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daisies Mar 2015
I should stop being so ridiculously naive like that one time when I met a boy who bluntly admitted that he was too conceited and full of himself I didn't pay much attention to how true it was, thinking that he just wanted to impress me until it was too late. I got to him first. He became one of the cool kids. I was deserted.

I should stop being so ridiculously naive, believing that boys actually do fall for anything other than a fully made-up face, a heavy, talkative tongue with irrational words and meaningless sentences flooding out of lips, a ****-head with no thoughts of the universe, a statue with the appropriate body parts and long, shiny hair, and deceiving, shallow eyes.

I should stop being so ridiculously naive because for once, I thought, that this other boy who had trouble talking to me might like me back. He second-thought handshakes, hellos, but never eye contact. And when our eyes met, I could've swore he felt it as well. I fumbled with actually speaking to him. I could never get him alone.

I should stop being so ridiculously naive that one time, my best friend was that same guy's best friend and laughed about how we should get married one day since we're the exact opposite. She said I was sweet and calm like an impending storm. She said you were reckless like a hurricane. But oh, if only she knew you were the reason behind my silenced grieving.

(Yet my heart shall do as I command, soon.)

I should stop being so ridiculously naive because I realized that the boys I'm most comfortable with and so close to are the ones I don't write poems about and give much thought to. I should stop writing poems about you. I should be neutral towards you.

I should stop being so ridiculously naive and develop a solid personality and a loud opinion to stick with. I refuse to be a third wheel.

I should stop being so ridiculously naive and find my own voice because no one is going to speak up for me.

I should stop being so ridiculously naive and be thankful for the fact that there is no other me but me.
Needed somewhere to vent. Mixed signals are a nightmare.
daisies Mar 2015
All this while
I was having a tough time
wrapping my mind
around your disappearance.

Life hit me in the face,
jolting me from my fast pace
that I usually strut in, careless
about everything else.

I have an aching feeling in my head,
and a sinking feeling in my heart.
My mouth has gone dry because of it.
Darling, you left me dead.

I am thinking there's something about you
that causes death to all your lovers after you're through,
but I know you never really outgrew
my love. Quite tersely, I put an end to it.

***** the rhymes now, you changed your apartment and number,
and my path has gone askew, and outnumbered.
Oh my love, I wonder helplessly what you're doing
as I sit here and bleed my thumbs out for you.

Laying on my bed, I can't help but reminisce
all our lovely fights, our intimate nights,
and the way you looked me in the eye
and patiently explained why you loved me still.

I cannot, will not regret you.
I cannot, will not forget you.
I cannot, will not forgive you.
And I cannot,* cannot *unlove you.
daisies Feb 2015
You keep giving me
pieces of you each day
that seem too fragile
as I keep them hidden in my heart
from people's hungry eyes.

You keep lending me
your heart instead of mine.
It's stronger; it's been through a lot,
and ever since, your heart
has been our ground work.

You keep telling me
your secrets that I preserved
day by day into my soul,
scrutinizing them zealously,
careful enough never to hurt you.

You keep sharing with me
your scientist's mind, your constellations,
your belief in the big bang, your disbelief
in what caused it, yet I promised
to never judge. I never did.

You keep demolishing me
in ways you never knew possible,
and I am left flustered.
After every clandestine unleashed,
I happen to yet not be good enough.

Because you keep hurting me,
and I keep feigning being well,
and you keep wanting me
to change who I am.

But oh darling, have you ever once thought of
how I admired you for all that you are,
not for all I wanted you to become?

You keep making my head ache.
You keep making my heart beak.
You keep making me believe that
I fall too easily,
yet I am not so easy to fall in love with.
daisies Feb 2015
An unprecedented night with friends.
We were talking about the moon and the stars,
figuring out the constellations
that we were too young for,
and for some reason, love,
we were talking about you instead.

She declared that you've permanently lost
your dear lady, that I personally could not
do without. For some other reason, darling,
I was in awe of your beauty.
However, you were encompassed
in an aura of self-confidence,
and I couldn't believe you all along.

That smile never left your visage,
so I was left wondering how you do it,
making it seem like you've reached salvation easily.

This tear-stained paper I'm writing on
is my heart breaking into pieces for you.
You will always have my condolence,
my skinny love, and my worthwhile silence.

Never have I imagined being distraught this much,
for I am in a state of self-loathing,
despising how I didn't try harder to be
in your company.
To confront you,
and to endlessly love you.

But I'm sorry I never got the chance
to tell you how beautiful of a soul you are.

Maybe someday when you're truly jubilant,
with no fake smiles and no dry tears,
you'd read this poem and perhaps,
you may think of the girl who
let you borrow her pen
but left it with you on purpose
so she'd have a chance of talking to you again,
only to find out that you never gave it back.

Love, it's okay now because I have a wider scope of things,
and you may have been too occupied shedding tears for her
to pay some attention to my green ballpoint pen.
I forgive you.

And I hope you forgave me when I lied to you and smiled,
because in reality,
we are all sad souls with fleeting moments of happiness,
endeavoring to reach solitude,
with neither of us saying what we really mean.
And I guess nobody ever does.
daisies Feb 2015
If evolution
is all that we think it is,
then why are the feelings
towards the one you love
a thing?

Or could it be
slowly killing those most vulnerable,
let alone the easily-wounded,
those effortlessly broken into mortal shards,
leaving the cold-hearted,
those with the walls far up too high to reach,
those immune to such torment?

Maybe evolution
is truly all that we think it is,
and perhaps I'll be gone
way too soon
for my liking.
daisies Jan 2015
Unable to decipher the reasons behind
mistaking politeness for shyness.
Trust me, I am definitely in my zone.

Incapable of fathoming why is it a grave mistake to be quiet.
I am fighting my inner demons.
I do not wish to speak to you.
daisies Jan 2015
Fireworks and vivid chaos,
blinding lights in the pitch black sky.
The sudden gregariousness,
cross-dissolving into one's sigh.

Back home in a blanket,
hot chocolate in hand.
A wandering mind, hardly cognizant,
unleashing one's disguise.

With the shutter open
to evacuate life's scenes,
revealing only those broken
in one mind's eye.

Fading rapidly from awareness,
once immersive, now an indistinct sight.
The suttle gregariousness,
has all but gone dry.
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