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complexify Dec 2016
you will somehow reach a certain point where you understand certain things.

and after that, you'll realize how low and stupid you have been.

but if you focus on how stupid you were before, will it make any difference?

if you stay and continue to mourn for his death, will he resurrect from your tears?

if you dwell and drown in your sea of emotions, will anything change?

please don't use a tragedy to make yourself feel sad.

please stop this madness, this escape route you've been using just because you're uncertain of what you should feel.

just because you don't feel anything and you want to feel something makes you use tragedies and accidents to feel sad.

that's pathetic.
idfk.
  Dec 2016 complexify
Knocks
it's the winter
and my fingertips are cold
my eyes are tired
and my bones feel old

it's getting harder to stay
even though you are here
follow me close
i may disappear

i dream about you
all the time
i dream about you
are you mine?

drinking again
has opened my mind
i forget things
but i won't leave you behind

every sip of alcohol
that i take
burns my throat  
and i start to ache

i dream about you
when i drink
for you, my love,
i will not sink

e.knocks
complexify Nov 2016
i think i'm going insane.

i think about me breaking apart for so many times after what happened.

people thought that i am being overreacting but no, i'm not.

i hate being depressed, full of stress and unrest. i hate seeing the clouds formed your smile, i hate thinking about your hands not holding mine.

i hate losing my sanity.

i hate seeing the trees swayed as if they are mocking my weaknesses, i hate hearing the winds blew, they sounded a lot like your voice that i missed a lot.

they told me that they searched their loved ones in the crowds, meanwhile i'm here seeing you everywhere i go.

i hate seeing your figure beside me on my bed, when you are actually sleeping somewhere else where only He knows.

i hate seeing myself in the mirror for i cannot form any genuine, happy and honest smile anymore.

as if your absence meant more than just losing you.

in the process, i lost myself too.
lately, i'm being more depressed that usual. i hate it.
complexify Nov 2016
i would love to lose my mind

my energy

my soul

just to be with you
  Nov 2016 complexify
Kelly Bitangcol
I have always been fascinated by mythology. I remember seeing my older sisters with a greek mythology book, and wishing I could be in high school so I can know it already. I was interested in the mythical creatures, in the gods and goddesses, in the battles, and just like everyone, I was interested in the love stories. I wanted to learn it with passion for I heard it was the inspiration of almost all the modern literature that I love. I could still remember feeling excited to be in class and discuss it. And now that I have reached high school, and I also reached my dream of studying greek mythology and not only that, because I reached it with you. We learned about the titans, the gods and goddesses, the olympians, the monsters, the stories. We were both engrossed and captivated by it, that mythology was the only thing we ever talked about. We even related it to real life, we related people to the characters. Whenever we see a person we know, we would think of the character that best resembles them, and we will start calling them their characters that we decided them to be. We called our friend Athena, we called your cousin Apollo, we even called someone the Minotaur. And that’s what our teacher told us, that not because it’s fantasy that immediately means it cannot happen in real life. The stories there, are reality, the only difference is, they added magic into them. We loved greek mythology so much that we related it to everything. However I realised something, we related it to everything except to ourselves. So I asked you, “Who are we?”. You told me, “Baby, we’re no one there, for we will make our own mythology. We will make the greatest one, so beautiful that it would surpass the best literature of all time.” Your favourite one was Plato’s quote, you would never shut up telling me the story that “humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.” And you would always tell me, that you wished to tell Zeus you found yours already. I expected myself to love the romance most, for myself to have the love stories as my favourite. But instead, I loved the opposite,  I loved the tragedies.


I don’t know why, but I found myself loving the tragic stories. I found myself loving the story of Orpheus and Eurydice. The ultimate tragic love story, in which Orpheus would have brought Eurydice back to life if only he had done what Hades said. Orpheus went to the underworld to ask Hades to bring back Eurydice, but Hades had one condition, he should not look back while his wife was still in the dark, for that would undo everything he hoped for. He should wait for Eurydice to get into the light before he looked at her. But then, Orpheus couldn’t control himself, he looked at Eurydice and hugged her, then suddenly Eurydice was drawn back to the underworld.


And who would ever forget Pyramus and Thisbe? The star crossed lovers who had families who hated each other and whispered sweet nothings through a crack in the wall that separates their houses. And they decided to run away, but when Thisbe showed up under the mulberry tree, a ****** jawed lioness was there. So Thisbe ran, and just when Pyramus arrived, he saw the lioness ripping apart Thisbe’s shawl. Thinking that Thisbe died, Pyramus stabbed himself. And when Thisbe returned and figured out what happened, she stabbed herself too. To this day, the formerly white berries of the mulberry tree are stained red with the blood of these tragic lovers.


Here comes my favourite story of all, the myth of Icarus. Icarus and his father attempted to escape from Crete by means of wings that his father constructed from feathers and wax. Daedalus cautioned him that flying too near the sun would cause the wax to melt. And because of hubris, Icarus ignored his father’s instructions and flew too close to the sun. Then the wax in his wings melted and he fell into the sea.


When I was reading the stories, epiphany suddenly hit me. Perhaps the reason why I loved tragedies so much because we’re turning into one. I finally got the answer to my question when I asked you who we are. Maybe we are Orpheus and Eurydice, we loved each other too much that we would do everything just to be together. But we ignored all the warnings, we thought love was the only thing that really mattered. We never got to control our feelings and we forgot everything, because of that, we were separated from each other. Or we could also be Pyramus and Thisbe, we are the perfect definition of lovers who almost made it, who almost achieved happiness, who almost became the greatest lovers of all time but then we never became one, we became tragic ones. And darling, perhaps Icarus resembles us the most. We are both Icarus, our wings, are ourselves,  and love, is the sun. Everybody told us not to get too near the sun, for the wax in our wings will melt, we will lose our wings because we are too close to the thing that could save and destroy us both. And just like Icarus, we disobeyed the rules.  We flew too close to the sun, look at us now.

As we were walking out of each other’s lives, I realised something. We were not meant to create the greatest story of all time that it would top the best literature. We were never making our own mythology, because we were just bound to become another tragedy. Another tragedy that people will love, and I still don’t know why, but people tend to see something beautiful in it. And maybe, just maybe, people will also see something beautiful in our tragic story. But just like Orpheus and Eurydice, Pyramus and Thisbe, Icarus; one thing is for sure, my love. We will achieve a thing we both wanted,  **we will never be forgotten.
complexify Nov 2016
melodies in my lullaby
broken guitars and abandoned violins
in the forest we go.

you said, stand by
we're proud sinner
we're not saints, but we thought so.

the birds fly
the sky's clearer from here
on my shoulders you lean
and the rivers continue to flow.

we laughed until we cry
we promise forever
through thick and thin
through darkness and sorrow.

but life disagreed
and kept us apart
separated we are
until we depart.
:(
  Nov 2016 complexify
Isabelle
I never thought that the lips
          I love to kiss
Would be the same lips to lie
          And say the word goodbye
Your lips.
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