My heart was true,
So true, but now it's blue.
You left
Without a saying word.
It beats
All I ever heard.
You treated
Me like a clown.
Now, your gone.
So, you're gone for good.
Don't even think
About comin' back around.
No.
No. No, oh!
Don't even think
About comin' back around.

My fate was cruel,
So cruel, cause I loved you.
You lied,
When you said you'd stay.
I cried,
When you went away.
Must-a took me
For a fool.
But, you're wrong.
Yes, you're gone for good.
Don't even think
About comin' back around.
No.
No. No-oh!
Don't even think
About comin' back around.

If your thinking bout coming my way,
You'd better think again
Cause once love has strayed,
There's no way to rebuilt the past
From your wreck of lies.
I see the truth, at last.

Oh, you took me
For some kind of fool,
But, you're wrong.
Yes, you're gone for good.
Don't even think
About comin' back around.
No.
No, No-oh!
Don't even think
About comin' back around.

I crossed the line,
Learned to despise;
It wasn't the plan,
Just my disguise.
I saw the loss grow
Through your eyes.
You looked at me
With such regret;
You thought I'd finished,
But I wasn't yet.
Red flags flapped,
You raised the white;
No more cave-ins,
No more fights.
I found it hard to accept;
You thought I was done,
But I wasn't done yet.
Seasons passed,
Years followed through;
I can't see
What I saw in you.
We're not strangers,
We're not friends,
But should you need me
Near the end,
I'll be standing there.

My heart ached for a piece of the cake
i tried to take the whole thing, that was a mistake
it's hard to just be patient and wait
when you crave what's beyond your fate

in dire straits i face what's on my plate
what a nightmare a dream can make
i sort it out and lay it all straight
when there's nothing to give, there's nothing to take

You promised kisses
beneath the old oak

You said you would give
youself to me then

Under the summer's
eager stary eyes

But they came
and cut the oak down

But not before
you left town

Now all I have
is the promise

Of firewood for those
cold lonely nights

I spotted the box
out of the corner of my eye
There in the closet
stuffed into a corner
covered in cloth

At first it mattered not
I had other priorities
I had to meet

But then a memory
knocked upon the wall
of my curosity

So I took the box out
and sat upon the bed
And I started to take
the photographs out

So many faces , so many places
lost in time's goodbye
So much found
and so much lost
so , so very much

After all the you and me's
After all the summers
and winters too
Life has boiled down
to a box of photographs
made for a shoe

I am slowly learning to disregard the insatiable desire to be special. I think it began, the soft piano ballad of epiphanic freedom that danced in my head, when you mentioned that “Van Gogh was her thing” while I stood there in my overall dress, admiring his sunflowers at the art museum. And then again on South Street, while we thumbed through old records and I picked up Morrissey and you mentioned her name like it was stuck in your teeth. Each time, I felt a paintbrush on my cheeks, covering my skin in grey and fading me into a quiet, concealed background that hummed “everything you’ve ever loved has been loved before, and everything you are has already been,” on an endless loop. It echoed in your wrists that I stared at, walking (home) in the middle of the street, and I felt like a ghost moving forward in an eternal line, waiting to haunt anyone who thought I was worth it. But no one keeps my name folded in their wallet. Only girls who are able to carve their names into paintings and vinyl live in pockets and dust bunnies and bathroom mirrors. And so be it, that I am grey and humming in the background. I am forgotten Sundays and chipped fingernail polish and borrowed sheets. I’m the song you’ll get stuck in your head, but it will remind you of someone else. I am 2 in the afternoon, I am the last day of winter, I am a face on the sidewalk that won’t show up in your dreams. And I am everywhere, and I am nothing at all.

On the flip side...


its to quiet.. no thoughts or words.. just at times the sound of silence beeps on through..

its to dark.. no sight or light.. just at times the red and yellow blops i see when i close my eyes.. they cascade upon eachother trying to take over.. but no color ever wins..

its to sad.. no courage or strength.. just at times weakness trying to be strong only to give up for whats wrong..

its to wet.. no sun or clear skies.. just at times a shread of light trying to see underneath this dense storm of falling mist..
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all the shades of my sadness are clear...... so i take a deep breath for a moment.. and i begin to listen, see, smile, and feel..
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the sound is beautiful.. a song plays for me in my head .. one of my favorites as i pick up the pace..

i light the candle.. a beautiful light is quite a sight.. i close my eyes and see pass the reds and yellows.. i see her, the candlelit flame burns for her..

i crack a smile.. i let go.. and i stand up.. i look forward and begin to run faster..

the storm passes.. sunlight rains down.. never giving up.. the sun seems to shine on with me.. behind me pushing me with her light.. that huge candle was lit for me.. at least today it was..