What a beautiful morning
to wake up on your side of bed -
now empty of you and your smell.

There was a warning
and I got it misread
now I can’t get out of your spell.

Are you still coming
or are you waiting until I’m dead
to release me from this cell?

I dine alone, love
and the seat across from me
where you’re supposed to be
is empty.

So I dine alone.

I
dine
alone

A baggage full of hope
With fragments of dreams and ardor
Desiring to get up to the *****
Where she’ll find her own harbor

A baggage full of hope
In ceaseless heedful caress
Not wanting to ever elope
Amidst the melody she cannot express

A baggage full of hope
Packed for the long journey to Utopia
Wishing to just remain afloat
In a night sky with stars in cornucopia

A baggage full of hope
Drenched in a swamp of sorrow
Will she still be able to cope
And be saved from being hollow?

A baggage full of hope
A casket of ambition, lost and lifeless
Will holding on to the obtrusive rope
Bring her back up and leave her boundless?

I hugged myself together
After you cut me open
Bandage smeared with blood
That left tracks - beautiful but odd
This used to flow to keep me alive
But it’s now ******* out my life
Where shall I go
When the home I’d known
Wanted me out of the door?
It was sweet of you though
To not let me leave empty-handed
For when you pushed me out
You let me carry a heavy load
Of grief, broken dreams, and lost hope
And as if these were not enough
You soaked my cuts in alcohol
Before you shut the door
Love, what happened to my little heaven?
Did I deserve a shove
Instead of a kiss goodbye?
I stitched the cuts
Even healing hurt too much
Memories filled my heart
With misery and unparalleled ache
I fell in between the cracks
I fell, love, and you didn’t pull me up

the way your hand
caresses my spine
creating a line
that burns the
flesh beneath

the way your voice -
deep and hoarse
tells me stories
that carve picture-perfect
scenes that
i replay
over and over again
in my head

the way you count down
from ten to twee
to have me encaged
in your cuteness
as you babytalked
before we bid farewell
to the night
and
eventually
to
each
other

the way you sleep
on my shoulder
so heavenly
and the way you whisper my name
as you drift off
farther and farther away
even when there is no
space between us

the way you never say
goodbye
when it’s all i need
to hear

the way you lie
when i know all along
what’s real

the way i never seem
to be able to last
living
without
loving
you

unravel the frail veil -
my disguise from this crestfall
puncture my beating heart
it has no use anyway
take my unsound life
let my blood touch your hands
so i can finally say that
you’ve held me once
you’ve touched me once
i’ve been a part of you
**o n c e

Close your eyes
and feel nothing but the way the wind caresses your skin;
hear nothing but the breeze that passes by your ears;
see nothing but the oblivion that lies before you

Inhale the vagueness and exhale the clarity
Fill your lungs with the bliss of
having this time to yourself
and let it flow throughout the rest of your body

Be as carefree as you can be for this moment,
this time,
is yours
and nothing and no one can ever
take this away from you
except yourself

Let the wind take you somewhere
you’ve never been to ever in your life
and enjoy the ride

Embrace the reality that
no one can ever tell you
where you are exactly heading off to -
not even the wind who is your most recent friend -
and just simply let it be

Fabricate your own wings,
make your own shoes,
and recognize you can create time
whenever you think there is not enough
of it left for you to spend
or waste

This is your life to live,
your time to take,
your wings to spread off,
your journey to explore

Close your eyes
and savour these things

For they are all yours.

All yours.

All

Yours.

you are
too busy
to live
yet
too idle
to die

the rain drops never made it
to the ground
for you caught them
with your palms held upward
and your mouth open wide
just in time
before they turn into
mud

the petals of your favorite daisy
never reached the soil
for you kept them in between
the pages of your books
until there, they withered

the balloon you bought
remained in between your hands
as you adored its color
and the way the sun gave it
a different shade
and your eyes followed it enrapturedly
all the way up in the air
as you let it go

the smoke you blew from
your perfectly pursed lips
remained aloft
as you finished
one stick
one pack
two lungs

the heart i once had
stayed wondering why
it was the only one
that fell all the way down
while everything else
you held
stayed up and far
from the ground
where my heart
found no refuge

be her ribs -
the refuge
of her busy, tiny heart
capture and enclose it
like it’s yours
own it, keep it, cage it,
save it from knives
that intent to
make it bleed
the life out of her
surround her lungs
because she needs them
to breathe you in
to devour your scent
to sponge herself up
with the air that you exhale
through her lips
as you two kiss
and be her ribs
for when a length
of you fractures
even the tiny fragment
will bring her pain
be her guard
against any harm
be her ribs -
her outline
her vault
her kingdom
be her ribs

i’ve broken my bones for you
over and over and over again
up to the last that i’ve kept untouched
with each fracture a reminder of
all the dreams you crippled
a dismembered skeleton  
of varied tortured reveries
with its core exposed
wounded and now
ruefully useless

your eyes once were the shade of blue
the way the sky looks
before the sun gives way to the moon

but they are black as midnight now
the starless sky, pitch-dark
oh, what did i do?
did i cause this to you?

your wings, broad and strong
flew me to paradise and back
and to everywhere my feet can’t take me

but you’re featherless now
flightless and short of harbor
oh, fly, please, fly again
feel the wind and fly back to me once more
*
but i’m still broken, darling,
i don’t deserve your loving

Cheers to the broken hearts
As the lonely in us departs
Cheers to the voices in our heads
As every piece of us spreads
Cheers to the hands that create
To live forever is our piece’s fate
Cheers to the hot coffee
That sets our thoughts free
Cheers to the sleep we withhold
When our nocturnal reveries unfold
Cheers to the people that come by
Who leave with more than just hi
Cheers to the people that are lost
For they will soon find their true cost
And cheers, cheers, cheers
You hope for beers, but no, they’re tears

he planted his hand on my waist
and it grew vines that
enveloped my heart
with sun shines and blue skies
he kissed the dusts away
and i saw rainbows and waterfalls
that fed the vines with
what seemed to be
everlasting bliss
but the moon light came
and the vines that once
cradled my heart
tore me apart
with the thorns that
pierced me
over and over again
his eyes held no star
to unshackle me
and the sun
never rose
to save me
again

i just want to find myself staring
at the bedroom wall with nothing
but your chest as my cushion
revealing nothing but our affection

i won’t even be in sad thoughts way too deep
because you’ll be there as i try to sleep
in my dreams, i won’t even dare to roam
because on your chest is where i’m home

we’ll just lie there in peace
who knows, maybe we’d even kiss
i won’t care, really
because with you, i can be silly

at times, i’ll even take a chance
at you, i’ll steal a glance
i’ll trace the curves of my face
that’s reflected on your captivating gaze

i’ll touch your hair with my free hand
and adore each and every strand
truly there’s not a piece of you
that will ever fail to keep me anew

maybe - no, of course! - we’ll cuddle
oh, how we’ll enjoy the snuggle
then we’ll find ourselves on the floor
oh, darling, you’re the one i’ll endlessly fall for

i’ll listen to your charming snore
that solid sound, i’ll spend time to explore
i might even laugh as you audibly breathe in
you’ve no idea how happy i’ll be within

as i hear your breathing and mine
i’ll know everything will be just fine
we’ll create our own piece of beautiful melody
to the lonely past, it’ll be our remedy

for it’s all that i ever long
our own version of a happy song
just let me hold you once more
and i promise, i’ll never ask for more

Losing control
As on my knees I fall
I used to stand so tall
But with you, I crawl
Troubled thoughts
I feel at a loss
Didn’t my words come across
or did you have them all tossed?
Fractured and frozen
For I believed I was chosen
Over everything that was golden
But now, I’m left broken
My cherished moment
My stolen enjoyment
My love with no current
My heart with a dent

You left me
with lies to back up the truth
and I still stood there
waiting for you to turn around
and face me without your mask on.

I still stood there
with the whole world
I had known crumbling down
before me.

The sky rained down hopes
and my deceived heart
became my umbrella.

The sun showed me light
but I closed my eyes
because I wanted to
remain in the dark.

The melodies hummed sweetly
in the background
but I shut them out
because they were not your sound.

I just stood there.

Still.

Remember that stretch in the crack of dawn
Late we both were so I thought I had companion
I ran fast towards you and deafeningly called on
But you walked past me in the hallway and waved a yawn

Remember those mornings in our classroom
When there was no other feels than gloom
You’d suddenly crack a joke and keep us abloom
You’d give us a good laugh and avert the doom

Remember the countless lunch times we shared
You’d go to the canteen and I’d have mine prepared
Then you’d come to me and ask for candy I had spared
I’d hand you one or maybe two as if I was compelled

Remember the sunlit afternoons, humid and hot
Obliged to take a nap but there’s no problem on that
When I couldn’t, I’d look out the window overlooking a vacant lot
And some random times I’d find myself glancing at your spot

Remember the twilight spent at some place
You came to me and all of a sudden broke into my own space
I went forth to desist looking at your adorable face
But you went after me and caught me in a chase

Remember that night when everything was easy
We talked for hours and not cared about the others, really
You leaned closer and made me breathe barely
You and me were finally we and I couldn’t help but be happy

Remember some other nights when we had it rough
When we felt like giving up and everything just wasn’t enough
But we unceasingly came out  tough
We swept every worry and hurdle in our path with a laugh

Remember that other night in the busy city
Under the beautiful night sky in the hour so early
You walked beside me and held my hand tightly
It was cold and windy but with you I felt summery

There was also a night I can remember precisely
Your eyes were locked on mine deeply
I repeatedly swore I’d hold you forever dearly
And you whispered, “Don’t worry, sweetie, till doomsday you got me.”

But as much as I would like the night to never end
The sun didn’t want the moon, stars and serene darkness to extend
It rose above quickly and it hurt so bad to see it transcend
Hence I woke up that morning being just your old friend.

he knows his way with words
he manages to take me to places
with every conception of sentences he makes

i stay seated on my place
consummately delighting in his utterance
and unknowingly,
i am transferred to somewhere else,
wandering and savoring the destination

no matter how gloomy the day is,
he knows exactly the right words
to lift up my mood and make everything okay

his words are the bandages to my wounds,
the sun glasses when the sun shines so bright,
and the umbrella when the skies cry

his words are all I have now and
i’ll treasure these until he finally
finds his way back to me

until he finds his voice
to speak these words to me
once more

I am jealous
of the sun
for its rays
always give you
hope for a new day.

Of the moon
that gets to
greet you good night
and wish you
sweet dreams.

Of the water
that touches
your face,
your arms,
your body,
and every part of you
that my hands
can’t get a hold of
yet.

Of the heart
that beats life for you
for my heart
does the same too.

when
you said ****
instead of love

my hushed pleas
that remain unnoticed
sorely losing all the hope
that got me holding the end of the rope
that bridged me to you

oh please, oh please
i’m down on my knees
hear me as i beg thee
be again the reason behind my glee

loneliness enveloped me
as my tears found their way to the sea
the sun rose and set
the moon turned full and new
but still, there was no sign of you

i’m at the edge and just one leap
and i’m off to my deepest sleep
oh darling, won’t you be my saving grace
won’t you occupy this empty space
that used to be where my heart is?

don’t rush, love
you’ll get there in time
and i’ll be following you
wherever, whenever, however
just don’t
rush

maybe we’re just two souls
longing to be found
maybe we’re just two persons
wanting another chance

i lay my soggy crest
on my favorite part on his chest
i listen to the rhythmic sound
of our synchronized breathing whirling me around
oh, how i wish i could just lay here
and keep this moment i endear

i lean closer intimately
and feel his heart throbbing invincibly
i count the beats it creates
as for sleep, he awaits
oh, this serenity is priceless
dear, how i wish we were timeless

i close my eyes and delight in
the musing that we’re about to begin
the rest of our lives together
oh, i wish we can always weather
all the storm we’re about to encounter

and then i thought
maybe i’m now found
maybe he’s my another chance

*she lays her head on my chest
and charms me with the smell of lavender
emanating from the strands of her hair
oh, i wish the smell would stay
if she ever decides to run away

she leans closer
and i nearly constrict her
but she doesn’t seem to mind
oh, i’ll always have this moment on rewind
if she ever wills to leave me behind

she closes her eyes
and i wonder where her mind flies
oh, my little angel in disguise
my unparalleled prize
she takes me on my highs
oh, i hope i can bypass my demise
if she finally states her goodbyes

and then i thought
maybe someone else will find her
maybe she’s someone else’s another chance

Kumusta na raw tayo, ang tanong nila
Ewan, malay ko kung kumusta na nga ba
Tayo

Simpleng tanong na hindi ko alam ang sagot
Ano nga bang nangyari sa
“Tayo”?

Inisip ko ang nakaraan
Pinagmasdan bawat pagpatak ng ulan
Hinanap ang kislap
Ngunit tila hindi pa rin sapat
Upang mawari ko ang sagot
Sa tanong na bumabalot
Sa ating mga puso
Na pulos nagbabalatkayo

Kumusta na tayo?
Anong nangyari sa magandang kahapon?
Bakit sa aking muling paglingon,
Ikaw na rin ay nakatalikod?
Hindi ba’t iyong sinabi
Na sa piling ko ika’y mananatili?
Bakit sa bawat paglakad mo
Ikaw ay palayo nang palayo?
Hindi ba may usapan tayo
Na sa akin ka patutungo?
Nasaan na ang mga pangako
Na sinabi **** di mapapako?

Kumusta na tayo?

I am slowly burying myself in dust and bones.
But I want to live.
I sleep in the hollow and wake up with scraped ribs and claw marks all over my body.
But I want to live.
I drown and I inhale oblivion to survive.
But I want to live.
I want to see but I cannot tell the difference when my eyes are sealed shut and open wide.
But I want to live.
My head wobbles from the heartless fall.
But I want to live.

**I want to live.

I want to live.

I want to live.

maybe
i made the walls weak
so you could break them down and sneak

maybe
i shed the thorns along my stem
so you could snugly hold me like a gem

maybe
i took a step closer
so you wouldn’t have to walk farther

maybe
i swam deeper
so we could meet in the middle

maybe
i soared higher
so to crouch, you won’t bother

maybe
i colored the sky blue
so i’d meet yours that’s of different hue

maybe
i made the stars twinkle
so they’ll resemble your eyes that flicker

or maybe
i was deluded
so i couldn’t have this concluded

maybe
i was cheated on
so to your game, i could be the pawn

maybe
i drank a poison
so i could leave the world at dawn

maybe
i ignored the mayday
so with you, i could stay

maybe
you wanted me in pain
so to my whole being, you could reign

maybe
i just had to find a rope
so i could escape with hope

lastly, maybe
i should just stop this
so i could move on to a new bliss

I stopped wearing mascara and eye-liner already.
2. There’s a ball within my gut that is benumbing my insides.
3. I look at my hands and they are trembling.
4. This is bad.
5. I’ve always known how fatal impulsion and indecision are but I never listen to myself.
6. I have my walls up but the dragon is inside, slaying every beauty I fabricated with his gigantic strength.
7. I bring handkerchiefs everywhere I go now.
8. This is bad.
9. I had been given three cards to bring into play in order for me to save myself.
10. I’ve used them all already.
11. This is bad.
12. I’m still trembling.
13. The dragon wouldn’t have been here to slaughter me and my kingdom if I hadn’t invited him in.
14. I hear his words over and over again. They sing melodies of his beautiful promises and endearments. Did I make them up inside my head? Why won’t they stop?
15. A tear left a **** across my cheek. I didn’t wear mascara.
16. It’s dark. Did the light burn out?
17. This is bad.
18. There has been an explosion from my innards. I’m all over the place. My pieces are everywhere.
19. I thought he was a prince. How could the dragon’s disguise look so real? I fixed my gaze at him (or it?) and he (or it) looked so gentle. Why is he (or it) burning my garden with his fire breath that is this cold?
20. I used to not bring handkerchiefs. I always lose them. But I have to now.
21. It’s so dark. I can’t see. Where is the light?
22. I’m lost.
23. This is bad.
24. I don’t need handkerchiefs. The tears are overflowing and they’re making an ocean around me.
25. This ocean is drowning me and I’m slowly reaching the depths of it. Will I ever re-surface?
26. I’m drowning. There’s no more air in my lungs.
27. I see the dragon. It’s hovering over me. Does he also want to wreck this ocean? Like my kingdom was just his warm up?
28. This darkness seems better than the light.
29. I can only be saved thrice. I’ve been saved thrice already.
30. Is this my end?

the moon beamed at you
when you said my name
with your voice, deep and sincere

the stars danced in the night sky
when your eyes, wishful and longing,
held my gaze for a moment that
seemed nothing less than eternity

the world stopped
when your lips curved into a smile
while they were gently touching mine

and the sun never dared to come out
to shatter our dimmed luster
for he knew this was
going to last
forever

whenever our eyes meet
there are sparks that make me believe
we can go anywhere, we can go far
we can soar high and create our own star

there’s nothing i wouldn’t give
to have you close to me and relive
all the days of euphoria and paradise
the life with nothing but your spice

with every single thing i’ve done wrong,
you’re the only one that makes everything right
maybe it’s time to say so long
maybe it’s time to end the fight

It was morning
The sunlight peeped through
My half-closed window
And greeted me with warmth
That was so golden it burnt

The cool breeze from
The night before -
Gone, like I never pulled
My blanket so close to me
As sleep rocked me back and forth

It was morning
And my heart weeped
When I realized that
I was here and
You were there
I missed you -
I tried not to -
But oh ****,
I ached when I was not
Where you were

here’s the part
where i beg you
to not let me
push myself away

i search for your hands
and i find nothing but air
how odd it is to lose something
so precious and loved this early

i look at the mirror and smile
but the girl staring back at me
has chains for her lips
and knots for her heart

i want to fathom what’s blurry
and make crystal out of doubts
but i’m hurting and
sadness won’t let go of me

isn’t it too early
for us to get used to this?
isn’t it too much of a waste
to forget the promises we’ve made?

it’s summer but it feels like
winter beneath my chest
my hands are cold and they're slipping away
please drag me back up if you must

i see the rain like they're my tears
they form flood around me
enough to make me drown
but where are you?

i don’t want to walk away
i don’t want another apology
i don’t want to forget your name
i want you, need you, love you

did you see her last night?
she was beautiful,
magnificent and elegant
she was surrounded by diamonds
that were overcasted by her luminescence
she was the mixture of gold and gray
and i swear you will never see
anyone else rock those hues better than her
she stood idly in a sea of dark clouds
but still, she shone brightly
with the smile like that
of the yet unbroken,
she looked at me -
her eyes concealing the screaming
but hushed words
i wanted to tell her she’s beautiful
but i didn’t
i wanted to look at her
straight in the eyes that had seen my soul,
but i didn’t
i wanted to hang on to her
and feel her breathe,
but i didn’t
i wanted to hold her in my arms
and keep her there for awhile
but i didn’t
i didn’t because
he who embraces the red and the yellow
will pull us apart somehow or another
i didn’t because
i wanted to have something
that won’t fall apart and
leave as the light scintillates the nightsky
but she knew  i was struggling
to keep myself away from her
i’m still struggling
but here i stay
because i know i’ll see her again
my saving grace

She collected the stars
One by one with her delicate hands
Hoarded them in chromatic sacks
Secured with swords and guns

Piece by piece, she held them dear
Embraced a little too tight in her arms
"I’ll keep you here, you don’t have to fear,"
Said the keeper of all the terrifying charms

Sheltered by her vainglory
And surrounded by her avarice
Kindled the stars’ story to end hastily
Along with a single deadly unvied  kiss

The stars did not even wither
There was only their silent demise
But she didn’t even bother
For her next victim, the moon, was locked in her eyes

gigising at muling sasabihin
na kakayanin at tatanggapin
mag-isa ko nga bang haharapin
bigat ng aking damdamin?

iiwanan mo rin ba
ang puso ko na binuhay mo pa
sana di na lang nag-abala
para ngayon ay tanggap ko na

ayoko na, tama na, awat na
pakiusap ko, sinta
malabo na ako'y makabangon pa
kung puso mo sa aki'y magsara

hayaan, iwanan, paalam
palayain sa baging
na ako rin ang naghaing
bitawan, wag sundan, paalam

sa pagsasalubong ng araw at buwan
hindi ko pa rin magawang tumahan
ilang oras na nang ika’y lumisan
pero pagbabalik mo’y patuloy pa ring inaasahan

karapat-dapat bang hintayin
ang pag-ibig na hindi na sa akin?
mananatili pa rin ba akong sabik
sa iyong mga yakap at halik?

sa paglalim ng gabi
tila ang mga bituin ang pumapawi
sa sakit na dulot ng iyong labi
na siyang dahilan ng aking mga hikbi

hindi ba’t ikaw ay nangako
na sa laban na ito’y di ka susuko?
hindi ba’t ikaw ang sumuyo
at sa aki’y noo’y nagsumamo?

sa pagbabalik ng araw
alam kong di na kita matatanaw
ang hiling lamang ay agad malusaw
itong pag-ibig na di mo pinukaw

the wind whispers your name
as it touches my ears
and send thrills
running down my sleeping heart

you wake me up again
and i feel the burst of energy
i’ve concealed for years

then it’s concluded
i need no one else’s but
your saving

coffee stained her teeth
and smoldered her tongue
as she choked on a cupful
in hope that it would somehow
wake every single cell of her body
from the tormenting dreams
that never failed to welcome her
in her every slumber

gust of wind caressed her skin
and lulled her with muffled melody
as she embraced the breeze
that greeted her with relish
as if it understood her undying misery
that she concealed imperfectly
from everyone she knew
desiring that eventually she’d get through

i sipped
water from the cloud
so it won’t rain

i collected
the stars at dawn
so the sun won’t melt
them all away

i exhaled
the cool breeze
so it won’t feel equatorial

but i touched
hearts and everything
became ice cold

i like to listen to the silence of the night
because beneath the deafening stillness
and gruelling vagueness that it holds are
the sound of your breathing that i sync with mine
the chuckles you make when i say a bad joke
the rustle of sweet words you mutter to my ear
the disarming roughness of your voice when you talk

i like to listen to the silence of the night
because its warmth is my brief escape from loneliness
and its noise is calm and inviting
and because for a moment, no matter how quick,
silence takes me to you

Shadows.
In all directions I look,
I am surrounded by shadows
that make it hard for me
to decipher the dissemblance
when my eyes are wide open
and when they are sealed shut.

Darkness hovers over me
like it is fused with the air I am breathing;
suffocating me and making me gasp
for the unseen
that is imperative to keep me subsisting.

It seems that my lungs
turn into two small plastic bags
that need to be refilled
every quarter of a second
regardless of how abysmal
I drag air into my system.

With each breath I take
paralleling each time that passes,
I drift farther and farther away into oblivion.

Maybe this is how it feels
to dispossess yourself
and let the phantom take over
what is left of you.
Maybe this is how it feels
to be lost and remain unsought.

Yet even with treacherous memory I now have,
there is still a fragment that fails to vanish.
It is the fragment that remembers
the glimmer that used to keep the darkness away.

The scintillation that awakened love, hope, and faith
that lounged within me.

The light.

My light.

You.

wipe that smile in reverse off of your face
i am nothing if it weren’t for your stunning rays
forget the lonesomeness, forget, forget
your heart has long been out of the net

smile for me now, darling, please
reward me with your one sweet kiss
have me flying high above the cloud
for it is you who finally have me found

the seas - all of them, in fact - whisper your name
and i see your right hand which i should lay claim
as the skies cry with me tonight
cry joyful tears for i have won the fight

the battle against the chaos who used to be me
vanquished when the light set me free
and my light is you, yes, it’s true
the only answer my heart knows now is you

you made me believe
that it was our
little secret to keep

but then i found out
everyone already knew
that your lips were
like ice cream -
sweet but
doubtlessly
cold

and your taste
lingered on the lips
of every girl you touched

it was never
our little secret
to keep
yet i still
believed

“You are
too idle
to live
yet
too busy
to die.”

I won’t forget his name
On my tongue, it lingers
And stays with the flame
He leaves with the touch of his fingers

A warm peck on my forehead
Ends up giving me shock, widespread
Quick and shallow but it leads us to the bed
And so everything else remains unsaid

Along with his sweet kisses
Come the soft brushes
Of something squishy and fleshy
Deep and heavy

Wherever his lips touch
A breath or two, I try to catch
Will I ever get enough
Or will this soon be another bluff?

please take me back
take me back to the place
where even green grasses
that spike my legs
with its unblunted tip
speak of your presence
where flowers welcome me
as i get within your vicinity
with your breathtaking scent
grazing the parts where
my skin stays unsheltered
where the water that i sip
sways from my lips like waves
thrilled to reach the shore
please take me back
take me back to the place
where i remain a part of you
where love doesn’t wear off
and does only develop
into something bigger than
what my words can epitomize
where my name nests in solitude
in your vocabulary
please take me back
take me back to the place
the place next to you