The garden that grew on my skin the moment you touched me
Is nothing but a sanctuary of wishes that’ll never come true
and of dreams that need forgetting.

The colors I started to see when I first saw you
Are nothing but manifestations of my delusions.

In reality, I’m invisible
And all I see is you.

The nails on my heart
and the hammers and strings that beat it and pull on it
are the mixed signals you’ve been absentmindedly sending

But no, you didn’t mean to hurt me, did you?
Cos you have no idea the way your words sink themselves into my flesh.

*You have no idea.

He fell in love with me, but only temporarily.
He fell in love with me, but it was too late.

I fell in love with him, and it was too quick.
*I fell in love with him, and he’ll never know.

Standing on the edge
hanging by a thread
on tiptoes
blindfolded.
Just how far will you go
to get what you really want?

Is it coffee
or *****
or you
that’s keeping me awake
at 5 am?
Maybe it’s the mix of all three.

"Oh" was all I was able to say
when you called my name.
And trust me,
I’m the person who never runs out of words
But here you are
Smile, stance, wits
Machismo
Bravado
And here I am
Tiny, vulnerable, awestruck
Beaming
Yours.

Maybe I don’t love you
As much as I think I do
Maybe I’ve just invested too much
So many nights;
Countless hours wasted thinking of you
That I’ve turned Liking you
Into obsessing on the impossibility
That you would like me, too.

Because how could you not,
Right?

Tomorrow,
or in a few hours actually,
I’ll wake up to another day
Ebbing and flowing
In the routines I’ve set for myself.

I can do better than this,
I said the other week.

But look at me
And where I stand.
It’s the same fragile ground
I’ve been balancing my feet on
Since the day I said,
I’m leaving.

I deserve better than this.