you know
you're a writer
when the typing
inside your head
never ceases

If you died tomorrow
could I write your obituary?

It would start of course
with your name, birthday,
the day you died
what school you went to

I could say the Before
you had two dogs and a cat
you loved to rock-climb
and do logic puzzles

Math was your thing
it never was mine
your hand always shot up into the air
faster than I could think

You liked doing back bends, and flips
with me supporting you, on the lawn
we floated from friend group to friend group
not really staying, or clinging on

You invited me to a sleepover
just you and me
before our seventh-grade dance
sleeping on your floor
as happy as can be
we had no secrets to tell
as we fell asleep

we were that close

And then
came the After
now that I could not write

I guess I could say

"She got straight A's in high school
and had many friends.
She had inside jokes
with the people she met"

I think

Writing the During
would be just too painful

what could I say?

It was a text
then a letter reply
You couldn't "thank me enough"
For what we had

That's not an obituary
I can't write that

I could write the Before
and then pass it on
to your new friends, any friend
because for me, you are gone

except for the sliver in my heart

Survived by mom, dad, and younger sister

Which way leads to you?
Do I need a compass to find my way?
As if you are an island
from some far-away shore
that I spot but can never reach

I look at you
you are so close
Would a map help me out?
Tracing a line between you and me?
Finding the way
as the crow flies
so I can get to you
as soon as can be?

Should I use my heart?
it makes the most sense
but for almost
2, 3 years
I have already used it

and I've never gotten
anywhere  

I am forever
lost

and you are still that island
that I cannot
reach

you Wait
until you feel like you again

i'm still
Waiting