Don't you dare lose hope
After making it so far
This step matters most

no feeling toward you
not even enough to fill
one small haiku

The war inside my body rages
the constant struggle for happiness
or complete self-hatred,
the struggle between the perfect body
and amazing food,
the struggle between loving you
and letting you go.
There's a constant battle been fought
inside my body
one that shouldn't even be there
but it is, and it's full fledge.
-how do i say loving you hurts?

I've met Sapphire -- she was like the sea. She could appear as a raging storm or the complete embodiment of tranquility. Graceful, calm, comforting and yet at the same time tempestuous, untamed and misunderstood. Those who wade in the shallow would never know the unfathomable depths of her being. For beneath her unstable surface lies untold understanding, wisdom, and a love that is both unimaginable and sincere.

I could have laid there in the sand for Eternity, enclosed in the gentle hush of her misty words, letting her waves crash upon me in hopes that I’d eventually be pulled under.


I've met Ruby -- she was like a wildfire and I the dry tinder, all too eager to satisfy her audacious passion and unquenchable desire. I was the moth; the unshakable temptation of her aura's alluring danger was too tantalizing, too enticing to resist. Bewitched by her crimson lips, sultry figure, blazing eyes and seductive gestures, I was foolishly fanatical to be her dancing marionette, my strings effortlessly compelled to be wrapped around her finger.

Yet I could never find contentment in feeling her warmth from a safe distance. I yearned for the uncertainty of smothering the flames for a chance to be engulfed in the immortal inferno of reckless devotion.


I've met Topaz -- she was like the sunlight and the stars. Joyous and blindingly shining with youthful exuberance, her childlike innocence was a boon that beamed upon every soul she touched. Spirited and seemingly teeming with a never ending supply of infectious laughter and a smile that could melt even the most frostbitten heart. Hopelessly trying to keep up with her fervent spontaneity proved as futile as trying to catch a shooting star with a butterfly net.

I am forever blessed that she shone upon my life. A single day basking in her radiance was worth more than the perpetuity of a solitudinous existence.


I've met Emerald -- she was like a lush forest. I sat beneath her trees in the shade of her leaves, embraced by the gentle caress of her touch. Her serene ambrosial breeze carried soothing whispers of kindness and compassion that were unrivaled by any earthly delights. We planted seeds that took root in our hearts and entangled our souls with the everlasting abundance of euphoric elation, harmony, and deliverance.

Yet every flower that flourishes in the spring will willingly wilt in the fall, and the seeds that lie dormant beneath the snow bear no commitment to bloom. What we hoped would blossom through the passing of time would only amount to us growing apart.


But I've never met anyone like you -- You are a Diamond. Given just the smallest glint of light, you shine with the complete spectrum of incomparable quintessence. You encompass the entirety of all the different colors and hues of every jewel I have ever known. Unparalleled and peerless in your very nature, unprecedented and unsurpassed in your beauty.

You are ineffable. All my attempts to describe you will only prove to be ultimately inadequate, but you are the most precious gem to me and I will be, forever and always,
yours.

***

I see thine image through my tears to-night,
And yet to-day I saw thee smiling. How
Refer the cause?—Beloved, is it thou
Or I, who makes me sad? The acolyte
Amid the chanted joy and thankful rite
May so fall flat, with pale insensate brow,
On the altar-stair. I hear thy voice and vow,
Perplexed, uncertain, since thou art out of sight,
As he, in his swooning ears, the choir’s Amen.
Beloved, dost thou love? or did I see all
The glory as I dreamed, and fainted when
Too vehement light dilated my ideal,
For my soul’s eyes? Will that light come again,
As now these tears come—falling hot and real?

it's the emptiness
it's the hatred that builds up in the creases of your
smile, of the laughter you hide your disgust with

it's the appointments you tear from your organizer
the holes in your stomach
the sunburn on your shoulders; the redness of your nose

it's your incurable phobias
your cut-up legs
your bleeding nose
your teary eyes
your itchy back
your raw skin

swollen lips
bare nails
unkept hair
ugly voice
tiredness

why the ****'d you think spring would fix you?

Stiletto heels and a push-up bra,
Hair piled high, bleached and toned and all…
That’s the way you used to shuffle around,
But you ain’t been much since your man went to town.

Who’s that a’ worrin’ bout them wrinkles and lines?
Is that the same broad who fell for all his lines?
Well, since he left you all you do is frown.
No, you ain’t done much since your man went to town.

You could’a picked a man who would’a cherished you
Once upon a time when love was fresh and new,
But you picked the one who was known all around.
Now,  you ain’t known much since your man went to town.

(Interlude)

You could’a picked a man who would’a cherished you
Once upon a time when love was fresh and new,
But you picked the one who was known all around.
Now, you ain’t been much since your man went to town.

Whatcha gonna do when the rage runs high,
When the last tear falls cause the well has dried?
Whatcha gonna do when the sun goes down,
Cause you ain't slept much since your man went to town.

What’cha gotta to do to make it right
Is take your piece out of your purse, it’s a Saturday night.
What’cha gotta do is shoot him down,
‘Cause you cry too much since your man went to town.