Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 Jun 2019 Anna Robertson
Ruthie
I used to stay up till 6am tying different lengths of material around my neck.
I used to stay up till 5am trying to forget how to breathe for a little while.
I used to stay up till 4am and wonder what you were doing with her at that time.
But now it's 4am and I'm happy.
I met a stranger two days ago and he seems to have completely erased the bad feelings.
The memories.
He's a blank white page.
And my 3am scribbles are no longer pleading messages to god begging for a release.
They are rambles about how this man makes me feel.
And ****.
It's pretty wonderful.
I'm definitely not who I was.
 Jun 2019 Anna Robertson
Hal
I saw you today for the first time since we ended things. A million thoughts swam through my head but the only thing that came out my mouth was silence. Forgive me if I can't greet you like an old friend, I'm still struggling to understand how you could come in and shatter my heart into little pieces and act as if nothing happened. I don't miss you but sometimes I lay in bed thinking about you and I can't get you out of my head. It's not the "I miss you" kind of thoughts though, it's the " I regret that" kind. I regret letting you push me past my limits and then forcing myself to accept that I really didn't mind. I regret giving in to you because I was afraid to lose you otherwise. I regret every minute I let you treat me less than I deserved. But most of all, I regret staying with you even after I realized you were toxic. It's not still loving you that I'm struggling with, I'm way past that, I'm still trying to love myself again after all you put me through. Did you ever realize what you did to me? Why are you spreading rumors and trying to destroy my reputation? Did you ever even care about me? Why do I even care? What good is regretting all these things going to do?
I saw you today for the first time since we ended things. A million thoughts swam through my head and I'm glad the only thing that came out of my mouth was silence.
- I'm done wasting my breath on you.
I have become angry.
I was sad, and now I am angry.
I have been told you pass through stages of grief
When the one who got away is indifferent
Indifference hurts.
So does anger.
And anger is building inside me like a volcano
Anger is rising to the surface like burnt milk forgotten on a stove
Anger is seeping into my veins because I have been nothing but nice
Nothing but convenient
Yet
You make me feel like I am a bother
A stain on your carpet you cannot wash out
A nail sticking out of the furniture, just a little
Out of place
You make me feel out of place
I am right where I need to be
Right where I belong
You do not get to kick me out because I have become
Inconvenient
I won't accommodate you any longer
I have been nothing but truthful
Honest
Myself
And you do not get to make me feel any less than that.
I will not stoop so low.
I will not bow down.
I am here to stay.
This is my life.
what exactly did I do to you?

— The End —