I confess, I'm a victim of my own contradictions
I tell people to open they ears, when I barely ever listen
I rarely speak polite than go and say ask permission
And I'm always indecisive then go and say "make a decision"
I got demons, ones that prey on ya and attempt to cause havoc
Since I could touch the ground, I've been a walking born savage
My overpowering ways make BELIEVE anything I want I should have it.
The hardest part for me is to allow my heart to be free
When I believed I was leader, but leaders never flee
I know ya got questions about this simple message,
I should do better for my brother, stop making him so defensive
Show my two sisters a better man, one who's brave and comprehensive
And shows interest in your meaning so when you speak he is attentive
I apologize to my mama, when I bring you all the drama
And look at you as weak when you really gave me the armor
And showed me all the strength
And how impossible is really blank
And how happiness is more fulfilling than all the money in the bank
Let me talk you too, the person who looks at me as see through.
I'm not a prodigy, I'm a human and sometimes I just want you to ask me "How are thinks dude?" Listen to me and see me for more than just your business mistake...I broke the first car ride but overtime I grew strong. Pain can make you rise from the drops and allow you to handle the pressure and anything else it may take.

Then they ask if you're crazy?
hell yeah, Well, maybe..
Took a few shots to the chest but passion came in and resuscitated me.
I got this vibe, guess we all need a feeling, Maybe it was my angel's touch that finally got me healing...Maybe I'm built for disaster? Maybe I speak upon an forgiven matter? I keep trying to reachout, could it be this short ladder? Picture the moment you thought you found what it is you've been looking for...but how can you live a fulfilled life if you're morally poor?

My dear friends, was really good?
I know I come off misunderstood
I got some things on my chest I need to say if I could
Some of ya come off different, some others a lil distant, at times I don't wanna say stuff to you cause I'm afraid and slightly resistant
I have all the love for you and upmost respect, I just need ya to know the past the past, I have no regrets
I've slightly felt like an outsider and sometimes I will regress
And when I give you my all, it never feels like my best
I haven't been the greatest friend
So lets not play pretend, I apologize for that and hope that we can make amends. Imma stick with you homies from now till the end
This next is to my father, Who taught everything but not...sometimes I see you in my reflection, and wish the nightmares would just stop
One minute ill be cool, triggered, instantly I turn hot
This why I haven't had a relationship since the love of my life, called it quits and put it to a stop...
Too a way I've always been with women, family and friends
22 suicide letters to my angel I have sent
Never thought I applied to rules that's why my mind is all bent
This ignorant thinking, got me shrinking, so imma use confession to finally vent
I say "imma be a star" but doubt it 99 percent...feel I work so hard but barely put in what I get.
Sometimes I sleep on a dream wake up and say it's near, when the truth is I'm a little boy who still hides behind his fears.
I've heard I have so much drive but can barely turn, barely steer.
Crazy how your visual thinking isn't what it appears.

Use to worry about the views and worry about the follows
Now I'm tryna to share dark stories that could make the devil gulp and swallow
Cause the factor of my life is I never played nice
I choose to beat you all down with my temper and spite
I barely know what I do wrong and never see my rights
I love sitting in the dark, my soul is kinda afraid of the light
I'm sorry for my ways, I'm sorry for the older days, I'm sorry that I've changed, I'm sorry for my inconsistent phase
I'm sorry that I've been lost, I'm sorry I labeled all of you as a cost
I'm sorry my heart is an icebox and I pump blood made of frost.
I'm trying to practice what I preach, and learn what I teach.
In sorry to my grandfather I'll make it up to you when we meet.
So I guess it's true, that your experiences are your greatest lessons..I just had to let ya know...
These here are my final words and greatest confessions.

-Dougie simps

Assuming thoughts plus aimless dialogue multiplied by unintelligence equals shattered integrity rounded by endless pride.*
-Dougie Simps

It's 2 am still not home
I know she hates sleepin alone
callin my phone
I don't reply
Brainstorming up, another lie
So much to hide
Never found
My minds blank, heart pounds
I hear the sounds
Of war
Love battlefield with who I love as I adore
Knees hit the floor
Drugs just hit
Do I get up?
Or do I quit?
These four walls moving in quick
Stomachs sick
Why can't I Handle this!?
An addicts mind
Creates u to be blind
Pills workin fast
Running out of time
(footsteps down the stairs)
Here she comes
To only see
The man she loved
Or....what use to be
Swore I thought she was a sleep
Dying slow
My heart deceits
Faking the truth
To console me
She touches me
Hugs me
Whispers that
She loves me
I tell her wait
Hesitate
Feel the rush of novacane
Bodies numb, Pulse cold
Lost our bond
Where did It go?!
Heart beatin faster
Close to my disaster
This fairy tale
has no Happily ever after
Eyes slowly shut
Before I leave
Her cryin face, Is what I see.
My final words to her were
Don't touch me.
In heaven I cry
Wish I could change time
Can't believe that I actually
*died by a lie.

I don't hangout with normal people, they do not see me as their equal,
I'm a strange, deranged mind who to them represents evil...
A pigeon who needs to be fed or fed on by an eagle
I guess your rough perceptions, and strong question never really did ever make for a sequel.
So lets end your story, poetic hunters feigning for glory...
Who cut our words short, adjectives, ****** and gory
And my complex thinking, they simply ignore me!
But they'll cause an action as soon as their pockets scream "poor me!"
I wonder if we're heading for a direction that we were in before me?

Turn a skeptic into a believer..
Turn a failure into a achiever..
Turn a group of hopeless followers into brave and bold leaders
Approach a woman with caution
She just may be a deceiver
Who prays on naive men, rips their hearts out and then mentally eats em!
Take life 12 rounds, don't let the knockout beat ya
Be your own star, don't settle for someone else's feature

I tend to over-think
What most of society thinks
I also sometimes wonder
If they'd help me if I ever sink?
I can't be to concerned
Disaster strikes in a blink
Learn to survive, too stay alive
If you wanna avoid jumping off the plank.

Ready to finish this song off
With a mind that is usually wrote off
Cause I think of society as a place where, media rules and we're all a cost
Breathing in fresh exhaust
While feeling the burn of the world's frost
Leaving the good people, hurt, in a daze and just all lost
My hands are bleeding freedom as I pray and hope for freedom
Locked up as a poetic peasant
Stuck in a mindless kingdom...

Where the bad outweighs the good
Hunting on poetic thinking
Cause poetic minds are targeted and never understood!

-Dougie Simps

Lyrically it's a miracle event
When you allow metaphors to be your way to express, ways too vent.
Take all my accounts, even my two cents
As I place a love restraining order over a love I regret

I take all bets, and gamble on her  soul
The blackness of your heart, with a mind who thinks so cold

What happen? You use to be a person who's pride wasn't too hide
I guess ya ego committed a ******, an internal homicide...

You prey on the weak, you endure for the burn
You preach a sorrow story, you rarely give what you've earned

I will always pray for you
But I will never wait for you...
Cause it's future over past
I will never beg for you.

-Dougie Simps

It's been on your mind
You cringe from the thought of it
But you have been a victim...
A victim
Of wanting to do what you fear most,
******.
It's hated, controversial, and sinful
But everyone's has had it cross their mind
Everyone has thought
******.
-Dougie Simps

Dear father*
Let me start my hatred for you must end now and begone
If it wasn't for your horrible ways this man today I would've never become
Nothing's wrong
I developed the ability to convert anger into beautiful songs
I'll never forgive you for what you've done
I'm just glad that you're gone
It's been so long
Since the last time ya seen ya boy
I'm a whole lot more outgoing now
Gave up on being koi
Eye contact with people I tend to still avoid but
I inspire the world now
Less hate and more joy
And I'm a strong man too
No longer a scared lil boy!

Father why!? Why the ******* create this hurt inside?
Why the ******* teach me how to run but never how to ride?
Why you make me cry?!
Why!!?
Do you understand the pain and anger you ******* put me through?
Do you know how it feels to look in the mirror and hate the other half of you!?
Butter knife thoughts is something nobody ever knew
Turned me into a insecure weak boy that everybody can see through!
The misery of a young confused beatdown child
Who covered his face with a mask and put up a fake smile
Who's soul is tame less and heart so wild
who ignores his good side so he blocks it with denial
Through my life I ****** up and poured out a lot of tears
Used liquor to heal my pain and replaced my blood with light beers.
Working hard to better myself but
becoming you is still my biggest fear!

I told my mother the past is gone and the good life is now in our sights
Told her imma fly us there so mama please hold on tight
Because you can be stuck in the dark for so long and feel you'll never see the light
I believe we can survive anything
You just need to believe in you and always prepare to fight!
Allow my story to strengthen you when you feel you have no might
We gotta climb the highest mountains when we say we afraid of heights!

So dear father I'm not you, you was just a part of my creation
At times I swear you aren't real just a figment of my imagination
No more frustration!
Nor Pretending, Anyone can survive hard times that's just the message that I am sending
The end is never close it always just the beginning, We're all winning!
So I know my journey has just begun!
Mom and I  are doing fine now and we're living well.
Oh yeah....P.s your only son

-Dougie simps

(Train Leaving)*
After 23 years, I finally stepped up to the mic...
Exposed my hidden messages of a pad that holds my life...
Speaking all about my problems,
and how I tend to solve em...
a past that shows a little boy who resents the reflection of his father.
Some would call me crazy, others maybe weird..but I can't listen to your judgement since honesty is what makes things clear...I separate myself...seems alone time helps me most...a solo mind with his thoughts
Helps him write his best quotes...
An odd type of man who lives for the excitement of gods plan,
Was once a young kid, who felt the cold life in his hands...
Speaking wit permission
Causes society not to listen..
But if I create a work of art..
Will society potentially be a witness?
will they believe everything they hear on a deceiving television? (Idk)
I just Give love to the hated...
Humble down the overrated...
Bring back spirit into the potential...
Send a prayer to the outdated...*
Allow the thought of a good heart
To bring happiness and true belief
Give a helping hand to the fallen..
Don't treat others as if they are beneath..
A black pen can send a message and open up so many possibilities..
Is society truly crazy? Or do we need to learn how to embrace the little things?
Unleash a humans true ability to become "non ignorant" and turn hostility into tranquility.
I still stay prayed up, and believe in the good of humanity
I see change in faces, a flower blooming in a *** full of insanity,
And if I couldn't move, I ask...would you stop and carry me? Or would you let me die and leave me here alone?
This here is my first train of thought...and my last ride home.

- Dougie simps #lostlove
#SecretMessage

Love is her kiss
Beauty is her simplicity
Genuineness is her gift
Elegance is her walk
Weakness is her perfume scent
Intelligence is her passion
Confidence is her smile
Fragile is her eyes
Strength is her heart
Longevity is her trust
Fear is her pride
Amazing is her flaws
Perfection is...is her.

But who wants perfect? When she is..the best thing I never knew I needed. *
-Dougie Simps

I am*…
A beat without a sound
A stray without a pound
A flower without the ground
A person without the noun
A girl who believes in men
A writer without a pen
A solider who's off to battle, without a country to defend
A moment without a stage
A book without a page
A innocent man who's on the run without a cop to start the chase
A verdict without a case
A puzzle without the maze
A smile of given defeat, without the sour face
Water without the vase
A crime without the trace
Blood that doesn't stain
A scar without the pain
Circus lion who isn't tamed
A man who's in the mirror...without looking the same
A color that's black and white
A blind man who can read and write
An image of your sunny day...that's an illusion of your figment night...

But wait!
I've come to an conclusion...

Im An ill mind not willing to listen, who's thoughts are reminiscing..about a past life when the good rules and his golden heart wasn't missing....even without his illusions...but I walk in a realist dream?...Is this life really...all an illusion?
-Dougie Simp #LostLoveWriter

Could you imagine if we lived in a world where we never discriminate?
The word ****** would be a myth, People were open minded and great!
It hard to talk to one another, when rarely we relate,
Judging one another because of the pigment on another persons face
This life is sucha disgrace
I'm sure it wasn't gods plan...
To belittle all our women...
Give power to a weak man...
To **** with no remorse...
Start an idea called divorce...
To conceive without love,
That virally spreads thru *******
And To pray without meaning
Ask god to approve your selfish dreaming...
While the broken hearted child, recovers from internal bleeding,
Society, I am pleading
We gotta resort to a change...
We gotta help one another,
But you can't help AND inflict pain
Questioning all my thoughts,
Skeptical on my wishes,
Because angels are cleaning dishes now all in hells kitchen,
No point of leaders voice, if no one cares to listen...of loyalty, when integrity is morally...missing
And if the world comes to an end...I just hope im not a witness
Crazy how America represents the eagle!
Yet we are treated like pigeons.
Brainwashed by the "govt" seems nowadays to be a given..
Can I be a good man?
Or a brilliant musician?
Can I follow my own heart?
Wait, do I really need to ask permission?
Do I!?....I don't know. But these modern day issues all seem to think so.

-Dougie simps #LostLoveWriters

******* with a bad grl?,
Consider it a fatality,
Seems good girls gon bad
Whatever happen to originality?
It's a tragedy,
Brights spots in a shadow life just ain't happening, keep rappin then,
Express stress fractured thoughts through a hollow pen...just to simply vent, and offer vacant space in a mind up for rent, let me repent, while I'm face to face with an angel who's apparently heaven sent,
With angel wings...the irony of it, is she does devilish things...That's what life brings.
You ask, Doug will it ever change?
Well, a woman's lips produce love, while venom pumps thru her fangs, and her beauty has you in chains, her ***, injects, complication into your veins...and the truth of it all is that men also do the same..
Stuck in a vicious cycle, opposites acting so spiteful
Will it ever change? Nah...
Not if we keep implementing love as a payback rifle. (Bang!)
- No disrespect,  just tryin to be insightful.
- Dougie simps

the bass hits, the drum rolls
Being a victim of a spilt decision of a racial war at 10 years old
Was never told, a way to be, but my fathers legacy, made me look at one side painfully cold
Wide awake, as I lay my head
On the belief my kind is dead
The proper stereotype of a white kid
But the preference to black kids outfit
Putin on a show, to simply fit in
Not knowin were the **** I should of truly been
The constant pain of feelin like ****
A young man who is confusingly mixed...
...
I see a star who shines bright, in a darken night,
Did you know, not all stars shine white?
They're shades of black, just remember that...why couldn't I see this logic way back?
Another poser, who's addicted to rap..
"Ya not black" like what kind of stupid **** is that?
You speak a way, but was always consider white
Do you see the mixed feeling? ******* mixed signs!?
Why can't ya accept me for just me?
Why can't ya just learn to love me?
Why who I am means I have act a certain way!?
that kinda **** makes me doubt people everyday!
My verses struggle with a troubled hook!
Can you see me now? Have you even looked?
A black father, who showed me fear
A white mother, who's voice I hear!
Another song, sharing my lies!
Another fight, with my dark side!
When will ya get it and just put this **** to rest? You judge so much, make it hard to be my best
Your words are a bullet! Penetratin my chest, I done clean up my act but you keep making another mess
I'm tired of trying to please you, tired of trying to defeat you
Ya minds are so glassy, it obvious to see through. *******, be gone! Stop and please carry on! Fly away! Take a trip don't tell me when ya landin
You all pushed me so much...........yet I'm still standin...standin...standin....but I will be gone, soon.

Who am I?*
Not sure..
I ask myself daily
Want to win so bad I lose focus and
End up failing
Comin up short and I know the
Road is just so long
Lost sanity as a child
Guess my mind has been so gone
I'm wrong,  you right
I finally get a grip and understand
Drawing up a blueprint
Yet no one understands my plans
What else is there to accomplish?
The stresses of a driven man
Friends are temporary but forever is god music and my fam
God called I didn't pick up so he left a message
Told me to purify my heart, treat others with respect and stop being so aggressive
It Felt like religion class except I actually understood this lesson...the people in my life who lend out advice are more then just a blessing.
Thank you haters for all the hate
The fake woman who I thought it was faith
And my illusions that make up my dreams And this peaceful world it allows me to create
I wanna tell my angel to keep following me, never let the devil take over in what I believe
and show the strength Jesus endured when thy made our savior bleed
and don't ever let me fall down...never...not even on my knees
Heal the world of all the anger and murderous disease
And stop society quickly, for slowly they are making our world decease
Allow the thought of prayer in peoples mind to increase
And watch my every step please don't stop looking over me.
and help me spread love from sea to shining sea..
And help me find a woman wholl love me and promise she won't leave,
Unlock my heart with the key and set my tameless soul free..
Too the Father, son, the holy spirt I beg you lord ..amen ..this is my finally plea.
Forgive me for all my sins
And please don't give up on me.
For without your power is like no air i just couldnt breath.
Allow my body to be one with the earth just don't send me far beneath...
Lift me up with the stars, allow me to fly the world under my feet.
You tell me to follow the signs but there so many different roads so many different streets
I'm terrified to choose wrong. Angel, but with you alongside I shall not fear defeat.
this man in the mirror is the only person I ever known the only person in who I need to learn to beat

-Dougie simps

He wakes up at seven but doesn't go in until eleven
Daily routine is to brush his teeth, get dressed and visits the house of heaven....funny cause his spiritual insight wasn't always so pure and right, at one point he followed the wrong path and he and god were in a fight...turned to his dark side, never the light, dropped all good people that came into his life...He chose to do bad and hang out late at night...this man was a sinner, a veteran, no beginner, he was struck a cold heart...neighbors said he was bitter, followed the wrong people, once ambitious now a quitter, this man became violent, then became a hitter.......
Stacy went out with her friends following a lie, knew she had no choice otherwise she could die...her friends hugged and kissed her only to notice she had cried...her one friend asked "stace, what the hell happen to ya eye?!...she said that she fell, yet following up another lie...Stacy was blinded by physical love so it was easy to deny...black and blue bruises up and down her thigh, as her friends asked one question and that was "why the hell you still with this guy!?" going back to that man who we find ina funk...watery eyes and blurred vision only means he's drunk...callin up Stacy to see where she gone at? She picked up and said she stepped out and would be right back. He lost his cool and in an instance snapped saying terrible things like she was a " worthless *****" and a "good for nothing piece of crap!"....something come over Stacy she couldn't take it and finally screamed back! He said "are you serious!? If you were a man...I'd be done! a ****** rap!, ya sharp tongue will only get you hurt and ******* slapped!" (hang up)
Stacy broke down...said goodbye to her friends and stormed out, feeling life's pressure of pain at its highest amount...
She closed her eyes, reached for the sky, and screamed "GOD! I'd rather die!"
"I can't take it" her hands shakin she needs to find a way! she needed strength given to her in the worst way...she glanced down at the water to see her reflection...looked at her eye and said "when the hell will I learn my lesson!?" she said "right now! I'm getting out! It's time to plant a new seed and watch new life sprout! shes ready to bloom, she can feel it coming soon...says it time to over come my fear and make a move...her phone rings and it's the same man, she looked at the ID, closed her eyes and pressed END...got back up dropped the phone only to never see it again...the man located stacy's phone, only to see his missed messages and voicemail tone, he now gets it...Stacy finally got smart, he stared at the phone and the mans sadness over came his black heart...a sharp object feeling in his chest like a shooting dart, and said "time to change and time to restart"...till this day the man has her dead phone...10years later and he is still alone, works a simple job with an empty home and with one flower he planted a year ago, that has never bloomed, he uses these symbols as a lesson to understand..that he's done a lot of wrong in his life as an evil man...now hoping for forgiveness he started to follow faith...hoping to cleanse his whole body of drugs & past hate...when he gets home he sits at his computer and logs onto Facebook, searching Stacy's name to see how she lives now and then for a simple look...but couldn't find her for anything
No matter what it took. A month has past and the man decides to check one last...sure enough a message in the inbox called "blast from the past" it was Stacy years later writing " dear man I could never forgive, I found you before you found me but blocked you because of what you did...simple info now I'm happily married, a CEO with four kids and I hate you with everything in me and that's just how it is..I see my scars everyday from all your hits and my final question to you unforgiven man is...has karma been near? And have you been through what I was? Living life in fear!? These questions aren't for a response, just for you to think on..I pray for you and let god take you on, Goodbye and so long"..and like that stacy was forever gone...
the man cried, broke down and couldn't believe what he put her through, knowing the past was gone and history he couldn't ever redo. Wrote her back a message heading "one last sorry to you, knew it meant nothing he still typed "P.S .....I will always love you, my sins are unforgivable and for that my heart will always stay black...I got diagnosed with cancer now...so I guess...god has got me back. I only have a couple months to live so that is that...I'm so sorry Stacy...glad to see your doing well, goodbye and hope before time is up you write back"

Life makes the puzzles pieces come together and always has a plan, for Stacy it was painless freedom...and a lonely death for the "Unforgiving Man"
-Dougie simps
#LostLove