everything since marijuana,
everything since you
everything ever since common sense


left my heart in north korea
i hear things
when i

roll around in glass
just no better to place to go
than hot demeaning insanity

there is this
drug with no pretty on the inside
and no better place to go

I feel as if I am drowning under the weight of thousand words unspoken,
feel still lost in the I's and the eyes on the tip of my tongue and teeth in my lips in your eyes in your lips.

If I could unblock the rot and make the heartache stop.
If I could rewind the time and decamp this vast desert filled with landmines.
If I could start over again and just pretend, that this is surely not my trying to fend for myself, would you hold me with your touch, caress and noone else?

Silent serpent of length unknown
Eats at its tail, a hungry beast
Further enters the dark world grown,
Slithers into a deadly feast

Fooled, it judges itself so wise,
Insatiable satiated with deceit,
Broken and bent, relentless it tries
Wrenching pain as white and black meet

Proud smirk betrays its resting place
Exchanged terror resides with guile
Scything gleam of the hooded face
Swiftly rides past, a minute a mile

No snake lies where it had once been
Save an etch in thoughts of passers by
Many a struggle in this plane seen
Merge with elements that can not die.

I know we haven't talked in months, and i know you
think we are better off without each other, but i just
want you to know that i'm doing my best not to long
for your voice and your eyes, i'm trying hard not to miss
the sound of your voice and the curve of your smile, i
made sure to refrain myself from looking at our pictures
that are in the trash bin of my computer i haven't
permanently deleted yet, i keep on telling myself what
you have told me.

that we are better off with people who won't stumble and
crash at the first sign of uncertainty or push the other person
to leave because you know for yourself that you can't and
you really wouldn't. but instead i'm lying on cold white tiles
right now trying to imagine what it's like to be with you still.
I haven't been doing better.

I stare
at this screen as if unpracticed
Though my reaction anything but masked
So naive we can be to feelings abstract

I see*
You lack clarity to recognize beneath you
As if you really see, truly view
What it is I so badly wish to say, hope to do
Of all that surrounds, subjects, and subdues

I fall
Forward into the plot of despair
Who will hear me, who will care
But then I recall of one passively there

I shudder
To think of what you would say now
Watching you breathless, wanting for air
Made my own lungs hostile, for how unfair
That which I craved, you had to bear

I know
The cancer was quick, it took you well
I really was not sure how to tell
You
Now there's no chance, no choice
Oh, how I miss your beautiful voice

I don't feel as alone with him
I don't feel as sad or depressed
The grasp of the darkness is weakening
I am having a taste of sunlight
And I am blossoming
I see the world in colors now
The grass looks greener
The sky looks bluer
The sun shines brighter
The birds sing sweeter
And my life seems better
Maybe my soul isn't black after all