Just as i was almost blue,
I begin to fall in you...

I love you.
I'ts been about 3 years since i said this,
at least unabashed.
Doesn't mean i love you any less than I ever have,
Fact i love you more than i ever have.

Among the leathery ripples of complexion,
upon old face.
Lie two young, proud, loyal eyes.
Pained eyes.

A life of breaking your back, hungry and hysterical working up sweats in the rainy morning hours of another somber English day just to bring home the bread to your family.

Leather worn hands, complete with callus.
Grey seasoned hair
Anger like a temperamental furnace.
and laughter that could fill the largest room.
Incandescent kindness;
With a heart the size of a boulder.

Hours spent in the same room with nothing to talk about, a simple nod of acknowledgement, comforting smile across the room.

Nothing to say and no need to say it.

Days of my youth spent in awe of your presence, excitable days, exhilarating times spent on adventures, and the phantasmagorical fairy tales you'd tell me as we ran through the forests.

The giants have clearly just let as we can see their footprint. stricken with fear, staying close to you father and son we conquered the lands. two great hero's, we roamed the local forest and in that moment for me it was indeed a kingdom.

And now i'm older and on my own voyage, still i remain in awe of your presence.

Venerable father,
I love you,
it's been three years since We've said this,
at least unabashed.

When you Killed me,
I fell through the earth,
I sunk to the deepest oceans,
and perched upon the rainiest clouds.

I sat above or down below.
Drunk upon my own sorrow.

Before you killed me,
we sailed through the stars,
and when we entwined,
we erupt synchronous supernovas;
as you and i know of course...

we were the only people in the world, galaxy, universe in that very moment.

But then you killed me, and i really don't mind.
Now i'm swimming through stars alone.
Drifting around looking for another to take me back home.

If I could say just one thing to you
[and believe me, I am]
I would tell you to stop looking "out there".
I would tell you that you have everything you need.
I would tell you that you are everything you need.
Nobody can add anything to that.
and be **** sure, nobody can take anything away.

But you must share yourself with those around you:
your body, your mind, your words, your heart.
They are not for the PICKING. They are not for the TAKING.
They are for the sharing.
They are for someone to enjoy with you.
But lovely lovely love stop looking, please!
Release the pressure, drop the anxiety, ignore the stress.
It does not serve you.
It is merely in your head,
not in your bones.
Not in your flesh.
There is no "doing" in worrying.
There is only worrying.
And beautiful, that's not you.

If I could tell you one thing it would be this:
There are no rules that you do not make for yourself.
There is no time that you must do anything,
only times when you can do something.
Just opportunities that cyclically arise and fall away before you.
Did you miss one? That's ok.
Will another one come? Of course it will.
Let things come of their own accord
and you will end up happier than you could have dreamed.

There's nothing on the other side of that door.
In fact, you've already been there. You're there right now.
There is no lock holding you back.
No lock keeping everything from you.
You've got a pocket full of keys, and no locks.

Oh, if you'd only let me tell you,
I'd tell you everything in the world is alive in you.

dissipated and disillusioned worms eating through the last splinters of the rotting universal wood.

the last transmission of regret sent electronically, spluttered,
into a tissue; in a moment of self indulgent *******.

live showings of vicious execution, transmitted directly from the electromagnetic waves into the alpha waves of the young and naive. Desensitization, the last drops of humanity into complete disengagement.

endlessly recycled bohemian ideologies whispered into the ear of the eager idealist. spreading like fire, before burning out into the uncatchable reverie up with the stars, with all the other reveries, shining bright, intangible.

Instant dismissal from the old man, as the big curtain draws. Cynicism and fragmented past, falling on apathetic eyes, a proud man treat with a padded hand. faux sympathetic tones, blushing cheeks on old bones.

Begging with your body crumbling to dust with the disinterested doc, looking at the clock counting the milliseconds to the paycheck. Decomposing until you can be swept under the perpetual rug with the rest, Vacuum.