fire in my heart remains
Blazing, raging, flaming
Against the downpour of the rain