I have words
   good words
      all the best words
         they come out of me
      in fountains
   cascading
waterfall words
   flushing away doubt
      over the edge
         over the precipice
      I speak
   falling words
splashing words
   drowning words
      there are rocks at the bottom
         broken bones
            buried treasure
               known unknowns
            wrapped in reedy words
         left here by thrill seekers
     terrorists, murderers      
   rapists
jumping off cliffs
   swimming over rivers
climbing the walls that I built
   I am a great builder, you see
      but it's not all about me and my words
   I have questions too
Why do the bubbles breathe when I can't?
   Is this light refracted a mirror of the dark?
      Is there such a thing as a grindelow?
         Can't we stop them?
           What is this weight
              pulling me down
                Can I swim?
              Will I drown if I don't win?
            Don't look too closely
       for I don't know anything
   I never did
Let me back in
   I always win
     You'll be sorry
         You will be sorry
     all that will be left
   is a scorched blonde wig
a scorched earth
   a pile of empty emperors clothes
      and legislated words
         captured in email,
            cooked until raw
         served over the body politic
      burnt and broken by the fall
    of ***** grabbing brawlers
  drowned and forgotten in a furore
of water hurtling towards the forgetful sea
   and it's endless tides will bring the bodies back to shore
won't wash away the misdeeds, you don't know that half of it
you will never be clean
  But not me
    I am very rich you see
       I will float away on an endless tide
         of empty promises
            corporate endorsements
               and established exploitations
                  leaving only the roaring echo of the flood
               in which all your words
            all your worthless worlds
         were washed away
      so ask yourself
  on voting day
   who do you hate less?
   who do you hate more?
will it always be this way?

I sit and ponder about everything to be
I wonder how things will turn out
And all of the people I will see
I worry that I'll look back on my life
And see many things that brought me less than glee

I wish that I had all of the answers
To all if the questions in my head
I hold myself to several standards
That I'm not sure I can accomplish
All I want is to be successful without all of the answers

All I wish for
are nights
where my demons
refrain from
running rampant.

I want them
to sit still
and behave
as I savor
the gentle
early morning breeze.

I want them
to remain quiet
when I listen
to the sound
of nature.

I want them
to close their eyes
while I watch
the gleaming stars
from the
rooftop balcony.

Maybe one day
when everything
is in place.

A day where
I've cleaned up
all the mess
that I've made.

Maybe then
they've found peace
and would run away
with me
through mire
and tall grasses
together.

All I wish for
is to make
my soul
rest in tranquil planes.

Maybe one day.

Do you know why a rose has thorns on it,
to protect its beauty from others picking it

The fiery wind burns our skin
this simmering summer noon
but our resolve is not paper thin.

the river is all ours
I tell her
and she whispers love notes.

When we retreat under the banyan
she scans the grey for clouds
and I her eyes for a mystic hint.

how lovely it would be
if it rains now
she says.

it would
I swear by the river.

We walk away
dreaming good crop
swaying in the river wind.

1) Wake up one day, make myself a steaming hot cup of coffee, go to the balcony and say good morning to New York City

2) Have pancakes and coffee at a cool diner and tell someone my life story

3) Write a song just for myself and not release it / share it

4) Dedicate a day to just spending time with my mum, no phone distractions or anything!

5) Stand up for myself.

6) Stand up for myself again (I reckon I'm gonna have to keep doing this as I get older, and as I interact with more strangers who think they know me)

7) Help out a charity - either a Cancer charity or a mental illness foundation

8) learn how to drive and blast out Taylor swift through the speakers

9) grow up and occasionally look back

10) become more confident

11) dye my hair at least one other colour before going back to basic black

12) dream big but not too big, don't want to lose sight of reality...

drunken night with a stranger,
oddly tender.
soft touches
cupping my face
kissing me
for hours
entangled in a bed
with other drunk ghosts.

since she was 11
she knew
being abused isn't a punishment
it's a birthright