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daisies Nov 2014
It's been a while since I've written anything, and I'm starting to wonder if it was your presence that was my only source of inspiration.

This is not good. This is NOT good.

Months passed and I have met so many people that I thought the loss of a person, no matter what it was we had and no matter what it is he meant to me, should not haunt me constantly as it is doing right now.

This is not good. This is not good.

It has become scary because my only getaway from this gruesome, cruel world is sitting down with my cat in my lap contemplating former thoughts of you.

My goodbye was unexplained, and despite the numerous amounts of poetry I've read and the numerous amounts of poetry I've written, I cannot, up to this day, fathom my own goodbye.

This is not good. This is not good.

I sometimes wonder what would happen if I showed up at your doorstep and then I remember I would never really have the guts to do that.

I am petrified of you. I'm still in love with you.

This is not good. This was never good.
daisies Nov 2014
I have seen the wonders of the world
in a month of new experience.
I have let people in for a change.

I have met the kindest, most helpful angel
on a road trip off to nowhere.
Too gentle for his own good.

I have felt the warmth of laughter
in the ladies' room while having a smoke.
I was walking on clouds.

I have heard the focused, resonating silence
amidst spaces in a study room.
A pin dropped.

I have seen the sad, the happy,
the lonely, the mighty,
the inferior, the hustle,
the coziness, and the wind.

I have seen it all, my love,
and still I remain unimpressed.
daisies Sep 2014
Make some music, write some songs,
intellectual poetry, thoughtful monologues,
for those imitators, those who chant,
those who admire your mere act.

Sell some music, write more songs
about the sinners, about their wrongs
so they'd believe, so they'd see
the chaos of their century.

Make millions out of your music, write some ******* songs
for the money. Oh, the money it brings along!
The forthcoming fame, that dazzling stardom,
and for a minute, you forgot where you came from.

Sickened by your own music, nauseated by the tasteless songs,
you mourn your very existence, your insipid outcomes.
No secrets kept to yourself, a life full of lies;
you lost yourself drowning in disguise.  

Forsake the ****** music, abandon the imbecilic songs,
book a plane off to nowhere, freed from inquietudes so overlong.
The shouts and screams are now gone.
It's you in your bed all alone.

Unable to listen to music, they're all monotonous songs
about the same subjects, the same wrongs.
You point a pistol to the anarchy of your head,
giving in peacefully to the only thing everyone dreads.

You'd be waiting for your daughter and wife
where that altar is.
Too bad no one remains here long enough
to tell us what truly happens.
Read a little from Kurt Cobain's biography and this is what came up.
daisies Jul 2014
I'll have my heart in a gift box wrapped in see-through,
embellished with flowers, dedicated to you.
I'll spread a smear of glitter on it, maybe a little gold too,
so it doesn't seem so bitter, so overdue.

I hope it's vivacious; if it was pumping still,
and with prudent words you would overkill.
Its liveliness--once, now long forgotten--will decay in your palms.
Daffodils and daisies will melt into your hands, betraying all qualms.

Being the human that I am, obliged me to always seek knowledge.
I loved everything. Everything was a wreckage.
The fact that humans can cause this much damage enlightened me,
yet the thought of persuing self-destruction further could never set me free.

I was distraught till I was numb to the bones,
paralyzed on the cold tiles, silencing my own moans,
because what future awaits those who are namely the sick-minded,
the delusional, the know-it-all, the blindsided?

For spectators like us, we set everything into action,
to those who are less fortunate; the earth is flattened.
Their ideas, their meticulous theorems and allegories would all be dispersed,
by those who ignited the fire from the beginning. By the universe. By us.
daisies Jun 2014
I spot my reflection in the silhouette of your eyes.
Like a mirror, you are me and I am you.
In this lonely hour, and in this hollow room,
my eardrums fill with piano notes and rhymes,
as everything around me suddenly goes quite and silence blooms.

I come to realize our love is nothing but
meaningful lyrics hung upon abandoned piano keys,
and unuttered syllables written
amongst a music sheet.

Yet, the symphony plays perpetually,
loud and clear, demanding to be heard, to be felt.
It lifts me up, swirling me in your galaxy,
and every so often, I approach to tear off the mask you've been hiding behind,
till there's nothing left but musical debris.

I strip you of salvation.
I unleash your wholeness.
Rondes and blanches and noires
punctuate and embellish your figure.
They are a halo.
They are *mine.
Wrote this while listening to Erik Satie's Gnossienne no. 3. Give it a listen if you'd like.
daisies May 2014
I do not know who I am and there's really nothing sadder than this,
especially when people are constantly questioning you about who you want to be and you don't know what to say or how to act.

I can hardly keep my thoughts together, I don't know how to put them in order. And I--
I am losing myself everyday as I give everything my utmost devotion,
only to find out that I have not been given any in return. 

At this hour of night, I feel empty and useless.
And it's probably true that this tear-stained sheet of paper I'm embedding my thoughts in will mean more to me than I ever did to anybody.

And it's sad because I could never blame them. 
There isn't a specific character that is outshining the radiance of others to love. 
There aren't anymore dreams, or hopes, or hobbies to hold on to. 

Everything is a lie. My entire being is a lie. 
I am caught at intersection point, 
attempting to busy myself by etching out words on the graveyard.

"Come be my savior."
You are not there, and you will never be.
You, my darling, are a lie as well. 

I am not able to kick, or writhe, or scream,
for I am trying to jot down what I'm thinking.
And sometimes when you don't know what you're thinking or why you're thinking,
you just remain completely frozen, with your breath ****** straight out of your lungs 
by those you love the most. 

I can never rely on anyone. 
Nobody cares about you no matter how much they state they do.
They are all a lie, too. 

I am immortal, and I am utterly dead.
I can hardly feel my fingertips at the touch of this pen 
as I am encompassed by a numbness so cold it burns.
For I am a lie, as well.
Literally wrote this out of absolutely nowhere.
daisies May 2014
I was quite,
but I was not blind.

I was calm,
but I was not collected.

I was smiling,
but I was not happy.

I was smart,
but I was not appreciated.

I was sad, 
but I was not showing it.

I was free,
but I was not brave.

I was curious,
but I was not questioning. 

I was articulate,
but I was not speaking.

I was nice, 
but I was not vain.

I was me,
but I was not enough. 

I was found,
but I was lost.
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