I remember when the fireflies danced in the night
When hearts grew warmer,
as coldness sprouted to life.
When a single sign of affection
brewed a storm inside of me
and I pursued the glimpse of happiness.
I remember when mom commanded me to do the unspeakable
as dad stared blankly into silent static,
as my screams pierced the humid summer night.
When destructive thoughts seized my mind
I tried to make them flee, but they refused.
as rejection dug into my flesh, running, and running, and running.
I remember the endless tears, broken relationships, and the grip of fear.
Fear of the unknown, the future, people, and love.
Love.
What was it?
Would I ever find it?
And would I ever find myself?
I remember when you said I was the strongest person you knew.
I tried to comprehend your words, but I couldn't see strength.
Instead, a young girl with big dreams in a world crumbling to pieces.
So I searched to find myself.
I remember when I started viewing myself in a positive way.
As I repelled the negative judgement I had forced upon myself.
And started finding my values, who I was, and who I wanted to be.
And maybe, just maybe
I could succeed.

Cloudy sweet delight
fulfills the

space bounded with an
atmosphere of lavender.

The soft cotton touch, lingers against my
steady fingertips.

Beating, the breath of
yesterday.

Living on the corner
of my mouth, crimson red flushed
lips.

Arms aching of
emptiness, tired, restless eyes.

Glimpsing golden
light.

Sprawling, bleeding
upon, a red flaming face.

My prying hands, pressing against my
pleating pockets.

Brought to my sight,
held a captivating view.

A note with a name:

“Darling, you shine
past the sun.

You are golden, my
princess.

You


cannot be compared to
a single thing.

The Queen of Hearts
would be jealous.

Looking upon you
lively, genuine heart.

You ripple of
fireworks, exploding bold colors

into the vast royal blue
sky.”

She wakes up in the morning
Hungry from last night
But she doesn’t eat breakfast
‘cause her jeans fit too tight

She looks into the mirror
Tears glisten in her eyes
She hates her reflection
But the mirror never lies

She rides the bus to school
And sits all alone
She wishes with all her might
To see all her bones

She gets to school at last
Self-conscious about her size
Because she still believes
That the mirror never lies

She walks from class to class
In the hallways by herself
While her classmates stop and wonder
About her collapsing health

But she never stops to listen
And doesn’t even try
She knows that they are wrong
Because the mirror never lies

When lunch time comes, she’s gone
Nowhere to be found
She never ever eats her lunch
She’s scared of gaining a pound

She walks past the lunch room
And smells the fruity pies
She really wants to eat them
But the mirror never lies

When school is finally over
And her homework is all done
She changes into shorts
And goes for a run

She runs and runs for hours
And sees the changing skies
She really wants to stop
But the mirror never lies

She finally goes home
And is forced to eat some dinner
While the whole time she wishes
That she could be thinner

She retreats to her room
And cries and cries and cries
She hates what she looks like
But the mirror never lies

She stands before the mirror
And pulls up her shirt
Pinches the bit of fat she has
And regrets eating dessert

She stares at her thin body
With no space between her thighs
She knows that she is fat
Because the mirror never lies

My journey as been a pretty wild one.
At times I wonder what it all meant. What did I learn? Does everything really happen for a reason?
Why did she come into my life? Why did he come into my life?
Lessons learned, yes, many lessons learned.
Hardened heart. No, too sensitive maybe?
No matter what it's MY journey. I wouldn't change a thing.