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221 · May 2017
have your revenge
in a city so cruel and lifeless,
that all true hearts try to stop,
there are so many restless ghosts,
and this story's 'bout one of those.

and that ghost wearing always grey,
he'd come around and save bullied kids,
would help them run away from their threat,
"don't thank, just have your revenge" he'd say.

so many kids he saved, but were puzzled,
and then they came together all to search,
they did for long when finally found a boy,
oh man, he almost never smiled, always sad.

and only then understood what meant that words.
and so they did, they had their revenge:
they saved him, took away and made him wanna live.
and thus, they granted him with freedom he needed.
My brothers are no gentlemen,
But they are nothing if not gentle,
See, if you love us  we will be
The rains you’re calling suns,
But if you preach we will misquote you mental.
216 · Oct 2016
Don't you
Don't you lie
Cause you're a liar so poor
Don't you stay double-edged
Now,I'll know the truth  anyway
The one that your eyes give away
Don't you call my name
Know, that I am gone for good
Don't  you
I'm so tried of promises never granted
And words forever and ever forgotten
Therefore  forget me once and for all
I'm in pain, figures you've reached your goal
216 · May 2017
insecurity
don't wanna dream of friendship
for such w thing won't happen to me.
don't wanna hear 'bout a place safe
for light is always comes with darkness.

just gonna think of revolution
one it's going to happen no in vain.
just gonna sing of freedom,
and that she'll come my way one day.

but i won't let the despair take me.
i'm used to it way to much, calm down.
but i won't have this summer burn me.
i'll live from rain till rain to rain, embracing.
215 · Feb 2017
From hell
Can you hear that song?
It's coming from hell,
Right where you've sent me.
It's sounding to proof me alive.

You told me it was for my best.
And I can feel the pain
you never mentioned.
I wonder if it was on purpose.

You told it was heaven,
Well I can see  some talentless
Illusions and devils and angels
Who are all dressed alike.

And now you can my voice,
It sings a weird wild song.
I sing 'cause I can stand the pain
And aI can still live and breath.
214 · Oct 2017
One problem, four answers
Wind

I ll stand, i ll hold on to life.
Till the last of my breaths i ll fight.
Let me race against death.
Check my pulse and see me around.

Earth

I shall embrace, that’s how i was, am and will.
You know my friends and they know me.
Doors not open. Roads not taken. I wouldn’t care.
Love this life, be it somewhat unfair.

Fire
I am normal, hear me roar this morning.
My brother’s brothers, a son to my father.
But don’t you notice my hands, i am fine.
I shall do what I can’t, you shall see.

Water

I will prove my worth , I shall challenge this world.
I shall love I shall hate, Let me open the gate.
I ll find my perfect, reach my high.
Let luck split the world, we shall see where to fly.
Wanna hear the thoughts of yours so bad
211 · Aug 2018
Mess
Am I worth the space I take up, and the portion of air I pollute, am I freaking worth?
Because I know that anyone read this mess is worth, I’m quite sure there’s someone who wants to be them and wants to stay in touch, and who doesn’t wanna wake up if the person who’s reading is the waker.
And, heck yeah, I believe one’s existence is justified by someone else’s love or affection or something like that, something sweet and similar to blessing, always hand in hand with jealousy and some pain. And, yes, jealousy plus something equals affection, which in turn equals worth and justifies existence. Period.
Jokes aside: am I freaking worth the space I take up? Well, for I know there is a painter who angry with only hanging out with a musician not caring for painter’s feelings, well if that’s jealousy my existence’s kinda justified, for jealousy equals love. Period. Or if it’s not jealousy, if jealousy is when you ask you can hardly without to answer your messages for once and being angry doesn’t, if it’s the latter I might very well be a waste, or am I not. Wich is it?
Oh, sorry, told you, mess.
210 · Oct 2016
run away
i gonna run away
from black city
so far away
for liberty
the city ecoes with pain
aluding to it is in vain
but i'll never cry
gonna far away fly
burn all of tears
forget all the fears
i'll live before dawn
laugh so much and be gone.
let me know of the mistakes i've done please
Wake up to being terrified:
This day puts an end to all restrictions and all laws,
Sit up and join in the greatest joys,
For from now on for that reason Earth knows no wars.
Get drunk with me,
Get drunk on Earl ****** Grey,
No hate, no glory,
Flags are roting into gray
205 · Jan 2017
Talking in the dark
Night's fallen at the camp
We are staying in the dorm.
Come meet us in our room
Reach crawling for our door.

Now get rid of the mask
Don't you know it is a chain.
Be free under the moon
Fill the heart beat again.

So let's be free tonight
As nobody's ever aloud.
Let's laugh, play, talk
So long, so sweet, so loud.

Let's talk about hidden gems
We found, they are so beautifully strange.
They showed  themselves to us
So now we keep the secret in exchange.

And then we play around
Hold on, I'll find the deck.
Lady Luck shall help me,
Don't hold your cards back.

So here we are right now
Past midnight talking in the dark.
I feel so fine, so great out here
You've given me the life's spark
Thanks so much, O. & M.!!
205 · Oct 2017
The ones
Let me bother you for a moment.
Does anyone wish good night?
Let me look in your restless eyes.
Does anyone wake you up?

And if they do, let me ask you,
If it’s still by any means all right.
Are they the ones you want to hear in the morning?
Are they the ones you want to close your eyes beside?
201 · Mar 2017
Trust me
When nothing is wrong at all,
There is something wrong for sure.
199 · May 2017
His name is Zahar
Bold head.
Grey clothes.
Silent steps.
Don't be scared.
He might come to your dreams.
And when he does, he'll mark your body.
That mark would be a hex and triangles.
You are not the only one he came to.
Wise words.
Strange games.
Full trust.
Mysterious expressions.
He'll to all daydreamers in this city.
He will be one of your demons if have such.
he cares about feelings, nothing else.
Although he is curious to much.
Old wheelchair.
Electronic book.
Worthless body.
Woolen plaid.
That's their is in real world somewhere in streets.
But find him there cooperating with the other marked.
Come help if ya can, yet no the Zahar never begs.
And when you do, move him elsewhere and abandon.
  From there he ll come again...
Just a scary poem...
195 · Oct 2017
She
She
She is beautiful being,
She’s hiding in this loving dark
She sings plays piano, smiling .
And she lets winds inside her house.

Black lace skirt that reaches floor.
Grass eyes, grey hair and “the red Moscow”.
A heart of gold, a mind of ice.
A crimson sweater over that all.

Black kitty’s wandering the place.
There are dead flowers in a vase.
You think she is in pain, well it’s the case.
She’s weaving wreaths now with a sad face.
192 · Oct 2017
Outlaw
Be your self, love your self.
Get away with it.
Give hug to your friend.
Get away with it.

Steal some kisses, say some truth.
Just don’t get caught.
Ride a train dancing in headphones.
Just don’t get caught.

Be my torch in this sunny darkness.
Bad and young.
Get astray on your homeward way.
Bad and young.

Miss their good nights tonight.
Sadness is your sentence.
Love someone who can’t be near.
Sadness is your sentence.
191 · Aug 2017
people
i try to live it through.
but i will never belong.
among those people,
how do i manage to last so long?

i try to run away.
but every single folk is the same.
all they say is rude and lies.
they only care about blood and fame.

i try to hide now in the woods.
but to interact is humans' fate.
now i can see that it is all no use.
perhaps myself is whom i hate.
191 · Nov 2016
We are
Yes, we are the rogues,
To nobody dear,
By nobody loved.

Yes, we are strangers.
Seeking for what does not exist.
Waiting for what holds no good.

And no, we are hopeless,
We never trust people
We never  follow the crowd .

And no, we don't need you.
Tired of you talking nonsense
Afraid of you telling lies.

Yet, we still have something
We are artists beyond any rules
We are dreamer with out a sleep.

Yet, we just take our time.
There is a place for us somewhere
The is a chance we might win someday.

So what, we are different
Riddles are the language we speak.
Coldness is the bless we desire.

So what, we are madmen.
You ain't getting a clue 'bout what we think.
You ain't taking us there, to a reality of yours.
186 · Mar 2017
year
i only live this year for sure
none shall tell my fortune further.
i gonna live through with passion,
but i won't try guessing what's ahead.
maybe it would way way worse,
or maybe i'll witness a revolution.
maybe sun will slay me with it's fire,
and maybe it will guard me with it's light.
therefore i go ahead holding onto no hope.
i gonna live just for a year for sure.
but there is no way telling what's beyond...
185 · Dec 2016
Untitled
Know that
We are brothers  and sisters
With no blood involved.
And tonight
We are lovers and dreamers
By no one controlled.
185 · Sep 2017
Queen Al
she was so honored, she was so loved,
but Al's heart was so low..
she was the icon, the legend, the queen.
but she'd never go with the flow.

she didn't need no fame,
what of it, if her friends aren't watching.
one day Al disappeared for years;
and then found...she was frightening.

turns out, she'd left her palace
in search of her beloved old friends.
but found out they were thieves now,
and queen discovered happiness in some dark ends.
184 · Mar 2019
Untitled
Залишусь ліпше кроликом з «Аліси...»,
Щоб коли ти мене знов встрінеш,
Мій нерівний крок тобі почувся,
Мій свавільний оклик тебе зупинив,
Час норовом  невірним повертать любов.

It would be safer to remain the rabbit from the “Alice..”,
So that when you meet me yet again,
You hear that uneven step of mine,
And my reckless greeting stops you in your tracks.
It’s time to win back love with my bad temper.
181 · May 2017
just
just wanna call you.
and there is no reason.
cause i just miss you...
i m so lonely without you.

if i had courage
your phone would have rang
at midnight months ago.
but i am coward.

if there was an excuse
but there is just a wish of madman...
and in the end we're strangers,
theu sag it's over after king's night

and yet i want to,
so i shall be searching for that brovado of mine
i ll calll tou right then late night.
yet for now just dreaming about you is fine...
180 · Jan 2017
Strange love
I love'em
Characters who
Don't even exist.
Those imagined
By a genius
A piece of script.

I dream
Of them having
Twins back here.
I seek for
Someone's dream
That has come true.

I know
There is Someone
Even better out here.
And I'm in love
With them once
I see them alive.
170 · Mar 2017
Spark
I seek for it all the time,
I walk the roads looking.
Searching for a spark
The will reanimate me.

That one spark would be
The reason I live on
The prize I fight for
The music of my heart.

And no, that's not love,
I  wanna hurt myself no more.
And no, that's not hatred,
I've plenty of it for sure.

It's just a dream,
Someone else distant land,
Where I could stay forever,
There I would find my place.

It's just an idea,
A sacred treasure of wind's.
That could care about in peace.
That I could bring to life with a wish.

So won't you give me a spark,
I swear my freedom I'll defend.
I will transform into my breath,
So it can guide through the summer pain.
Geez, no time to even create some poems.
Sorry, m'fellows
160 · Dec 2016
Over
This society is takes away all I have from me,
I know I'm a rogue but it's not how it should.

My identity is gone, something where I'm not alone.
Where there was something I meant . Where I even shone.

My rhythm is broken. And I'm not regaining it later or now.
I used to dance with no trouble. Yet today I don't know how.

And my hope is over. I will not again trust or fall in a love.
This is it. Low clouds is my limit. I'm never rising above.

And my breath is stolen. It was my way to go and express myself.
Yet it all has crashen down. I don't need any dreams. Only void is left.

But I live alone. Still alive and still standing so tall.
As I sit by the window to hear the rebellion's call.
**** this world. Take me away from here.
155 · Jul 2018
It is
And it is dumb of me to call you
Just to hear  your voice.
And it is lovely of you to answer me
With a generously happy tone.
And it is egostic of me not to let you be
Even though it’d bo the right choice.
And it is strange of you not to ignore me
As if you never wanted me gone.
154 · Jan 2019
Loud rain (a 2 am fantasy)
Let me call you brother,
Since you treat me like a child.
Look down beside your feet,
Black water streams are running wild.

It’s loud rain, oh brother,
Thank god we ve been sitting under this tree.
Don’t run so fast, let me catch up,
The sky’s so bright with all the lightnings setting themselves free.

The streets are empty, all men are gone,
And we’re the only ones outside, we laugh on our way.
The crossing, all cars wait with red light on their backs,
The restaurants we pass are empty, reflected in the puddles on our way.

You run inside that mall,wait for me enter,
Inside it smells like sea side ruins.
You point to a cafe, we go there, our coats smell like rain.
Oh, don’t you dare, I’ll pay, just help count the coins.

The cafe’s bright, barista smiles as we choose
Two drinks, that do not match.
The rain keeps on, keep up,
You say “ I love the sound”, but you don’t like the wind that much.

The place is empty, but we do not stay,
We roam the mall like it’s a maze.
The loud rain’s a lullaby, but we don’t sleep,
We talk, while lightings try to set it all ablaze.
Trying to get back to my bad poetry’s roots.
151 · Feb 2019
Home the spirit
Myself, I search for someone to hide amongst,  to hide inside.
For those not so wierd people who’d welcome in a wierdo.

And those people, when I find them, feel like tiny chambers haunted by Home,
Home the spirit, with their androgynous appearance and their kinda insane eyes.

And it’s so safe wether we’re madmen everyone mistakes for junkies, or
we’re flamboyant kids in a far right camp.
But something always happens to the chamber, all of them are ruins now.

That’s all because somebody’s moved away, and someone’s passed away,
Or someone don’t like his awesome brothers, and they tell me they hate each other,
           while I want them to love.

So what I wanna say is I met you the other day, it felt almost too cool.
The warmth was there, our laughs were there... and Home the spirit’s grave.

It wasn’t scary, I’ve only noticed it when I had put this memory of ours on repeat.
From right to left: it’s garage, road, sidewalk, two of us, and safety lying in a pit.
150 · Sep 2019
Untitled
Full moon is now gold,
As are lines on the river.
Blue hour is too short.
I am not alone but lonely,
Yet I wanna be
Not lonly but alone.

My dear teacher’s left for Peking,
And another for Seul,
Now no one’s here to guide me, my heart’s gone.
My friend’s left for Peking,
My lover’s almost always busy.
Tokyo, now you are not home.

Sakuras are now all in bloom.
All people go to see them, every one takes selfies.
My phone’s feed’s overflowing with their bloom.
I play flute and I write haikus in my native language,
But not a line, not a note did I get out of my self about the bloom.

And now In my home,
I don’t have room of my own own,
And grandma’s tv is far to loud unless it’s mute.
Help me, please, please let me put a futon
underneath tatami,
Please let me beneneath the floar,
And let me break my flute.

When get out home, I scream in parks’ directiona,
“Wait for me to get better, you ******* Sakuras, don’t bloom”
I am now 17, I wanna die before I’m 50,
Don’t wanna waste a single season.
But I am a sick man a I cursse in front of elders,
And scream (people can hear me) “Sakuras, don’t bloom”.
They say curiosity killed the cat. Well, let it **** him as many times as it wants to. As usual cats’ got nine of those, and the dark-furred wierdo over here has way more. ‘Cause apparently he obtains one every time his heart gets stolen by some strangers, and that ugly thing’s been switching owners a lot lately... anyways, he’s off to some side streets this afternoon, so I guess he’s not gonna home on time once again, go catch him, if ya want, it’s not like i care. Bye now, gotta go, trace some trails.
139 · Jul 2018
Send ghosts to me (prayer)
Oh,moon,
Send ghosts to  me,
Of all of the people I think of,
Of all of the humans I sing of,
Of all of the souls I dream of,
Oh, moon,
Send ghosts to me,
Of those who’d scream frightened of the dark,
Of those who’d speak a wild lot in the dark,
Of those who’d wake me when it’s no more dark,
Oh, moon,
Send ghosts to me,
So we hug in here for hours in my mind,
So we search in here for nothing in my mind,
So we wait in here for answers in my mind,
Oh, moon.
139 · Jul 2018
Being(lullaby)
When the lights go out in the evening, when you are to sleep.
don’t be scared.
I beg you .
For there will at least one more being there to guard you.
Don’t be scared
I miss you,
You’ll never know how much I’d love to be that being
Don’t be scared
I assure you,
And if you’re alone, you are a being, your mind’s a shield.
Don’t be scared
I ask you,
And once asleep, sleep tight,  let’s each other in our dreams.
Sorry, absence, comrades, I was busy writing in my native languages... but I do hope to switch back and forth between all three from now on
139 · Mar 2019
Still there (never did)
And so there was a dummy,
All proud of his bloodline, all right and all rules.
And he ***** up friendship,
Didn’t miss another one transfer away.

But he never cared,
Always chill ‘cause “mom and dad and stuff are still there”.
Didn’t feel that much pain,
Valued dust over gold.

Then he fell out favor with faith,
As he wasn’t nowhere near perfect, human to the bone.
With no friends to back him up,
He thought family would understand him.

Break the news, they didn’t love him no more,
Say the truth they never did.
He just wasn’t the one they loved, not the picture they’ve painted.
And he alone in his mind no less, he deserved no more.
134 · Aug 2021
Which feeling is true
I remember a girl from my class telling me
my paternal line is all fools.
Her father works at church.

I remember being told too many times
I’ll go to Hell for whom I love.
My pain still burns strong like  a torch.

I remember staying in mountains,
In a camp where nuns were our teachers,
That’s the place  I picture when I sing “Deep river”.

My chosen family is huge,
I hope my friends all outlive me,
My every other friend is a believer.

When people are fighting online,
I always side with atheists,
Only their words my sense to my heart.

There is a woman who got her son killed,
She called me once, and said that one is good
If only he has Jesus in his heart.

I know Jah and saints always me call,
I know my friends don’t judge me,
But don’t pray to no one, hurts too hard.
134 · Apr 2019
Take me there
Take me to the place I dream of,
Where the main word is teacher,
And that’s whom all the hymns are for.
Where a boy’s first hero and a girl’s
First love’s a random upper-class kid,
And that’s whom all the poems are for.

That’s where we hug in public
Because the trend for hatred
Never got resurrected after dying in gulags.
That’s where I don’t feel pain
When we don’t meet for months, as the trend for loyalty
Came from the east and didn’t leave no place for gags.
In Russian there’s a song “mama, mama is the main word”.
126 · Aug 2021
Say it as is
You’ve been bullshitting people:
“He is like family, he’s like a brother”
“She is so kind and wise, she is a mother”
Well, are they, though?
Is there a chance he would disown you upon coming out?
Will she respect a man so cynical he threw his true love out?
No  he won’t, he’s got your back, he is your brightest moonlight .
he a is friend, a lilo, those words say all, they say enough.
No, she won’t, she’ll want him gone, wisdom comes with judgment.
She’s a techer or a mentor, these words are true and are enough.
So use the words you should, and stop bullshitting people.
99 · Aug 2021
What friends may do
Hell yeah, you can embrace me,
that is what friends may do,
But I’m not sure if you should kiss me,
that’s something siblings do.
I’ll try and clear the path you choose,
that’s called comrodary,
But I shall not dare touch your love nor fire,
that marks an enemy.

— The End —