I’m tired of having to prove myself even to me.
Tired of having to give chances
only for them to be empty and free.
I am tired of waiting for a better outcome,
maybe I am mad,
because it’s the same person,
same situation and the same me,
the only thing changed is my hope dying a little every day
but it’s the same ****,
just a different day.

Moved on to a better place
Found peace in the fallows
That dug knee deep in shadow
Living in darkness has become a crime
But I was so used to doing time
Caged liberty is no man’s dream
My dream is to die and pass on to a different time.

Days feel like months and months feel like years but alas,
only minutes have passed
and I’m still in today
and tomorrow is yet to pass.
But I have tried to move on and be free
I have tried to be better than I am today than I was yesterday
But this war unto myself
Has only ruined me.
I don’t know when the wait will end
I don’t know when my life will begin
But if life is to begin then it can begin again tomorrow
But that’s not the point
That’s not what the wait is for.
I’m waiting to be free
To be unburdened from life’s destiny
I wish to move on to a clear beginning
But to begin again, means an end is to come
So I’m stuck in this endless spiral that goes nor up nor down
Just moves in rotation to complete this circle
But always begins again for me.

Got up early, had a coffee
The vanilla in it makes me feel alive,
One sip a taste of wonder
Why when it’s forbidden I take it as a treat
It is bittersweet

Used and abused, I am worn
I stay here then I am thrown
Dethroned from the table where once I sat
Now I am just a rag to pat the poo
And that’s a fact.

Flowers are set to bloom
And it’s no longer doom
For I have my favourite human by my side
It is the best kind of ride.
 
The bird calls at night and day
Signalling for spring on its way
And with spring comes a new beginning  
A beginning from far away.

How lucky is my cat
Always tranquil, always sleeping
No worries of the world seeping
I am worried I have to write this story
About war and its glory
But I am just a girl who likes fiction,
Why is there so much friction?
I don’t want to understand the lessons of the war,
I don’t care about it,
What was it even for?
Going against the tide the book said,
But I like going with the flow
Breaking bounds and ceilings
With my believings
And a will to learn and live
Through life and its lessons
Not through going against my feelings.