you don't have to be pretty
or be beautiful physically
or be great at
anything you love....

as long as you're there
for me to see
and lean on
once every often

and by knowing that you
care and hold me close
to your heart
once every often
i know i can
live life
well
enough.

why? why do you always see
me as a joke?

why does all my actions
speaks something of the other
to you?

in all your life
did you ever feel
that you're being bullied?

i on the other hand
has been,
always been
the center of
your foolish
jokes...

for several months
i treat you as a friend,
and yet i feel that
you treat me as your
puppet
to feed people as
your entertainer...

have you seen what i feel?
guess not,
i hide it too well
between my laughs
as if there funny
to me,
yet deep inside i
know something
is really wrong...

i wish you knew
how far i've
grown tired
of all the repeated
jokes...

someday
if I can't take it
anymore,
I'll explode
and be secluded
as far away from
your
group...

In the house of the Lord,
I pray to seek.....

To learn about love,
and how to help the weak.....

Some say I'm anointed,
for the mind a have.....

I have direction from God,
to get what I have....

It's not always about money....
It's the respect I have....

Not just for myself,
but for the ones in my path....

This poem I write,
I dont know why.....

I'm sitting in church,
absorbing the word.....

This is a silent plea
That for once you'll see me
Hoping against hope that this
Isn't another joke
Because looking at your eyes
Makes my soul burn more than sunsets and blazing skies
This is a hope no a wish
One that you cannot hush
Wanting your feelings to be returned
Not thinking if he is a keeper or if he'll let this burn
Not seeing yourself full in his eyes
Contemplating if this is another lie
Being ripped apart by who you love
Is torture enough.

But you let it be
Wait for them to see the injuries
The pain and the tear stained cheeks
Hoping that one day
Your feelings finally meet.

Believing hollow words and silent gestures
When him not touching you feels longer than time you cannot measure
Your skin burning with love, lust, and pain
When you feel him touching you again
Thinking that it's her he's thinking of
It's her clothes that he took off.

Hating yourself for losing yourself in someone torn
Believing love can take all forms
I know I love you but the feelings never come back
You've placed your heart in her sack.

This is a silent plea
That for once, you'll see me.
Breaking my heart to make yours whole
Some of them you stole
Patiently waiting to feel whatever you can give back
Always feeling like I'm the one that lacked.

during my worst times
on the park benches
in the jails
or living with
******
I always had this certain
contentment-
I wouldn't call it
happiness-
it was more of an inner
balance
that settled for
whatever was occuring
and it helped in the
factories
and when relationships
went wrong
with the
girls.
it helped
through the
wars and the
hangovers
the backalley fights
the
hospitals.
to awaken in a cheap room
in a strange city and
pull up the shade-
this was the craziest kind of
contentment

and to walk across the floor
to an old dresser with a
cracked mirror-
see myself, ugly,
grinning at it all.
what matters most is
how well you
walk through the
fire.

loneliness has defined
this old soul.
Bittersweet melody
has tuned my way of
living.

I don't know how much
my heart could stand
the weight and wait
for that simple moment,
that single spark
to feel alive
and stop breathing
the ashen smog of reality.