i did
the thing i said
i would never do again it's
dripping
down my arm
summer's coming
so i went up
on my shoulder
where nobody could see i
thought i
was gonna
be clean but
i cant
i'm not good enough

You
Are not a man.
You are not worth
My mercy
Or my words how dare you
Touch him
With your hands filthy
Threaten to beat the **** out of
My lover?
If he doesn’t give you his cell phone you
*******
Or else he could give you
A ten minute *******
And escape with his life
And his bones intact
But not with his dignity
Not without ***** rising in his mouth and pain shooting through his body and reaching deep into the cracks that I have slowly been helping him heal
You are
Not worth my mercy
Or my words and
If I had my way you
Would be
Sitting pretty under my knife
If I had my way I would have my
Sadistic revenge.
Your bones
Are going to look so good
As earrings.

Recovery
A long road
Tough, but
Worth traveling.
Even the worst days in recovery are better than the best days encompassed in an eating disorder.

baby, its not ******* pretty
the way i havent showered in, i think, going on a week?
it's not beautiful, the way my hair snarls around my fingers when i try to make myself look half-decent
it's not pretty or poetic or deep when
i cant get out of bed in the morning
it isnt tragically beautiful when i hurt myself to feel something
anything
depression isnt pretty
or poetic
or lovely
depression isnt pretty girls with long hair who cry in window seats next to rainy gray days
it's me.